<p>Hi everyone. This is my first post as a new FSU Summer parent. My D had her heart set on Landis Hall honors, but had some confusion in getting her deposit in and her housing deposit wasn’t received early. Her number was 1,000 something, and she was quite unhappy when given the Smith dorm for fall. (DeGraff-Summer) It is quite evident that her roommate drinks from her Facebook pictures posted with her with a beer funnel. She isn’t into the party scene although she is very social. Any encouraging advice to help her transition to life in a community dorm?</p>
<p>S, a rising soph at a LAC known as a party school, was in a similar position at his college this time last year, when he found facebook pictures of his 2 roomates and learned that they were good friends and also were partiers.</p>
<p>He handled the situation by very early setting ground rules: No alcohol in his room because if they were caught, S would lose his scholarship. The roommates abided by that.</p>
<p>He didn’t become friends with his roomates, but did get lots of friends particularly via the clubs that he joined and other activities that he participated in. Will room next year with two like-minded new friends that he met in college.</p>
<p>Encourage your D to view her freshman year room as a place to sleep, not the place to rely on to make close friends. Encourage her to seek out clubs and activities that match her interests, and let her know that doing so is the best way to make freshman year friends who have lots in common with her.</p>
<p>The library, too, not one’s dorm room is usually the best place to study. That’s because even when one gets along very well with one’s roommate, differences in how one socializes, sleeping patterns and other things can make studying in one’s room very hard even for close friends.</p>
<p>S used the library to study and was a dean’s list student.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, your D has a big advantage at FSU in having dorm accommodations since most students live off campus.</p>
<p>Great advice! I appreciate your help and will share with her to look at the big picture.</p>
<p>Encourage her to set very strong ground rules early on, and to stick to her guns should the roommate break them or disregard them.</p>
<p>Also remind her that the RA is there to help (I’m assuming RAs are still there in the summertime). If things really get bad, she can switch, but encourage her to stick it out and see how it goes before she makes a decision.</p>
<p>My eldest had this situation freshman year, because he returned his housing form late (right up against a deadline). He never, ever did that again-- for housing, course registration, or anything administrative. Lesson learned.</p>
<p>He moved in to a “tripled double.” (3 in a room meant for 2, due to housing shortage that particular year as an old dorm came down and before the new dorm was ready.) </p>
<p>Excessive drinking was a problem up and down that hall. One of S’s roommates was really troubled and had to be suspended 2 years later to get a grip on the alcoholism (which this was, truly), triggered by an incident where his driving nearly killed another student.</p>
<p>Here’s how my S handled it: whenever the roommate (or firends he invited into the room) drank, S would cheerfully herd them down to the floor lounge.
Remember, when they’re drunk they’re kinda stupid, too, and will do most anything you ask–as long as you don’t ask them to stop drinking. </p>
<p>So, find out what the policy is regarding the nearest floor lounge; also: is there a limit to how many friends can visit a bedroom? (Sometimes S used that rule to invoke the, “hey, it’s time to move your party down the hall now!”)</p>
<p>It did get intolerable, however, not from the roommate but from the roommate’s friends breaking things in the crowded room by falling upon them. (These were huge football players, BTW). It was the property damage that finally got under my S’s skin enough to move out (one of his musical instruments).</p>
<p>He kept his ears open for open rooms elsewhere on the campus. He moved out mid-year and had a much more enjoyable second term. College was happy to move anyone because of the dorm crowding, but the student had to find the new place. S heard in his French class that the language theme dorm wanted more students in the Spring (many go away on Junior Year abroad). So he was allowed to room with a sophomore, and it was very pleasant.</p>
<p>Since the housing for freshmen was crowded that year, he didn’t even have to mention why he wanted to move out. They were glad to “untriple” a double. </p>
<p>The other of S’ roommates handled it differently. He was a scientist and in sports, so woke up very early to practice and spent most of his life in labs. He had also been to prep school, so wasn’t as surprised or unfamiliar. Basically, he absented himself from the room as much as possible.</p>
<p>My S, who likes his room to work, did find it necessary to move out mid-year.
