Dad doesn't exactly support me..

Parents Forum
1

<p>Long time lurker… and I was always looking for the right time to post a thread. I think I’ve found it. I’ll try to keep it as short as possible.</p>

<p>Here’s the thing: I attended HOBY last year and North Carolina’s YLA program this year. I’ve also been accepted into NC Governor’s School (kinda prestigious around here) and Project Uplift at UNC Chapel Hill (3 day leadership-type thing for minorities).</p>

<p>I’ve been approved to be a Junior Facilitator for HOBY for this summer (almost like a camp counselor). Costs $150. Project Uplift starts 3 days later, and Gov School starts the next day after Uplift ends.</p>

<p>Here’s the thing: my dad thinks I’m doing too much. Gov School is a definite, but he’s really, REALLY against going to HOBY again. Last year he thought it was a major waste of time while I thought it was really enlightening – made me more outgoing, taught me leadership skills, etc – and I really want to go back. His argument is, “You’ve already been once, what’s the point of going again? It’s not going to help you at all.” He also says that my older brother didn’t do anything like what I do and that he’s doing fine (he goes to East Carolina).</p>

<p>He also says that HOBY a waste of our money… but I’m paying for it myself with the money I earned at previous part-time job. Of course, in my culture, my money is part of the family’s money, but still…</p>

<p>I’ve worked so, so hard throughout high school (I’m a junior, btw). I’ve done quite a few things around my high school and community – granted, nothing spectacular – but my main focus has always been grades, grades, grades. I just want to have a chance at some good in-state schools like Carolina or NC State (maybe take it a stretch further and try an Ivy League school), and maybe even get some scholarships to take some stress off of the family finances. Also, I really like these little programs and things (like HOBY) because they’re like a fun and educational outlet… I was ecstatic when I got into Governor’s School.</p>

<p>…but I don’t think my parents understand why I care so much. They’re not from America, and they don’t understand that some colleges are looking for more than just grades nowadays. Of course, I say that these programs will “boost my transcript” or make me “look like a better candidate,” but really I just want to do them because I enjoy them. And my parents’ (dad’s, mostly) lack of support really depresses me sometimes. And by lack of support, I mean I was YELLED at a few minutes ago.</p>

<p>Oops, turned out longer than I thought! Sorry, I’m just looking for advice. I’ll elaborate on anything else if needed. Thanks!</p>

2

<p>How are your courses, grades, and test scores? If they are not bumping up against the maximum possible (and you apply to super-selective schools), then they do matter a lot more than ECs at most colleges and universities that are not specialty schools.</p>

3

<p>In America, parents respect the fact that if the child has worked and saved, then he should be able to go. The problem is that your parents do not have the American mindset, not necessarily a bad thing but in this circumstance, very inconvenient for you. Anyway my opinion is that missing the conference is not worth the war of disrespect that is liable to erupt. BTW that war is inevitable but it doesn’t have to be today. Save it for chosing a college or job or spouse. GL</p>

4

<p>Stats are okay…</p>

<p>Perfect unweighted GPA of 4.0, weighted 4.75. Being a junior, I only have 2 APs – Calc AB and US Government – and I’m doing really well in them. Fairly hard courses. I’m definitely planning on 3 APs next year (maybe 4, if Calc BC becomes offered) and Honors Physics.</p>

<p>Standardized tests are alright:</p>

<p>SAT, first try (composite 2060)
Reading: 730
Mathematics: 650
Writing: 680
Essay Subscore: 10</p>

<p>ACT, first try (composite 32)
Math: 31
English: 35
Reading: 30
Science: 31
Essay: 10</p>

<p>Planning on studying and taking SAT again in late summer, and I took a school administered ACT a bit after my first try so it’ll probably stay the same.</p>

<p>Btw maybe I should say that my mom can be quite supportive sometimes when my father is yelling. Maybe she sympathizes; I’m not sure.</p>

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<p>It does look like your ACT score is slightly higher than your SAT score, based on the concordance tables.</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.act.org/aap/concordance/pdf/reference.pdf[/url]”>http://www.act.org/aap/concordance/pdf/reference.pdf&lt;/a&gt;
<a href=“http://research.collegeboard.org/sites/default/files/publications/2012/7/researchnote-2009-40-act-sat-concordance-tables.pdf[/url]”>http://research.collegeboard.org/sites/default/files/publications/2012/7/researchnote-2009-40-act-sat-concordance-tables.pdf&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>You may want to consider whether studying for the ACT may help more than studying for the SAT, since you are starting from a slightly higher starting point with the ACT.</p>

