D20 wants college with "no lax bros". Is there an index for that?

College Search & Lists
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Really appreciate everyone weighing in on this topic. Just a couple of responses:

  1. To the folks defending lacrosse as a great sport, and schools with great lacrosse teams as great schools: I'm with you 100%! As others mentioned, not all lacrosse players are lax bros, and not all lax bros play lacrosse. In fact, I would guess presence of lax bro culture is only very weakly correlated with quality and social dominance of an actual lacrosse team.
  2. To the folks saddened or offended that this question was even being posed, and wondering if a similar screen would have been tolerated around race, religion, protected class, etc: For the record, I have overheard conversations and questions on tours, and seen many many threads here on CC, where parents or kids ask whether a school has too many social justice warriors, is too PC, stifles political discourse, is too [hippy/crunchy/liberal/druggy], etc. And since D20 is looking at a lot of women's colleges and historically/formerly women's colleges and I've been looking through threads for those schools, I've definitely seen a lot of kids/parents concerned that the school has "too many lesbians" or an "aggressive gay culture" or "a lot of hardcore feminists." So....yes! People screen for and are curious about lots of different types of subcultures or social/intellectual characteristics that may shape life at a college.
  3. Does curiosity about/sensitivity to/screening for something like lax bros or SJWs mean that kids are looking for colleges where everyone is just like them? I don't think so. It's a risk, for sure. My sense (for my kid and for others) is that they are asking questions about the aspects and axes of homogeneity and heterogeneity that will be conducive to learning, growth, and happiness.
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Earlham, Berea, Guilford, Wooster, Kalamazoo, maybe Oberlin. They are fairly anti-bro culture. Even the LaCrosse players are anti-Lax-bro.

I especially recommend Earlham. My second son is there (after having turned down Bowdoin and Haverford, for being too “Bro”-y) I just got back from Earlham today! And…Everytime I go, I am more impressed!

http://earlham.edu/

103

There is a difference between Lacrosse-playing boys/men and “Lax-bros.” Don’t get all offended, y’all. She didnt say that she didn’t like male Lacrosse players. She just said she wanted to avoid going to college with a bunch of Lax-bros.
As she is entitled to do.

Sheesh.

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I was pointing out that the conversation had turned into a bit of a “bashing” session that, to me, felt immature and inappropriate for a site that is about figuring out how to support the young people in our lives. To have a group of adults write nasty stuff about kids who play a particular sport is bizarre, from my perspective.

I personally don’t know one lacrosse player and the sport is not popular where we live, so I admit I can’t participate in an informed way. But I know the same kinds of things are said about football players, while the football players at my son’s high school are among the kids with the highest grades and toughest classes. As are many of the basketball and baseball players. They are the kinds of kids who show respect to adults, work their asses off, and set good examples socially.
So generalizing like this, about athletes of any kind, begs for contradictioon.

I don’t have any problem with a young lady having preferences for which kind of school she wants to avoid. I know which schools my son would be annoyed by as well. But people are giggling about “dumb” and “airheaded” kids, as they’re associated with their sport. It’s mob mentality stuff that is ugly, in my opinion.

One stereotype of non-athletes is that they have chips on their shoulders about not being athletic. How much of that plays in here? That’s a generalization too.

“Bash away”. Really? Is that what we’re here for?

105

Concurring and adding to @asawayhegoes I’m sorry but how “Bro” can an athlete be who gets admitted to both Bowdoin and Haverford?
By “bro” does that mean really smart with SATs above 1400 easily or ACTs over 32, or ability to balance high school w 7-10 APs and still workout 15-20 hours a week, usually year round?
I have no dog in this as my S is a TF athlete - with 20+ year round hours per week. I just think “bros” implies loser guys who need buddies to feel good about oneself when in fact they likely have high self esteem, talent and work ethic. It is also sexist and offensive to young, hard working and thoughtful men and in this day and age, worth standing up for. At least for top tier D3 schools, that type of characterization should not apply and coaches shouldn’t perpetuate it, let alone onlooking parents and wannabes.

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I’m still loving this thread. Today I showed it to my lax bro son, who was highly amused. He conceded that he is, indeed, a lax bro. Long live lax bros! Long live preppies, social media babes, hipsters, nerds, surfer dudes, brainiacs, wannabes, etc…!

