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<p>Only four? (My S is a '10, and he is still in Hanover, supposedly working, but could be living off the land; at least he’s off of my dime!)</p>
<p>Blue, my son is a '10 as well and is thrilled he has more excuses for visiting.</p>
<p>First off, sorry this is such a long post.
I am cross posting because I feel that parents might have some particular insight on this issue. </p>
<p>I just finished my freshman fall at Dartmouth College and had a pretty bad experience.</p>
<p>I am a non-drinker, but I love to be social and spend time with friends. When applying I read that there were many alternative social options, but I haven’t found this to be so. There are certainly a few, but they are just that–few. Movies and performances at the arts center end early, and a cappella shows are usually followed by drinking (or attended by already drunk people). Many club meetings are sparsely attended and thus not good places to make like-minded friends. It is very difficult to meet friends outside of the frats because that seems to be the only place where students gather en masse.</p>
<p>Also, the isolation is already driving me crazy. Because I don’t care to spend time at frats, the only places I can spend time with friends are dorms or the student center. This is fun sometimes, but I just can’t imagine living like this for the next four years. I love walking around town, looking in store windows, shopping, eating out, and meeting new people.</p>
<p>Before anyone accuses me of not doing my research before I chose a school, I would like to say that <em>yes,</em> I did know that Hanover is in the middle of a forest and the frat scene is huge. But so many students seemed to love the environment so I hoped that I would, too. Dartmouth is known for its school pride and enthusiasm, so I guess I figured, “Well, if everybody loves Dartmouth SO much, that must mean it’s great. So even if I’m not into frats, I’m sure I will love it too–doesn’t everyone?”</p>
<p>I live in Southern California (and have lived in the same house since the day I was born) and I have been very homesick. I miss the laid-back atmosphere, the sunny weather, the beaches, and being near my family (with whom I have a very close relationship).</p>
<p>I guess when I was choosing Dartmouth I told myself location shouldn’t be a big issue. I thought “Sure, it’s far from home, but I’ll be fine! I’m independent and confident.” Turns out location has been a huge issue for me. I cry all the time at school, wishing I had stayed in California or that I could see my friends from home. It’s too expensive to come home for Thanksgiving, so I can only come home for Winter and Spring breaks.</p>
<p>I am also missing ballet. I have been a dancer my entire life, and the dance program at Dartmouth is non-existent. Although I am in a student-run dance group, it is small and its members are not very involved (and it’s not very ballet-centered). I knew this when I came to the school, but I had been told “try new things!” so many times that I figured it would be good for me to try new activities in place of ballet. I did try many new activities, but none could replace ballet.</p>
<p>Basically, the point of this thread is not to bash Dartmouth–I think it is a great school and I really <em>want</em> to like it and I have been trying to like it. The point is to ask a question: How soon is too soon to know if I should transfer?</p>
<p>My parents are concerned because I have been very depressed at school and I usually call them crying. They suggested–and I agree with their suggestion–that I apply to transfer to a California school. I would finish the year at Dartmouth and then start at a new school in fall 2011.</p>
<p>The school I would love to transfer to is Pomona College. I was accepted last fall but I chose Dartmouth. I thought Dartmouth had a better academic reputation and that its name and alumni network would take me farther. I also liked the idea of so many traditions, the intense school spirit, the picturesque New England town, the Ivy League name, and the east coast experience. All these things sounded and still sound great on paper–but actually being at the school has made me very unhappy. I imagined by this time I would love college, have some really good friends, and not want to come home. Instead I am afraid to go back in January.</p>
<p>Pomona is 2 hours from where I live, so I could have a car and see my parents on Thanksgiving and any other time I wanted or needed. They have a full-fledged dance department and really great ballet classes there. It’s warm, sunny, and beautiful. The academic experience would be roughly the same, with small classes, close relationships with professors, and very personal advising. I would get the tight-knit community as well as the consortium benefits. I would still be able to do research, study abroad, get internships, and volunteer. The student body seems to be much more laid-back and slightly nerdier, while Dartmouth can feel very preppy and jock-y at times (that’s really not me).</p>
