dang it. He's got Mono. Anyone else been through this with college kids?

Parent Cafe
1

My 20 yr old sophomore was complaining about a cold and being tired two weeks ago. This past week he went to the Dr.; had a high fever and confirmed mono. today, three days later, he still has a fever, cant keep food down and is exhausted. We picked him up from college yesterday for the weekend and arent sure how long he’ll stay home.

we cant figure out if he should go back next week (1 hr away) - if we should take him down for classes, or what to do! but reading online about mono is not encouraging. I cant imagine his fraternity would want him staying there with it. . . ???

So - what have you done with your kids with mono? how long did it last? did they make classes? let profs know about their situation? And my sister-in-law mentioned taking incompletes if needed – what are those? He’s a hard worker in college and has a great gpa and is now worried.

any thoughts or experiences you all might share are appreciated.

2

Haven’t been through this (yet) but my freshman at UF is home with a bad case of bacterial conjunctivitis which apparently is contagious.

There has been little to no mercy from the professors, despite having been to the doctor twice in the last 4 days.

If we were looking at something longer term, like mono, I might look into a medical withdrawal for the semester. It stinks but what do you do when the professors won’t work with you at all or very little (not sure if you have that problem)?

I would make sure to keep copies/notes of your doctor visits.

Our son is absolutely miserable and I feel terrible for him. He likes living in the dorm, too. He doesn’t want to give this to his roommate. We are fortunate to live close by so he hasn’t missed too much yet.

Wishing you the best - I know how stressful this is.

3

<<
If we were looking at something longer term, like mono, I might look into a medical withdrawal for the semester. It stinks but what do you do when the professors won’t work with you at all or very little (not sure if you have that problem)?
<<<

Taking medical withdrawals seems to be more common now since so many profs will not accept doctors notes or even hospitalizations.

I know that profs are given a LOT of power in their classrooms, but I wonder if at some point the Provosts are going to declare that profs must work with students who have verified illnesses. After all, schools are req’d to bend over backwards for ADD issues, so why not real illnesses?

4

As for your son, I hope he feels better soon. Some doctors are prescribing cortosteroids to help with mono…sometimes can relieve symptoms and shorten the length of illness.

5

My sister had to take a leave when she got mono. It is pretty common. I’m sorry about your son’s illness. :frowning:

6

@mom2collegekids - this past week my son had a Calc 2 exam, a programming project due, and has a major paper due Monday morning by 8 am. He hasn’t been able to miss anything yet. A TA told him he could only miss the Calc 2 exam if he was physically in the hospital, so he went to the exam in a private, proctored room (and managed to do OK, how I don’t know because he had 102 fever).

What started out as a nasty bug turned into his eyes glued shut by Thursday night.

I don’t get it. The doctor told us in no uncertain terms that it is very contagious. I can see how people are forced to go the medical withdrawal route.

We think he will be OK now that he has antibiotics for his eyes, but the pressure of the paper doesn’t help (and that prof never responded).

Sorry for venting on your thread OP. I feel badly for your son. It’s frustrating to be so sick.

7

A lot depends on how sick your son is and whether he feels he can recover academically. Some people with mono recover enough to complete the semester. Others need to withdraw.

Usually, incompletes are for when a student is close to finishing the semester and cannot complete the semester. An incomplete allows the student to complete the work at a future date. It is a formal arrangement with each of the professors. Since he is probably at the midpoint of the semester, this is not likely an option.

He could ask for extensions if needed. Some professors will bend over backwards to help in these situations. Other will be as rigid as steel and won’t grant extensions. He might be able to do a medical withdraw for some of his courses to lighten the load or withdraw completely. This will likely involve the heath center and the Dean of Students.

It can be extremely hard to catch up on missed work. Sometimes it might not be possible. Labs are often not possible to make up. Some professors have zero makeup policies. Dropping one course might be the best assuming he feels he can still do enough to survive the rest of the courses. Needless to say, he needs to discuss the ramifications of this with his advisor.

No matter what you do, he needs to contact each professor immediately. Do not wait. The responses from the professor will likely be a good indication of how flexible they will be. He should also get documentation and follow up with the campus heath center when he returns.

My daughter has gone through this multiple times with different heath issues. Most professors will try to work with you IF you keep them informed promptly before you miss classes or work. However there are limits to what they can do. Sometimes dropping a course or withdrawing completely is the only option. It is not the end of the world but you do need to make sure that you follow all the school’s policies. Most if not all schools will have well defined policies for when and how you can drop courses for medical reasons or for withdrawing completely. Both of these actions could impact financial aid so you need to be aware of that too.

8

@mom2collegekids, it’s more a condition than an illness, but ADD/ADHD is most certainly “real”. I do agree that leaving these decisions to individual professors sounds absurd.There should be a process for assessing medical issues with determinations that are binding on all faculty. At the end of the day, professors are just employees in a large organization, not lords of individual fiefdoms.

@bgbg4us, I hope your son recovers quickly, but if worse comes to worse and he has to withdraw, try to keep in mind (and have him keep in mind) that life is not a race and that when he looks back ten years from now, one semester will have mattered not at all in the big picture of his life.

9

My daughter had a concussion in college - she contacted her advisor who contacted all her professors - they were all very accommodating. She was not supposed to look at any screens until she was better. Her advisor actually said it was easier to handle since it happened at the beginning of the term instead of the end, as there would be plenty of time to make up work.

