<p>I have an 8th grader who is constantly complaining about school. She is bright and does okay not great. She is happy with okay. She has some mild Learning Disabilities and maybe some mild ADD but has no accommodations or medication. She does well on projects and papers but does terrible on tests. She does seem to have a problem with memory. Always has. Could never remember words to songs. We are trying some different ways of studying so we will see if that helps with her test grades. Her teachers like her and consider her a good influence on her classmates. She presently attends a small progressive school.
Next year she will go back to public high school. We have a few choices. She is intent on making her choice based on which school she can get out the earliest. She has an EC that is done after school in daylight hours and is intent on getting as much time in at this activity as possible. I don’t yet know if I will be able to get her into GATE level classes. She does not test well so that is a worry. She likes English. Can not get Spanish and struggles with Math. The reality is she doesn’t really care all that much about doing well. She cares only for horses.
We have tried dangling the college carrot to her but she is also convinced that she would like to live at home for 2 yrs and attend the community college and use the money saved to continue her horse training. Her other idea would be to attend the local UC and live at home and continue to ride. Her trainer did the Community College/UC route so that doesn’t help.
She also has pointed out that obsessing on schoolwork is bad for one’s mental health. I go back and forth between letting it go and making some boundaries tying school with riding. The problem with that one is that her grades aren’t bad just not as good as they could be.
We are already forcing her to do another sport. The riding is all her idea. We would love to pull the cord but it is truely a passion. Expensive but she puts every bit of her babysitting money towards helping with the expenses. She also is the most helpful one at her barn.
In my D’s mind Riding comes before all else.</p>
<p>Depending on how much she loves horses, she could go to school for an equine program. Or, if she is willing to work very hard, she could become a vet.</p>
<p>Might you consider having her talk to more people whose work involves horses about how they got where they are? And maybe she could do a job or volunteer gig in a stable or vet’s office and get some sense of what the work involves.</p>
<p>There are many different versions of a good life and your job is to help her find her path. In some cases, you have to try a number of different paths before you know what is the right one.</p>
<p>Can not get Spanish and struggles with Math.
If she has learning disabilties- it won’t matter how hard she tries if her brain is working the hard way.
Sounds like she could be a kinesthetic learner- in which case I would try and find ways to integrate studying math & Spanish with riding.</p>
<p>[Teaching</a> Foreign Language to At-Risk Learners: A Challenge for the New Millennium](<a href=“http://www.vccaedu.org/inquiry/inquiry-spring98/i21hodge.html]Teaching”>http://www.vccaedu.org/inquiry/inquiry-spring98/i21hodge.html)</p>
<p>to me it just sounds like she isn’t motivated. What are her other hobbies like? perhaps relating those to school work will be beneficial to give her a comprehensive understanding of the material?</p>
<p>First off…stop forcing her to do things she doesn’t want. That’s probably a large part of the problem, and if you’re not careful she could even grow to resent you for it.</p>
<p>It also seems to me that she might have more than mild ADD…you need to get her diagnosed and get her some medication. Math and Spanish (or any foreign language for that matter) are all about memorization, which would reasonably be harmed by ADD. </p>
<p>Now. There is nothing wrong with going to a City College for two years. I would ask you why you are so determined to force your daughter into something she clearly doesn’t want instead of supporting her decisions.</p>
<p>The grade issue is also probably ADD related…it sounds like you really need to try and get her diagnosed and medicated.</p>
<p>You should be glad that she has a passion instead of wandering aimlessly through life until she is a mindless drone with a 5.0 who gets rejected from that UC because she had no personality (it happened to a girl at my HS a few years back).</p>
<p>I’ll say it again-you need to support your daughter.</p>
<p>And, realize that she may (and most likely will) change a LOT before it’s time for her to decide about college in what…3.5 YEARS? Take a deep breath and just talk to her. Ask her why riding is so important to her, and what you can do to help her with the grade issue. Tutors? A trip to the doctor to get that oh-so-helpful little Adderall or Ritilin? You need to do whatever she needs you to do…not what you want to do.</p>
<p>Lastly, take heart in my story: I DESPISED middle school. Couldn’t wait to get out…my grades were awful. The highest I ever got was roughly a 3.2. When I got to high school, the LOWEST I ever got was a 3.5. Middle school is a very difficult time in life, and that could be the root of some of her problems.</p>
<p>My words may sound harsh, but it’s the truth (at least the way I see it).</p>
<p>I have a niece who is a passionate rider. I really think she’s likely to run a stable as an adult. She teaches kids riding now and is very good at it. There are worse things to do! I wouldn’t pull the riding - it probably makes the rest of school tolerable. Have you looked at all at Mel Levine’s books or website? [All</a> Kinds of Minds > Start](<a href=“http://www.allkindsofminds.org/]All”>http://www.allkindsofminds.org/) He’s very good at looking at the positive sides of LDs and strategizing the best ways of dealing with them.</p>
<p>Hisgrace- Can’t very well stop forcing her to go to school!
The sport is actually a sport she enjoys but it sometimes takes time away from the barn. If the sport would only practice at night she would have no problem with it. Plus the high school no longer gives independent PE credit for riding so she will need a sport when she goes to high school.