<p>The idea of transferring sounds really great, <em>except</em> that I’m worried I’ll regret it. What I want to know is, is it way too early to know if I dislike Dartmouth? Is my experience and dissatisfaction really common among all first-year students? I recognize how early it is in my college career, and I don’t want to make a rash decision. How soon is too soon to know?</p>
<p>Would Pomona give me a different experience, or am I the problem here?</p>
<p>I am very unhappy at school and I want to be back in California. Please help!</p>
<p>Well I think that every parent on CC would probably like to give you a big hug. I’m glad you’re home with your family now. Soak up the love and sunshine!</p>
<p>My son is a 13 and is a nondrinker, not a frat party person, and he is very happy at Dartmouth. He is still asleep <em>sigh</em> but I will ask him later about how he has organized his social life. I do know that he is kind of a shy guy and may be happier with somewhat less social life than you may be seeking. But he has a great group of friends and always seems busy with activities. Before he decided on Dartmouth, we talked to several people we know with sons who had recently graduated. All were nondrinkers and none joined frats. But each was quite involved in some campus activity. One was very involved in DOC, one was in ski patrol, one was very active in different political programs, etc. Each had found a good connection and loved the school.</p>
<p>I actually work at a university counseling students so I have had the opportunity to speak to any number of homesick, unhappy freshmen, some who were considering transferring (some eventually did) as well as students who had transferred into our school. Sometimes the problem is the student’s expectations, sometimes the problem is the fit with the university, sometimes the student might not be happy anywhere. Despite our ideas about everyone going away to college and being blissfully happy, some people are just much more happy near home. </p>
<p>I would strongly suggest that you stop in at Dick’s House and speak with one of the counselors there a few times, if you haven’t done so already. They are there to support students and may have some helpful ideas on adjusting to the campus. Also they can help you think over your decision about whether to transfer.</p>
<p>While you are at Dartmouth, I would also encourage you to look at this time as an opportunity to live for a while in a completely different environment, a different culture in a way, and take advantage of everything you can. Do something that you might not have the chance to do back at home–go snowshoeing or skating on the pond, visit Boston or Quebec if you can, experience New England. You may live the rest of your life in Southern California, this is a chance for something new. If you are patient and open you will learn a lot from this time, about yourself and about the world, regardless of whether you stay for one year or four. </p>
<p>Finally, remember there is really no right or wrong decision here. Pomona and Dartmouth are both great schools and you can get a great education in either place. Whatever you eventually decide, do what feels right to you and don’t look back.</p>
<p>Definitely not too soon to consider a transfer, assuming you have strong grades the first Q. But recognize that relocating may not solve the homesickness issue. A friend’s D attends USC – less than 30 miles from home – and she was massively homesick; came home many weekends first semester. (Personally, I think it was a mistake to encourage her to come home, but not my kid.) Thus, you could be homesick at Pomona. Alternatively, you could grow out of your homesickness in Hanover over the next term.</p>
<p>Sorry, I don’t “get” a burning desire to see HS friends; I’m betting that this too, will pass. (College is the time to make new ones.) Nevertheless, most California schools are on the quarter system, which meshes well with D’s calendar. In other words, you are home when they are.</p>
<p>OTOH, the Greek scene in Hanover predominates campus social life. Perhaps such a college is not the best fit for someone not into that. Another friend’s D is a '12 and is still unhappy. She should have transferred, IMO (just to be closer to mommy?)</p>
<p>If Pomona was your #2, I could see how the social life would be diametrically opposed to that of Hanover. My suggestion is to apply to Pomona and put it behind you. Go back to Hanover in the winter and try to become more involved. By the time Pomona makes a decision, you’ll know whether you want to return to Hanover. (Of course, I’m sure that you understand that Pomona has a extremely high Frosh retention rate, so they have few dorm spaces for transfers. Some years they accept no transfers, so admissions is a long-shot.) If you had the stats for D&P, USC would love your numbers and probably throw merit money your way. (Yeah, USC is heavy Greek too, but it is transfer-friendly and close to your home.) Stanford is also a long-shot possibility, but definitely not LAC-like (which is a problem, since there are few LACs on the west coast).</p>
