<p>My very conservative daughter (who does not object when people describe her as 17-going-on-40) came home from an event tonight complaining, as she has before, about the way that most people in her age group dance.</p>
<p>I do not quite understand what it is that these kids are doing. From my daughter’s description, it sounds as though they are pantomiming copulating in the manner characteristic of our canine friends. To music. </p>
<p>Am I even close here? What, exactly, is it that today’s kids do when they’re dancing?</p>
<p>I’m not horrified, just curious as to what it is that my daughter finds so horrifying.</p>
<p>She seems to have the bizarre and possibly outdated notion that overtly sexual acts should only be performed in private. So I was wondering just how overt this sort of dancing is.</p>
<p>In general, the dancing is obviously sexual in nature. At school events, it depends on the what the school will allow: sometimes very little changes, sometimes the dancing is toned down a little, and at other schools students aren’t allowed to even touch each other. Your daughter is probably disturbed and horrified by the presence of grinding, which is involved in a lot of dancing and definitely sexual. It’s sexual, but it’s not a sexual act at all, if you get what I mean. The dancing alludes to sexual acts quite overtly, but it isn’t as if kids are getting off on the dance floor (…hopefully).</p>
<p>I think your daughter has described it perfectly Marion, it looks just like two dogs going at it with the guy behind the girl. I think it’s a bit more then bump and grind sometimes.</p>
<p>A local parochial school is apparently offering dancing lessons after school to show the kids some different options. Quite a few kids were interested in learning to swing and jitterbug.</p>
<p>My older teen daughter does not like freak dancing and stopped going to most dances, except for formal dances because of it. She said a girl came up behind her at a dance and started grinding, and she thought maybe it was one of her friends joking around, but when she turned around and didn’t even know the girl, it <em>freaked her out</em> and she has avoided those dances ever since.</p>
<p>Being a high school senior, I can answer that. It is commonly referred to as “freak dancing” and is basically what was alluded to by the posts before me - a girl with a guy behind her grinding against each other and swaying/moving to the beat in unison. However, I do take offense to the overt criticism of its sexual nature… Yes. It is sexual in motion, but it is not sex or does it promote sex. I dance with plenty of my girl friends and when we dance the farthest thing from our minds is sex, just having fun. People (usually overly conservative and sheltering people) see this and respond to it in the typical provincial, parochial way by deciding it is gross and kids are way out of hand. Yes, some people do not like it, therefore they should not partake in it. The rest of us kids will enjoy it, its not being forced on anyone. The fact that schools respond to this by suspending or reprimanding kids for doing so is absolutely ridiculous, just because people didn’t do it when they were kids doesn’t mean its wrong or bad, its just what current teenage society has adapted as the style of dancing… It is sexually suggestive but is in no way sex on a dance floor or a sexual act. Just fun, and good excercise too.</p>
<p>I don’t quite get it and I’m a student, but it looks to me like a bunch of grinding. Your daughter should take up swing dancing; it’s a lot of fun, and it probably wouldn’t be hard for her to convince some friends to take lessosn with her.</p>
You know, I don’t have a problem with kids freak dancing if that’s what they want to do. But I do think it’s just a wee bit disingenuous to insist that sex is “the farthest thing from [y]our minds” when you’re freak dancing. Um… yeah.</p>
<p>Heh. You are so not a guy (or you might be a guy pretending to be all meterosexual and stuff, but I’m betting female). And your criticism up above of “conservative and sheltering people” is a hoot. You are, what, 16? 17 maybe? The advantage that we “conservative and sheltering people” have is that we remember being 17. You have no idea what it’s like to be 45 (or 25 or 35). The things our peers did are the same things that your friends try to get away with. The difference is that we old fogies understand consequences in ways that teenagers for the most part can’t even imagine. That’s where “sheltering” comes from. It’s good to read some good honest insouciance once in a while. Thanks.</p>
<p>EDITED: This wasn’t intended to be an assault. Sorry if it came off badly. It is a little patronizing, but that’s OK. You just aren’t equipped as a late-teen to understand these things at a really deep level.</p>
<p>EDITED AGAIN: I wish there was a “you can’t handle the truth” speech for teens like the one in A Few Good Men.</p>
<p>That was patronizing, WashDad. I don’t feel as if people talk down to me all that often on CC, and when it happens I resent it. Your generation lived through the teenage years, and my generation is now. We make mistakes. We midjudge. We don’t know everything. The fact that you know more now as adults isn’t going to affect us anymore than it affected you when you were teenagers. I don’t have a problem with giving advice or sheltering; my own parents are very over-protective, and I believe that they are great parents. The fact still is, teens today are blessed and cursed with the same general nonchalance that you had. Honestly, I don’t have much of a problem admitting that I’m drunk right now on a Wednesday night. Most adults your age were drunk on Wednesday night at some point around my age. I know that I’m a teenager, and I know that I act and think like one. I’m OK with that. My problem is when you pretend to be on the same level as teens today while acting in a patronizing manner. We haven’t had enough experience to judge situations, actions, or choices in the same way you can; we both know that. We also both know that sixteen year olds are biologically focused on sex. Your parents surely tried to protect you from “dangerous” influences, and you’re doing the same now. That’s OK with me. I think it’s a good thing. Explain, advise all you want–don’t condescend. It’s not necessary. While you’re at it, stop focusing on how teenagers dance and focus on how they treat others and themselves, including their attitudes toward women and safe sex.</p>
<p>I don’t agree with everything stated by the girl you quoted in your post; however, I also don’t agree with your tone. Adults have more experience than teenagers, and if you spent some time explaining the way you feel and why, maybe teens would listen. Simply telling us what not to do while saying that we “can’t handle” knowing the reasons why isn’t going to teach us anything but to ignore you.</p>
<p>EDIT: I am sorry if this came off too badly, but it did rub me the wrong way, WashDad. You can teach and advise in a better manner than simply insisting that you know better because you are an adult. I do not, as you can see, respond well to being talked down to. I hope that you understand what I’m saying and why.</p>
<p>I don’t particularly care one way or the other about this style of dancing. I merely wanted to find out why my daughter might dislike it. Clearly, from your descriptions, it involves moving and touching in ways that my daughter – who is a very private person – would be uncomfortable doing in public.</p>
<p>concretewave, if sex is the farthest thing from your mind when you’re dancing in this way, possibly you are not doing it right. ;)</p>
<p>Do You Wanna Dance?
Written by Bobby Freeman in the late 50s or early 60s</p>
<p>How many of you all enjoyed this song especially the steamy Bette Middler version?</p>
<p>Do you want to dance and hold my hand
Tell me baby I’m your lover man
Oh baby do you want to dance?</p>
<p>Do you want to dance under the moonlight
Hold me baby all through the night
Oh baby
Do you want to dance?
Do you, do you, do you
Do you want to dance
Do you, do you, do you
Do you want to dance
Do you, do you, do you
Do you want to dance?</p>
<p>Do you want to dance under the moonlight
Squeeze me baby all through the night
Oh baby
Do you want to dance?</p>
<p>Do you want to dance under the moonlight
Squeeze me, squeeze me all through the night
Oh baby
Do you want to dance?
Do you, do you, do you
Do you want to dance
Do you, do you, do you</p>
<p>And so on and on and on</p>
<p>And btw, what do you think “rock and roll” means? We knew intuitively what it meant and that’s why we liked it.</p>
<p>I think it has as much to do with the fact that they don’t have to make eye contact while doing it as anything else. What was the most awkward thing about dancing as a teen? It was where to look - certainly not in your partner’s eyes and not at their anatomy so you kind of stared off into the distance sneaking a glance now and then.</p>