She has been tested for LD when she was 6. She had reading problems and went to a Lindamood Bell tutor. She started young and is now a great reader testing at the college reading level. Plus she reads fast and loves to read. Reading is one of her passions.
My older son has severe LD and ADD and is medicated. I think at this point with my D we would like to try to find different ways for her to learn. We recently meet with the LD specialist at her present school and we have a long list of different methods we are going to try. One we have been using the past two weeks is working well. Retesting is definitely something we are strongly considering.
She does not want to be a vet. She is realistic at the schooling ahead and knows she is not interested in that route. She works hard at her barn and is very aware of all that riding and training horses entails. I know she would like an equine program at a college if she goes away to school. She has stated that.
Her actual career goal at this point is either a elementary school teacher. She has done some volunteering in schools. Or a psychologist. She likes the psychologist idea but not that it means lots of school.
Mathmom I won’t pull the riding just for the reason you stated. She needs it.
What I hate to see is her attitude that I don’t need to really stress myself out over school since I am not planning on applying to any high ranking schools. I hate to see her limit herself at age 13.
Academically the best bet for her would be to stay at her present school for one more year. They have a 9th grade. They would be willing to track her in the most rigorous track for most subjects. She could then move on to the public school as a soph. without having to test in. She is deadset against staying. It is to bad since her present school is supportive and has many unique educational opportunities for all types of learners and a strong LD program. She is just itching to get to a bigger more diverse place. She complains her present school is full of rich kids who wear 200 dollar jeans. ( which is partly true but it is a great school)
My son has some Mel Levine books in his shelf that I am going to pull out.</p>
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<p>XD I was talking more about the sport.</p>
<p>I’m actually headed to Sonoma State University next fall and will be majoring in Psychology! I’m then planning on going to Grad School and majoring in Criminology so I can be a Forensic Psychologist. :)</p>
<p>It seems to me that she’s not limiting herself, but more that she’s afraid to challenge herself, which is normal for a middle schooler. Like I said, I was much the same way in middle school…I didn’t have great grades (although they weren’t awful either), and I would often pretend to be sick so I didn’t have to go because I hated it so much.</p>
<p>If your daughter is that unhappy at her school, I would strongly discourage you from the route of staying there for 9th grade, even if it is very supportive. No matter how supportive the staff might be, she needs strong friends around her to encourage her.</p>
<p>Teaching means more school also-make sure she knows that. It means 4 years of college to get her bachelor’s in Education, plus however long it takes to get a multiple-subject credential (I was considering getting a single-subject credential for a while, so I’m not sure how long a multiple-subject one takes). Encourage her to shoot for the moon, but don’t force her. </p>
<p>I hope that the future holds wonderful things for you daughter. I’ll keep you all in my thoughts. :)</p>
<p>Good luck to you. I met my husband many years ago at Sonoma State.
My D has done some investigation. She has a mentor friend who is a teacher. She also has looked into the requirements for being a licensed psychologist in the state of Ca and also the difference between the requirements for a psychologist versus MFT.
I think the teacher is probably a much faster route.</p>
<p>Oh, I definitely agree…and it’s awesome that she’s doing the research!!! 
That definitely shows that she has a true interest/passion for it.</p>
<p>Mom60-</p>
<p>Your D sounds just like my older D, whose ADHD we discovered late. We would help both D1 and D2 (two years younger) try to study, and D1 just could not absorb the information. Because D2 seemed to get it right away, we suspected something but we didn’t know at the time D1 had ADHD, because we had her tested in fifth grade, and it did not show up. Later we were told it is very difficult to diagnose early in some girls, but we didn’t know this then.</p>
<p>It was AWFUL; from about fifth grade through ninth, D1 struggled with and a a result HATED school. Eventually she became very depressed, and started having panic attacks in school. It was not until she was in tenth grade that we had someone else retest her and discover the ADHD. But by then the depression had already taken hold, and periodically continues to rear it’s ugly head. </p>
<p>D1 is now a junior in college (just transferred from LMU to UCSD), and with medication for both depression and ADHD, she is doing much better. She fell in love with a sport in high school, which has helped tremendously because it is something at which she excels. </p>
<p>When our youngest, S, was tested and found to have ADD at age 9 or 10, we did not wait to put him on medication, because we had witnessed the emotional toll it had had on D1. We did not want him to suffer and begin to feel like a failure.</p>
<p>My suggestion: find out if it is ADD, and if so, try the medication. When D1 found out she had it, she cried with relief. She always knew something was wrong and it had severely impacted her self esteem. I don’t know whether she will ever fully recover from that sense of failure.</p>
<p>Please don’t let your D suffer- I would give anything to go back and do it differently, but I can’t. You can! Also, please remember that how she does in school now is not as important as how she feels about herself and about learning; if she hates learning now, she may never recover. Try to back off with expectations and help her relearn how to love learning, in whatever form it takes. It may take a different school, or riding lessons, or something else entirely, but take action now.</p>
<p>Good luck…and please pm me if I can help in any way.</p>