<p>mbsmom: not a big fan of Dick’s House, but its health value (or lack thereof) has been discussed on previous threads. :)</p>
<p>14dartmouth - have you made some good friends at Dartmouth? I ask because my daughter started off like you at Dartmouth. Like you she is from southern California and a non-drinking, non-frat person. She was unhappy at college for about the first two or three weeks. That’s how long it took her to develop a solid group of friends. She drew these friends from at least four different sources: her dorm, the Outing Club, DSO, and her church. Add a few more from her classes and she has plenty of people to hang out and have fun with. </p>
<p>It has made all the difference for her. She still isn’t a drinker, and seeing many of her friends go through the rush process and still end not getting into the sororities they wanted has reaffirmed her decision not to go Greek. Neverhteless, she has put together a very full life at Dartmouth. It may not be as easy as at some urban schools, but Dartmouth can still be wonderful for a kid like you. Part of the secret may be embracing what Dartmouth/Hanover <em>does</em> have to offer (outdoor stuff for example) instead of lamenting what it doesn’t.</p>
<p>Not sure I want to sound off on this topic. My son confirmed many of your complaints about Dartmouth, as he is a non-drinker, and non-frat type. After reading the above posts he said he could relate to the experience. But he then said he has met so many people that inspire and excite him that he is looking forward to his next 3 1/2 years. I told him live each day there to the max, because it will go by quickly. (suggestion: watch Eric Tanner’s welcome speech to Class of 2014 on YouTube) I’ve watched many kids go to California, Oregon and Washington from Hawaii, and turn around the first week, or after the first semester. Many for the same reasons stated by 14D. IMHO, leaving your comfort zone is a choice, a difficult one for any teen, but a choice you really ought to think about. The experience of living away, and especially on the East Coast for a West Coaster (or “local” as we say here) cannot be duplicated. How many kids from Southern Cal know how to utilize public transportation? How many can navigate the streets of Manhattan, Boston, Philly or DC? After a couple years on the East Coast you will have seen things and done things that your friends back home will not even understand. And probably, never will. You will have an edge, another broader perspective, and something more you can bring to any table, social or work scene. </p>
<p>I encouraged 3 of son’s friends to go East to broaden their horizons and attend top schools. Their counselor was reluctant and told me that these kids were not “ready” like my son. I had a chat with them and told them that yes it was going to be colder, different, tougher, more competitive and NOT laid back. But that it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to experience life in the fast lane with the best and the brightest in an environment of an elite school and hence, priceless. With a prepared attitude, they are having the time of their life and have thanked me many times over. They all went to their schools, sight unseen, no campus visit, nada. What’s a snow boot, scarf, Bolt bus, metro, T-line, Penn Station, subway??? Yet they are thriving and learning. Isn’t that the point of college?</p>
<p>My D had a tough first year in Boston. Her roomate was from the area, so she was homesick and went home every weekend, leaving my daughter alone and on her own. This forced her to make new friends and find her place on campus. She made new friends and is close to them. They will be friends for life. She later walked on to the tennis team and her world there turned around even more. She was so busy and happy that she did not have any time to mope and complain. She is studying abroad now and cannot wait to get back to campus. </p>
<p>By the way 14D, you will soon see a gap in your friends when you come home. Conversations will evolve around the same things, the same shopping malls, high schools, local events. But you will have seen and experienced so much more. The dividends from the experience alone in the future are priceless and immense. I thank my lucky stars to this day that I was able to go back East for school and make the friends that I still have today. To quote a famous Dartmouth grad, “You’re on your own, and you know what you know. And you will be the [girl] who’ll decide where you’ll go. Oh the places you’ll go.” I can only wish you the best in whatever you decide.</p>
