<p>My (ex)-husband and I split up several years ago. He was my first boyfriend (my high school sweetheart, though he was in college). I haven’t dated since we’ve split but I’m kinda/sorta considering putting myself out there a bit. Truth be told, the thought terrifies me. Any suggestions or words of wisdom? Anecdotes are especially welcome!</p>
<p>Well, my ex wasn’t my college sweetheart, or even my college sweetheart, though we met soon after. And I didn’t wait several years to date. But it WAS scary, thinking of having to deal with being out in the dating pool after having kids and being older and having a past that would always include other people. But I did eventually meet the man who became my husband. It was rather freeing, knowing what I wanted in a mate much more certainly then I did at 25, and knowing who deserved more time and who I could cut loose quickly.</p>
<p>My H and met as “just friends” so it was without the drama and stress of “dating” that we got to know each other. It wasn’t long before we both realized we wanted more. It helped that we already had a lot in common. He accepted me baggage, kids and all (he had never married). We’ve been together 16 years and married for 15. Very happily. Good luck to you!</p>
<p>I did dated after my divorce , but my children were young ( 7&5) I dated a couple of men , but only let my now husband meet my children. They were too young in my book to expose them to anyone casually.
We were both married previously with children.
We were married 2 years after we met and have been married for 18 years now. My ex and current have always gotten along well, which was great for our girls. I didn’t have it so easy with husband’s ex…still don’t since she is….difficult to say the least.
I think it is award transition to go from being married to divorced and dating. All those years of knowing that holidays will be spent together …but you can make for own rules and limits at a level you are comfortable with.
My sister met a man on a dating website and they have been together for 4 years now. I doubt they will marry though, since this would be his third time.
Good luck to you !</p>
<p>My H’s sister, very gun-shy, has now been dating the same guy for over a year now that she met on Match.com. She was horribly mistreated by her former H. This guy is very nice. He’s a widower (wife died tragically when their boat was hit by another). I hope they do get married. He has asked, but she is delaying. (She needs to say, YES!) lol</p>
<p>When it was regularly broadcast in my area, I used to listen to the Dr. Joy Browne radio show. I noticed that her advice to divorcees was often comical but always stern and with purpose. You might want to see if her show can be heard in your region so you can hear some of her suggestions. As I recall, one of her stead fast rules for recent divorcees was ‘no dates for at least a year.’ Always sounded sort of harsh to me.</p>
<p>I separated in February and tried online dating this past summer. I met some nice people but some real psychos too. Plus plenty of players. I dated two men from Match (one for several months – he is a really nice guy). I also tried speed-dating which I actually preferred to online. You can’t hide with speed dating. After 5 minutes, you know if there’s a connection or not. Then I also dated someone where we had a mutual friend. That’s the best way to meet someone, I think.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>Both my coworker and I found our new spouses on eharmony after our divorces. Make sure you have had time (and IMHO therapy) to process everything first. Online sites that require payment do some of the screening for you and some have specific connotations (eg long term relationship material or hook ups).</p>
<p>The problem I would counsel about speed dating is that not everyone is an extrovert. If you are a person open to someone not able to necessarily turn on the high beams and shine in five minutes on stage then that might not be for you. In fact, I often found those guys needed a second date before you could rule them in or out…that second date tended to be where they felt more comfortable and you got a truer view of them. </p>
<p>I haven’t dated for years, but my advice after witnessing friends forays into dating is, don’t sell yourself short.
I have a friend who goes out with awful sounding men, just to have something to do.
Then again, she is an extrovert, and she gets lots of material for stories.
Do you belong to any clubs or volunteer organizations?</p>