<p>GPA of 4.0 is good if you have been taking a rigorous course load.</p>

<p>Note that your academic stats already put you in range for some <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/financial-aid-scholarships/1348012-automatic-full-tuition-full-ride-scholarships-16.html#post15557250[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/financial-aid-scholarships/1348012-automatic-full-tuition-full-ride-scholarships-16.html#post15557250&lt;/a&gt; .</p>

6

<p>Is there a chance that your dad thinks you are trying to squeeze too many things into too short a period of time? Are all of these in the same location, or will you need transportation from one location to another? Is there a significant difference in the wardrobe and supplies needed? Is there time to get the laundry done between these commitments? Would you be able to do that on location, or would you have to manage it in the short time you were at home? Think through the logistics. Maybe you can fit all three in, or maybe your dad is correct that you are over loading your summer, and need to choose one (or more) to skip.</p>

<p>What other things does your dad believe you should be doing this summer? Does he want you to have a paying job, or at least an unpaid internship that could lead to a paying job during the school year or the summer after you graduate? When you’ve both calmed down, sit down with mom (who may have her own unstated goals for your summer) and have a real conversation about what you can fit into the vacation period you have.</p>

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<p>Apologies, but not familiar with all the acronyms. What are HOBY and YLA?</p>

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<p>I truly understand how you feel. I, I many years ago went through the same thing with my parents who are also not from this country. I remember the frustrating of have parents who sometime did not seem to understand the American way of doing things. What I suggest …is to get “ally”. A friend or relative whom your father or mother both respect and like. Most likely it’s someone from your parent’s country. </p>

<p>A few times when my children have wanted something that I was opposed to. I would give them opportunity to present their argument on why they should go. So write everything down in a form of a timeline, expenses, benefits etc. Present your case to your parents, show maturity and independence. Good Luck</p>

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<p>Travel is not a concern; all events are in the same area, which also happens to be where we live (exception is Project Uplift at UNC Chapel Hill, which is about 15 minutes away).</p>

<p>In my original argument I actually offered to drop Uplift and keep HOBY. I was never too excited about Uplift anyway; my counselor just nominated me and I felt obligated to go. When I told my dad about dropping Uplift, he really blew, saying that I’ve already done HOBY before so there wasn’t any point in going again… which is a valid argument. He said he’d rather me drop HOBY and keep Uplift because it would be a new experience (and he really likes Carolina).</p>

<p>We actually settled this a few minutes ago:</p>

<p>My mom was absent from last night’s argument, but she was filled in while I was at school today. She told me that my dad was so mad because he thinks I’m doing too much… and he believes this because my older brother basically didn’t do anything during high school. My brother took the easiest classes possible (he had PE every four years lol), had almost no homework, played no sports, and did maybe one club. He is in East Carolina University right now and is extremely happy there.</p>

<p>Apparently, my dad’s reasoning was, “Hey, his brother didn’t do all this stuff and he’s more than happy at his school. How does Andrew have so much stuff to do, and why does he care so much?”</p>

<p>Thankfully my mom gently reasoned with him, and I have the go-ahead for all three (from both parents) as long as I pay for HOBY (which I planned to, originally). I might still pass on Uplift, though, as I’m still not too eager about it. Although it would be nice to stay overnight at Carolina, my dream school has always been Appalachian State!</p>

<p>I’m so sorry about how long this was. I guess my original intent was really to vent my frustrations, but I did use Zayda’s advice and ideas earlier today. Thanks!</p>

<p>My parents and I don’t get into heated arguments very often, so I suppose when we do it just really gets to me. I’ll be sure next time to give us some internal time before posting the situation online and wasting everyone’s time… but thanks again! I really, really appreciate the ears.</p>

<p>~~~</p>

<p>Just to answer some other questions I saw:</p>

<p>My parents had no plans or expectations [for me] for the summer. Governor’s School was a great relief – for all of us – because it would give me something to do for 5 weeks. If I didn’t get in, I probably would have volunteered and tried looking for a job (which I will after Governor’s School ends anyway).</p>

<p>HOBY is the Hugh O’Brian Youth Leadership seminar/conference. It’s a weekend leadership program for rising juniors, and I believe there are sessions in every state (not sure though). I attended it last year, and we did leadership- and teamwork-building activities, discussed volunteerism, etc. When I come back this year I will be a “group leader” of sorts, herding and helping the new participants.</p>

<p>YLA is North Carolina’s Youth Legislative Assembly, a mock-Congress conference where participants discuss and debate mock bills. It is sponsored in part by the NC Department of Administration.</p>

<p>~~~</p>

<p>Is there any way to lock this thread?</p>