<p>I also have a average-performing D who has no interest in school and loves to ride (but does not compete). With college on the horizon (she is a junior) she has buckled down this year and is doing ok, but had to give up some honors classes and tests are still a trial. She is a bit scattered and I am sure she falls into some LD category - but she really has no interest in testing/medication/accommodation/etc. Fact is, she just isn’t interested in the stuff you learn in school (at least, in HS). But she works hard at what she does care about (riding, sports teams). I am an academic, so its tough for me, but I have realized that what she does in life she will not learn in a classroom. (More power to your D if she thinks she wants to be a teacher.)</p>
<p>I have mixed feelings about committing to a narrow career path in college, but she will definitely consider equine science programs; she just likes being around horses so much. There are some excellent ones at good (not great) uni’s: UCD, CSU, WSU, UVM.</p>
<p>Depending on the local UC make sure you understand that it might not be that easy to get into (especially as a Freshman) and that depending on the major can be rigorous. If your D is thinking of the ‘living at home and going to a local UC’ route, make sure both of you understand the selectivity of your local UC. Even the CC to UC transfer route requires one to take certain classes in CC and maintain a certain GPA and then the UC will still have some difficult courses depending on major. The CC to UC transfer program seems to typically add a couple of years for many as well.</p>
<p>The CSUs are typically less selective and might be more doable if she still has study issues in HS but some of them are becoming more selective as well. </p>
<p>OTOH, a lot of pre-HS girls are much more interested in horses than school but things will likely change once she’s in HS. She’ll still like horses and riding but will discover other things (boys, clubs, sports, maybe some friendly competition on grades, etc.). Maybe she won’t have any difficulties at all.</p>
<p>"It also seems to me that she might have more than mild ADD…you need to get her diagnosed "
I can’t agree with this enough, especially as LD’s seem to run in your family. She could have some processing deficiencies that LindaMood bell has no familiarity with. [we found that out with our son who had auditory processing and other subtle processing disorders] Time to get her tested again!, by a pHD in Psychology who specialzies in diagnosing kids with LD’s. If you live in the Bay Area I can give you the name of a agency in Palo Alto.</p>
<p>ADD should be attended to even if the child doesn’t have academic interests because ADD becomes a factor in many jobs. For instance, if a child does manage a stable, many details that are difficult for the person with ADD must be dealt with. </p>
<p>My S has moderate ADD. He has been medicated since fifth grade (over his teacher’s vociferous objections.) He has experimented with stopping medication many times, but his performance, and happiness, are always affected.</p>
<p>He has done very well and attends a very competitive LAC. His first semester results are fine, but he does struggle, not with the academic content of things but with his ability to engage in a structured way.</p>
<p>I think the trick is to support our children in what they wanted to achieve in life. A friend had a daughter like the OP’s and she sent her to a private school (yes, they had the money to do this) that featured riding. The girl didn’t go to college and does manage a stable. (She is the only kid my D’s age who is completely self-supporting.)</p>
<p>There are so many routes to a constructive life, but ADD can undermine most of them if not compensated for with medication or behavioral strategies.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>If you live in the Bay Area, one of the ways she can work on her Spanish is talking with the barn grooms. My daughter takes French, but is still learning Spanish from the grooms.</p>
<p>(But yeah, 8th grade girls and horses…)</p>
<p>Why does she “need” a sport in HS?</p>
<p>UCDAlum- She is the groom! She rides at a small barn. The girls are taught to do everything. They feed, muck, saddle the horses. They paint the jumps. Due to expense she doesn’t get to show often but she loves to go to the shows and she is the groom for the other girls from her barn.
She is a smart kid who doesn’t miss much. Plus loves to talk so is always asking questions. She knows having your own training facility is very expensive. Her trainer is lucky that the barn is on land owned by her grandparents. She also knows any degree in equine science will require more science then she is willing to take.
I doubt she is going to lose interest. She turns down social activities to go to the barn. She is feeling really grown up as her trainer has started to let her exercise other horses. Some of which are quite expensive.
UCSD dad- she is a youngest child so we are well aware of the requirements for the local UC. She knows that it will mean taking a harder course load then she wants. The local CC has a strong transfer program. I want her to have the experience of going away for college.
You all have me convinced that I will look into having her retested. She was never tested for ADD. She is not hyperactive. She does tell us her mind wanders. I think we only have a couple of psychologists who do testing. Neither come highly recommended. The name I have been given is two hours from our home and I seem to recall from my son that it was done over several days.</p>
<p>She needs to do two years of a sport in high school. Or take PE. PE is a joke at our schools.</p>
<p>well, sometimes, you need to compromise, so what if pe is a joke? Her EC is very physically demanding- shovel horse poo is hard work, and I mean that, am not being sarcastic- I helped clean barns and groom horses last year and it is so satisfying and there is something about those large beautiful animals- gentle but strong</p>
<p>Would you rather she gave up something she is really successful at that can be used as leverage to play a sport she is just okay with?</p>
<p>Again, does she HAVE to do a sport after school- which can be 5/6 days a week instead of doing something she truely loves? And if she takes gym, is she in danger? </p>
<p>i think the “NEED” for a HS sport needs to be thought about</p>