The other guy stayed through the entire year, although after my S moved out that nice fellow just rearranged the beds so the two of them had a divided double (like ships passing through the night). A divider in the room evidently will help your D cope. You might even consider getting her some kind of beaded curtain, Japanese screen, or whatever to define the room space if it’s an open double.</p>
<p>At my D’s school, where there was no crowding situation, they did not take readily to roommate-switch requests. The RA would mediate, and so forth. The college wanted to people to try to get along under a variety of different circumstances. So the pressure there was to work things out. Fortunately, her roommate was also clean-living. I’m just saying: don’t assume a college will always jump to respond to a request to move out from a difficult room.</p>
<p>Good luck. I feel for you…and her…even though I know it’s just one year. But it’s an important year.</p>
<p>Others on CC warn not to invest too much energy on Facebook pictures posted, which are often to impress others.</p>
<p>The best roommate experience was from S-2, in a large freshman triple. Mostly luck, but also: the RA’s had been trained to hold a “roommate contract session” the first night of orientation. The RA’s got everyone to sign to agreed-upon basics for the room. If the RA doesn’t do this at your D’s school, but writes a postcard this summer to your D (always cheerful, full of exclamation marks) your D might consider writing back to suggest this. The idea is similar to an above poster: get the expectations expressed beforehand. The RA
s actually had them written and signed! Posted in the room, even.</p>
<p>It’s always best to say “what kind of room do we want to have?” and brainstorm some rules that flow from that question. Most people want a room that is cheerful, friendly and safe. But sometimes rules have to be made that lead to those ideals. For every “cheerful” that your D agrees to, perhaps the roomie can agree to a “safe” and somewhere in there, agree to terms about no drinking in the room. Or, focus on all the ancillary things that drinking causes (loud parties after X a.m.) rather than the drinking itself. (“Clean up your own messes,” for example, is something most every roommate agrees to in advance. Then, when the “mess” is actually bottles or vomit, she’s already signed an agreement to clean up her own messes. All your D has to say then is, “Rule 2; we agreed to it, remember?”</p>
<p>Explain to me again why a customer paying $45,000 per year be forced to share a room with Otis the Town Drunk?</p>
<p>I don’t know who at FSU is paying $45,000 per year, but I think she’s going to this place called college if that clears anything up… </p>
<p>To answer the OP, I’d reiterate that you should encourage your daughter to keep an open mind about her rooming situation. In all likelihood her roommate will respect her wishes to keep alcohol out of the room, and if she doesn’t, all your daughter has to do is contact the RA which can be a pretty simple process. Coming into college I was also worried about the abundance of alcohol and alcohol consumers, but my views have changed a lot and although I still choose not to drink, my perception of those that do has changed for the better. My best wishes to your daughter!</p>
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<p>I agree. It’s ridiculous and absurd. Until something changes in the academic, social and fund-raising culture of colleges, however, students are putting up with it. </p>
<p>I finally came to think of it as an irritating group of behaviors, once I realized that my own kids weren’t subject to the contagion and didn’t participate actively in this lifestyle themselves. </p>
<p>Now that they are in the workplace, they are even wiser to some of the rationalizations and goofiness of people who compromise top performance by abusing substances. </p>
<p>But…they did get fine educations, as did some of the Town Drunk types. After a full four years of college, including majors, academic triumphs, and future roommates selected by choice, the student’s sum total college experience is a lot more than the drama of freshman year roommates from hxxl.</p>
<p>There’s drinking in college? Who knew.</p>
<p>Thanks for your input. I hadn’t thought of the Japanese screen divider. The contract is also a great idea. I am hoping that they can both respect each others’ choices. Drinking is an illegal activity for underage minors. Perhaps if the roommate understands my daughter’s viewpoint on this, she will partake in a friend’s room instead.</p>
<p>One other related issue is drug use in a dorm. At my son’s school, I’ve seen campus police logs where those caught in dorms get a summons for a court appearance. So their name is on the internet for the charge. I don’t know what happens in a dorm room when the roommates both blame each other with one guilty party.</p>
<p>Incoming freshmen should try to go into the dorm situation with an open mind. Often times, a FACEBOOK profile is not characteristic of a person’s true personality. It’s very common for kids to put “drinking” pictures up to give themselves a bit of a “cool” edge to those looking at their profile. What looks like a lot of partying/drinking, could actually be one party with multiple pictures taken.</p>
<p>Don’t dwell on not getting the first choice in a dorm. In reality, it’s the the people in the dorm that make it fun. Plan on doing your work/study at the library (too many distractions in every dorm). Unfortunately, you can’t always count on RA’s to solve roommate issues so it’s best to communicate with your roommates about issues as they arise.</p>