<p>When I asked if the guy took advantage of OP, I was not implying he forced himself on her. As a good friend, he would be taking advantage of her by having sex with her knowing how she felt about him, if he didn’t feel the same way. If they didn’t know each as well, he may not have been as confident to make the move even if they were a bit tipsy. I guess I was asking if he did it knowing she wouldn’t say no, without regard for her emotional state after crossing the line.</p>
<p>Younghoss - You’re correct, there was no sex. Though I have no idea who initiated what happened, I can confidently say that there was no taking advantage of anyone. I wanted it to happen, was completely fine with it while it was happening, etc. He did not do anything that I was not more than willing to do. (whether it was smart or not is another question entirely…). </p>
<p>As for my taking advantage of him… he choose to drink more than he could consume and drive home. He chose to sleep in my bed rather than on my sofa/floor/etc. I may have initiated it, but he certainly participated. It’s not like he didn’t know that I was intoxicated too, </p>
<p>My question is more “what happens now” then it is “what happened”…</p>
<p>This might be more detail than you want to provide, but just think about it … was he a good kisser? I dated a guy who turned out to be gay (his roommate was his lover, to everyone’s surprise), and he was the worst kisser ever. Not surprising once I found out he was gay. He really wasn’t that in to me – or any girl. I pray for his rommate’s sake that he was able to commit more in that relationship. :)</p>
<p>Have dinner with him, see if he brings the other night up. What is it you want to happen, besides him fall madly in love with you? Can you maintain a friendship, knowing that there is no way more will happen? I absolutely agree that if you are spending lots of time with this guy, it’s keeping other possible suitors away. I guess I’m very direct, but I couldn’t sit through a whole dinner with the guy and not try to clear the air. I would need to know where I stand. A platonic friend? Is a friend with benefits situation something you could live with? Nothing short of a true, full, romantic relationship? Decide what will be best for YOU in the long run, and act and ask accordingly.</p>
<p>Your story would sound so familiar, NY, if the genders were reversed. We’ve all heard of a girl that just wants to be friends but a guy hopes for more. If this is a friend, I think you owe him a call. Think of it this way- how could you say that your friend DOESN’T deserve a call if you think he may feel you’ve done something wrong? Awkward? You bet. But thats a part of adult life. Maybe tell him you had a good time, glad you 2 resisted serious physical temptations since you both weren’t ready. Then suggest another friendly meeting, doing what you 2 normally did before. Then the ball is in his court. He might accept, decline, offer an alternative, or ignore you. His privilege, but his loss if he loses you as a friend. You can’t make him like you as a friend or as more. You can only be fair, and up-front then he must decide. After that, YOU must decide to either accept it, or move on.</p>
<p>If you really want the relationship with him and are willing to wait, then be patient and wait for him. You cannot forget that you may be setting yourself up to fail, but then again, you may be pleasantly surprised. This is the same story with my best friend and I, only I cannot give you a happily ever after story just yet. He’s been courting me for the past 4 years and I’m finally coming around to see what I’ve been missing out on. It takes time. He may not be ready just yet for a serious relationship with you. If his thoughts are anything like mine, I knew that dating my friend would mean one of two things, either we stay together happily and that’s my ever after, or our friendship is torn apart forever. It may take him time for the idea of you two being together as more than just friends to grow on him also. If you are really wanting this, and you know he’s the only one for you, then give him as much time as he needs. What’s a few years of waiting to gain a forever? Follow your heart and don’t give up. Some of the most classic and timeless love stories come from one of the partners waiting for the other in some fashion or another. Whatever you do, don’t lose your faith in everything working out.</p>
<p>I forgot to add this in my last message, sorry all! :)</p>
<p>“The gay thing is something I’ve tossed around… not because I’m so wonderful that no straight man could resist me, but because there hasn’t been another girl in the three years I’ve known him. Sure, he dates, but I don’t think he’s ever made it to a third date with anyone in those three years. I’m biased because he really is my best friend, but it seems odd to me that someone who is attractive, nice, and successful would be unattached for three straight years.”</p>
<p>Have you considered the possibility that maybe the other girls just aren’t you? </p>
<p>Just throwing that out there.</p>
<p>Having seen this thread revived, I’m now terribly curious about what happened!</p>
<p>I have always started my relationships with men as being great friends and then moving to dating (for those that went in that direction). I did marry my best friend :)! I’m hoping things work out well for you & your friend. It is an awkward time when one or both of you are exploring whether you want more than “just friends” and whether and to what degree romance will become a part of the relationship. </p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>Me, too. It’s funny that old threads get revived and I see that I’ve posted on them, but I don’t remember wth I wrote on them. Thankfully, it holds up!</p>