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@Lindagaf it is sort of sad but a taste of reality that you generalize individual people being discussed on 99% of CC threads as a class of people. Are you kidding or are you 12 in disguise? Close friends, ie, the genesis of being a buddy, is only but a small percentage of the multitude of character attributes going into and coming out of highly selective D3 LACs. Then again, it sounds like you’ve pre-selected yours a “bro for life” first and foremost.

108

@bigfandave , what? I have no idea what you mean. Really. Just let people be who they want to be and like what they like or don’t like. Did you notice I said long live everyone? That means everyone, including you. What a strange comment you’ve made.

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@bigfandave
“At least for top tier D3 schools, that type of characterization should not apply…”

Shouldn’t be. But still does, at times. I have a kid at Middlebury and one who just graduated from Bowdoin. And they are a varsity athletes. So, I do have a proverbial dog (or two) in this. But… I definitely have seen some “bros” at Bowdoin and Midd.

" It is also sexist and offensive to young, hard working and thoughtful men…"

It isn’t, really. The young, hard-working, thoughtful men aren’t the “bros.” I think it is better for those young men you have identified above, in addition to being critical for the young women, to call boorish behavior what it is, when it happens. And, “boor” is such an archaic term… the kids just don’t say it. They say “Bro” instead.
And… again… thoughtful, hard-working, young men are NOT “bros.” Only the “bros” are “bros.”

And it is her right to avoid a culture where “bro” behavior is tolerated.
And it is the adults’ obligation to name such behavior and to discourage it, so that our kids, boys and girls, learn that it isn’t acceptable.

I assume no one here is actually stupid and is saying that all men are “bros” or or that all athletes, or even that all Lacrosse players are “bros.” Again… there are Lacrosse players. And then there are “Lax bros.” (And “hockey bros,” and “soccer bros,” and just “bro bros.”)

People should not be shamed out of naming unacceptable behavior when and where it exists.

So… If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck… then let’s call a “bro” a “bro.”

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“And it is the adults’ obligation to name such behavior and to discourage it, so that our kids, boys and girls, learn that it isn’t acceptable”

^sorry, what’s the Lax Bro unacceptable behavior?

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The point I was countering - and wrote about - was those who were in support of being a bro for bro’s sake. There is no more of that in LAX as there is in most other sports or in life. To want to cultivate that (behavior and culture) speaks to an insecurity and/or unwillingness to make new bros if you will, to go beyond one’s safe harbor of comfort and cyclical reinforcement of “I’m cool and great and so are you bro”; to grow. This is NOT the same as relationships formed on a real battlefield. These are young men, presumably wanting to attend highly selective D3 LACs for a reason, beyond sports, and I’m hope, but may be wrong, that it isn’t because “my bro goes there” as his #1 criteria.

The comments about behavior towards women wasn’t at all where I was going with this, but it’s often a symptom.

Unacceptable behavior would include being close-minded, wasting Professors’ and other students’ class time, drinking for sake of drinking, piling or ganging up on other people, excluding non-bros, and generally acting like a person who shouldn’t be wasting parents $70K/yr or, more importantly, wasting non-bros and young women’s parents $70K/he being a drag on the culture and education at said top LAC. In short, if you want a frat school, attend one. If you aren’t good enough at your sport for a D1 frat school or your parents are afraid you’ll go overboard at a lesser one, please find another soution outside of perpetuating your (son’s) “Bro ness”.

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This is an interesting thread. I understand what it is that is offending some members here, but at the same time I understand that the original post is about avoiding a particular type of culture. There is some truth to what has been said about it being somehow more acceptable to disparage a particular group if they are (mostly) white and privileged. But I don’t think that disparaging anyone was the point of the post.