I think the first step should be with your son talking to his advisor and coming up with a plan. When the advisor asks the teachers - they will have to make accommodations. It is farther along the term then people think (midterms are done already) - incompletes with provisions on when to make up the work is better than a medical withdrawal - so he can still get credit for this semester. Some schools allow a year to “finish up work” on an incomplete.

I know many kids who have had mono at college (actually very common) - they all managed to finish up the work for that year/term with the professors giving them some slack (finished over summer or break.)

10

Not every school offers incompletes.

In our experience, there was a dean or other administrator who told professors what to do in these situations, sometimes in no uncertain terms. They needed to make sure professors didn’t violate the Americans with Disabilities Act, I assume. The dean insisted on an MD documenting the issue, that that was all. Professors did have some discretion but overall, they had to accommodate- most were great about it anyway.

My daughter had chronic health issues in college and took two medical leaves. To be honest, both were fantastic experiences: she made them into coop semesters, I guess you could say. They energized her schooling and her goals. That said, she graduated a year and a half after her peers (with reduced course load the last year).

Same daughter went off the grad school and got mono the first month. The mono attacked her cranial nerves and she was cross-eyed, couldn’t see well. (I asked about corticosteroids and not a single MD thought they were a good idea.)

The thing about mono is that you start to feel better, and take some course or activity back, and then relapse. It is a tricky recovery. My daughter’s school too her off all teaching, then she felt better, started teaching again, and got worse. Even after a few weeks of feeling better, there would be days when she was super tired.

Once the mono really gets going, it can be bad: you really cannot get out of bed, and mental work is tiring too. However, some people do have milder cases and strong immune systems.

I would consider a withdrawal to preserve his GPA. It’s up to him. Extensions will mean pressure and it is uncertain whether, in, say, two months, he will be able to catch up without affecting his health.

It’s hard to tell though. If he can wait a week, or even 5 days, to see how the mono develops in full bloom, maybe he will be able to tell if he should leave. But in the meantime, schoolwork backs up and if he is a kid who works hard and does well, he shouldn’t suffer a drop in grades- better to leave.

Remember this is not a chronic illness. He will resume his life.

11

Two weeks into this fall term, college health services tested and confirmed that our daughter has mono. We believe she contracted it while serving as a counselor at a residential summer camp. She’s doing fine but has been warned to get adequate sleep and not to share eating utensils, etc. And No Kissing! (As a dad, I’m happy to add that one to the list).

Mono affects each person differently in regard to its severity. I had a friend in college who had to take a year off before returning to campus. Our daughter is one of the luckier ones, I guess.

12

DS had mono fairly early in his freshman fall semester. It was a mild case and he didn’t need any academic accommodations. He was warned about not drinking alcohol for several months (even when he felt better) and avoiding contact sports because of liver and spleen issues.

13

Yes, my son had mono at the start of the spring semester. He came down with symptoms between Christmas and the New Year. He delayed return to campus by a couple of days (the semester started around January 7). He was able to get back on track academically. His recovery was pretty quick. One thing to look out for is the SPLEEN as others have mentioned.

14

Both sons had mono as undergrads. The older son got it the fall of his senior year. Went to bed for a few days before returning to class. But, when he got home for Christmas, all he did was sleep. The younger son had it last spring. He had an excuse from the health center, but never miss any classes. He said he was well enough to go to class.

That said, do I think my sons made mistakes rushing back to class? Yes, I do. When the younger son came home at the end of the semester, he, too, spent a lot of time sleeping.

15

Wow it really does vary. My daughter literally was too tired to move for a couple of weeks! I do think you find out pretty quickly whether it is a severe or mild case…

16

I had mono in high school and was out for the count for 2 months, would suggest medical leave…

17

@SouthFloridaMom9 - contact the office of the Dean of Students. They were very helpful with my son a couple of years ago when he had to withdraw for a semester for medical reasons. They may be able to help with some of his professors.

18

I think @cadreamin just went through this, maybe they can reply too.

19

Very sorry to hear this, it can be really hard on these college kids already pushing themselves. Mono can drag on and on, and as mentioned, severity varies. For mine last spring, the first 2-3 weeks were absolutely the worst - fever, and soooo tired - I don’t think she was back to herself for several months. Agree with above, contact Dean of Students, they let the teachers know right away (at least at our school). But student has to be their own advocate and talk to professors anyway and let them know they need extra time, deferment or whatever, particularly when assignments come up.

She pushed through, but we picked her up whenever we could (for sure on weekends) or even during the week if she had later classes the next day. We got permission for a short term parking permit (for the rest of the semester) so she could take her car and get out to get food she would actually eat or get to the doctor, or just get home.

Medically, no contact sports or anything physical like moving furniture type stuff, I’d even avoid skateboarding type activities where a fall could occur - spleen and liver are susceptible to rupture or other issues. They have to take it easy which of course is all they want to do.

GPA may take a hit, but that is life. Health is everything. Hope he feels better soon, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he is still pretty wiped out through the holidays, but these first couple/few weeks are the worst, if you can help him through these, it might ease off a bit and he can get through the last month or so. Feel free to pm me with any questions.

20

I think every case is different. D1 was diagnosed with mono freshman spring, while she was pledging at a sorority. I picked her up from school because she was very sick. She stayed home for 4-5 days (included a weekend) then went back to school. She didn’t do anything other than going to classes for few weeks. Her professors were very accommodating. She finished the semester with fairly good grades.

My nephew also had mono while at school. He took it easy for few weeks (no partying,and no contact sports), and also finished fairly strong academically.