<p>14Dartmouth: Glad to hear you are getting to visit with your family. My D is new there and says that is the #1 thing; not enough time ($) to go home (I did make it to see her, Thanksgiving, since so many were studying). </p>
<p>She too is non-drinker and smoker, but does attend some of the parties. she does say it is odd to drink water but she would like to go occassionally (although they start real late). She did make some freinds from different areas. The students in her dorm, some are very quiet and stay in and have a movie night. They tend to be the quieter/non-drinkers. The clubs may be another source…D attended a language club. THere are also some other events, like speakers that come to campus. I tell her sometimes she just has to ask people…"do you want to go eat together, " etc. It was tough for her since it was always just her and I. She wants me to move north one day…we’ll see.</p>
<p>I would see the counselors and see what they say. I would also have a plan B, see what dates Pomona or any other college review transfers. Maybe visit Pomona and ask.</p>
<p>Another interesting thing in spring, walk over the bridge and go to Norwich…go to the market, eat at the Inn…maybe something very different than you will see once you leave. Burlington was pretty to visit (and we are pretty much city people).</p>
<p>Find another area of interest, like a career. They have dinners, etc. all centered around these type events.</p>
<p>Talk with your parents, counselors, etc. and have a great Christmas (or whatever holiday you celebrate).</p>
<p>I like Bluebayou’s advice. Apply to transfer to Ponoma. Then do your best to embrace Dartmouth. A transfer is a tough ticket to get! If you get the nod from Ponoma this spring, you’ll be able to decide knowing you gave Dartmouth a good shot for a full year. Good Luck!</p>
<p>PS My son has found wonderful friends in the theater dept. They’re a fun bunch and always looking for help. Anyone is welcome to contribute!</p>
<p>14Dartmouth, my freshman felt similarly and things began to turn around between thanksgiving and winter break-- all it really took was time and feeling connected to a few people to start feeling more settled. also, don’t underestimate the enormity of the adjustment. as much as it is a good thing to experience a completely new environment, it can take that much longer to feel at all “at home”. some kids seem to adjust right away, but not everyone by any means. new friends can be great, but don’t have the history you share with the old. give yourself some time --and good for you for asking for advice and help, as well as considering your options. best wishes, and i hope things change for you this winter whatever you decide.</p>
<p>p.s. have you thought about trying to organize a ballet group?</p>
<p>The holiday break is almost over. Hope everyone is getting some quality time with their kids before they send them back to the snow drifts in Hanover. Happy New Year.</p>
<p>With the brick cold and almost 2 feet of snow in NYC, Magnum, how I would to be in your neck of the woods right now :D</p>
<p>Sybbie, the 50th state needs visitors just like you! You could be on a beach tomorrow if you could book a flight today! Like Air Force 1, Continental flies direct from the East Coast to Honolulu.</p>
<p>Parents, if your kids are not ready to return you might try this. I sent my son the Dartmouth Skiway schedule to get him MORE excited for next term:</p>
<p>[Bus</a> Schedule](<a href=“http://www.dartmouth.edu/~skiway/events/busschedule.html]Bus”>http://www.dartmouth.edu/~skiway/events/busschedule.html) </p>
<p>He already told his friends on Facebook that he is looking forward to seeing his “peeps” next week. I think he has been in the sun too long. Happy New Year Parents, let’s work for an even better year in 2011.</p>
<p>And… Tell him that he can sign up to ski while fulfilling one of his PE’s toward graduation :)</p>
<p>The Skiway is no bunny hill. Everybody be careful! Happy and healthy new year to you all.</p>
<p>She’s not kidding…</p>
<p>[TheDartmouth.com:</a> Porter dies after months of fighting injuries](<a href=“http://thedartmouth.com/2005/01/18/news/porter]TheDartmouth.com:”>http://thedartmouth.com/2005/01/18/news/porter)</p>
<p>OMG, and I was worried about sharks in the water today…</p>
<p>[Maui</a> Teen Recounts Shark Attack at Makena Beach - Hawaii News Now - KGMB and KHNL Home](<a href=“http://www.hawaiinewsnow.com/Global/story.asp?s=4566524]Maui”>http://www.hawaiinewsnow.com/Global/story.asp?s=4566524)</p>
<p>trees can be more dangerous. Yes, let’s be careful out there.</p>
<p>Brought my D back to D on Tuesday (Ski Patrol training). Man, that went quick. Most of her friends here just got home last week which didn’t give her much time with them, but she was chomping at the bit to get back “home” to Hanover. The D-plan schedule is so quirky! (And if she makes the final cut for Ski Patrol, Magnum, she’ll be able to keep an eye on your son!)</p>