My understanding of the original post is that the student just wants to avoid a certain personality type, and not exactly guys who play a certain sport. My daughter had a similar requirement, and she had her own term (not to be printed here) for the type of guy she meant, but it described a guy who seemed to need to constantly prove his masculinity, who was obnoxious and conceited, who treated girls/women like objects to be collected, who was likely to make homophobic jokes or bully guys who were not like him and his friends, that sort of thing. She also wanted to avoid girls of a certain type, whom she called “sorority girls” even though she knows not all girls in sororities are like this. She meant the cookie-cutter types of girls she went to high school with, who all dressed exactly the same and had the same exact hairstyle and were overly flirtatious with boys all the time, seemed to have few interests other than being attractive to guys, wore revealing clothes no matter the occasion, and had Instagram pages full of sexy selfies of themselves and their friends.

Her reason for wanting to avoid these types? Because she wanted to go to college where she would not feel she was on the margins because she was not that type of girl, nor was she interested in being friends with/dating that type of boy. That’s what her high school was like. She had a lovely little group of friends, a few girls and a couple of guys, but they definitely felt like the “different” ones at her high school, which she minded a bit in the earlier years and then felt good about when she was more mature.

She chose Macalester and is an ecstatically happy sophomore. After being there for a few days her freshman year, she said to me “Mom, it’s awesome to be in a place where almost everybody seems like a person I’d like to get to know.” Worked out perfectly!

1 Like
113

@IBviolamom well said, and just to add/clarify, it’s not a feeling or desire of just women, but young mean, at least mine. And mine is a tippy top athlete. No one really wants fellow students who peaked in high school - limited diversity of thought plus the overarching “bro” cloud picture you painted.

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This may be the first time in history that referencing Urban Dictionary could potentially contribute to a discussion in a productive manner. I submit the definition below as a possible “less-offensive and more accurate” descriptor of what the OPs daughter may be (understandably) trying to avoid.

"The term “d” bag generally refers to a male with a certain combination of obnoxious characteristics related to attitude, social ineptitude, public behavior, or outward presentation.

Though the common d bag thinks he is accepted by the people around him, most of his peers dislike him. He has an inflated sense of self-worth, compounded by a lack of social grace and self-awareness. He behaves inappropriately in public, yet is completely ignorant to how pathetic he appears to others.

He often talks about how cool, successful, and popular he is, yet never catches on to the fact that he comes across as a total loser. Nevertheless, he firmly believes that he is the smartest, most desirable, and most charming person in the room… and will try to bad-rep anyone who would threaten to expose this facade

He fancies himself a ladies’ man, yet tends to be a joke to all but the most naive of women. He tries to portray himself as part of the in-crowd (a fashionista, an upwardly mobile professional, the life of the party, etc.) but only succeeds in his own mind.

To everyone else, he is an annoying and arrogant phony who comes across as a wannabe overcompensating for his insecurities. He tries to appear like the center of whatever group will tolerate him, but in reality, he is just a tag-along who mooches drinks, women, contacts, social standing, and other benefits from the group… while contributing nothing."

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To echo @IBviolamom, my daughter had a similar requirement to yours and the OP, it just wasn’t described as lax bros.
This thread has been very fun to read. The end result being (hopefully) finding a school that is the right fit. My D ended up at a great LAC and is happy.

If my son were a self-described lax bro I’d help him find the right school too. To each their own!

116

As the parent of a college lacrosse player, I find the discussion interesting. There are many subgroups within this “lax bro” label.
I don’t think the Tufts prep school (insert Deerfield, Taft, etc) kid would like to be lumped in with the Salisbury kid from a rural public school either. Those are two completely different animals.

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Just idly wondering if UW La Crosse has lax bro’s.

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Interesting discussion. I do think the OP’s daughter has the right to like what she likes. If she doesn’t want a lax bro culture she should try to screen schools with that type of culture.

One thing I would like to point out is that even at schools with a lacrosse team, the team is only about 40-45 guys. The presence of a lacrosse team does not provide enough men to dominate the culture of a school. Because of that I would not use the presence of a lacrosse team as a proxy for a lax bro culture.

My son is a lacrosse player but definitely not a lax bro. He attends Haverford and I would not classify the culture there as being a lax bro culture. We had the pleasure of taking the freshmen lax players to dinner last spring and I thought the kids were thoughtful and polite.

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Relevant article from today:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/science/2018/09/17/scientists-identify-four-personality-types/

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@bgbg4us. “Lax” is pronounced exactly like “lacks”