No, the guy’s a loser. But that doesn’t preclude one from taking pages out of the Book of Common Sense.
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@Marilyn: My son worked for Epic as well, for two years. Saved a boatload of $$$ and bought a house. (But he’s married now and in Seattle.)
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I will let you know. He was seeing someone but will find out if still dating her. I owe him a call anyway…
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LOL, if we’re starting our own dating service, I have that mid-30’s son in Seattle. Formerly with Amazon, now contracted with Meta, good looking, frugal, healthy, nice apartment, socially inept…
But good relationship with his mother 
.
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Oh no, I’m not falling for that one again!
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I have a lovely D who lives in LA. She’s smart, articulate and VERY empathetic. She’s in her mid-30s and gets along with nearly everyone.
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A past friend of mine (we were roommates in grad school) and I were dating 2 guys who were roommates and in law school. We did lots of things together. When her bf finished law school he moved to a city a few hours away. She would typically go down to see him more than his coming up to see her. She should have seen the signs (I think she did but ignored them- like ladies toiletries in his bathroom). Well, he dumped her and married the other woman. Many many years later he and I connected on Facebook and he asked me to apologize to my friend for him. I told him it wasn’t my place. And I didn’t think she’d appreciate knowing he connected with me (and not her) on Facebook.
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I have a friend who was married when she and her husband were both in (different) grad schools. She went to visit him one weekend not long after the school year started, and his classmates all seemed surprised to meet her as they had no idea he had a wife. We all laugh about this now but it was drama at the time. And yes, by the end of grad school, they were divorced.
“Two-timing” is old as the hills.
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My friend’s story…
She had a frequent customer who talked about how she’d be a perfect match for his son. Eventually he brought his son along with him one day and later he asked what she had thought, she actually did think his son was pretty great and the dad passed along that his son was very smitten and asked if it would be ok if his son asked her out, so she said yes I’d like that.
So the son came in and asked her out when he came into her work as a customer, too and they made plans for a date. Well, she ran credit check (because that was part of her job) and discovered he was married. So she called him and said, “You and your wife have been approved for…” and ended the call.
The dad showed up and said his son was incredibly upset with him because he thought his dad had already told her he was separated since he was the one introducing them to each other and apologized. The son also apologized that he hadn’t made sure she knew before asking her out and affirmed that he was separated and had been for quite some time.
She told him she wasn’t interested in dating someone separated. She was divorced and knew that it is a tough time and not a good time to try to start new relationships because separated couples do sometimes find their way back to each other. She told him there’s a reason you are separated and not divorced that you need to work through on your own.
Soon after the dad came in again and mentioned he was so glad his son had met her. His son was finally starting to move on again in his life and that what she’d told him had been a real wake up call. He kept coming in with updates.
Eventually the son showed up. “I’m finally divorced, and I really like you, may I please have that date now?” and she did date him. They married, had kids and are still happily married.
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I like how your friend thinks/thought.
She called me crying the day it happened. She said it was the hardest thing she had ever had to do because she had had the “he’s the one vibes” when they met and she was so disappointed. But since she was a divorced single mom, she knew she was setting standards for her daughter, too.
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I get that. What I don’t get is creating a new identity? Seems to me that a person who does that has some very serious mental health issues. I’m sure there are men and women who have scammed people like this. Maybe we just hear more about it now in the age of social media and websites like Are You Dating My Boyfriend.
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If I were writing a short story about this situation (pure speculation!), I’d start with an engaged guy who, through happenstance, met another woman that he found very attractive in every way. After a lot of small talk, he asks her out. Meanwhile at home, he’s caught up in the chaos of wedding planning, so this is a much-wanted escape. Wedding proceeds, relationship with #2 proceeds, etc. etc. etc.
Not exactly mentally ill but weak-willed and self-indulgent for sure.
Just my imagination.
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Read the book More Than You’ll Ever Know by Katie Gonzalez. It’s about a happily married woman who meets another man at a wedding she attends by herself. One thing leads to another and after a few years she marries the second guy. Adventures ensue.
We just read it for a book club of mine and the book annoyed me terribly. It’s another example of “women behaving badly” and the adventures they have because of their initial bad, immoral behavior. I can’t really empathize with them when I so highly disapprove of their behavior. Yellowface made me feel the same way.
Sorry for the diversion. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming. 
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The short story you imagine is in line with our society’s typical framing surrounding infidelity:
- The affair partner is truly a better match
- The affair partner is the cheater’s “true love”
- The cheater would have married the affair partner if only he had met her first. (Ah, cruel fate!)
- The fiance/wife is a bit of a bore, no? Proof: see how wrapped up she is in planning her wedding. She doesn’t really understand passion the way the cheater and affair partner do. She is probably sexless. The affair is an escape–an escape from that sexless wedding-planning fiance.
- Yes, the cheater is “weak-willed” and “self-indulgent.” But that’s the worst you can say about him (and you wouldn’t have to say anything bad at all about him if he had only met his true love before that boring wedding-planning fiance. Ah, cruel fate!)
- The cheater may be weak willed, but mainly he can’t stand to hurt the sexless wedding-planning fiance. He’s just too kind!
- He never wanted to be a cheater! How did such a thing happen to him! It was happenstance. (Ah, cruel fate!)
In reality, I think cheaters like being cheaters. It works for them. The sex is hot. They don’t stumble into it. They make a decision every day to deceive the person they claim to love. They like the deception. It’s exciting.
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Or the bride could be standing at the altar in front of the queen ready to say her vows and realizes the groom would never feel towards her like he feels for her sister. “You are the bane of my existence and object of all my desires”.
Recognizing that a sibling’s intended is your true love is a big trope in romance novels.
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Wow–Bridgerton really is becoming omnipresent! 
I find it too exhausting to contemplate having a double life. You can never really let your guard down and you always have to remember the persona you are playing. Must be so devastating for the families of these deceivers.
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Apparently, Walmart sells Fathers Day cards in packs of 5. There must be more of this out there than we thought!
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I had a friend,now deceased, who was a decendent of one of the most powerful men in colonial America.Her father had the same first name as the ancestor. He named my friend after the ancestor’s daughter. That daughter was scammed by a charlatan and the subject of one of the biggest scandals in colonal America. Charlatan shows up in colonial America claiming to be the nephew of the Lord Chief Justice of England.Colonial families fell all over themselves trying to marry their daughters off to him.She “wins”. They get married.Sail off to England together with trunks containing a generous dowry from her father- clothing, jewels, goods to set up a household After the trip, they spend a night in an inn. Th next morning they go to lodgings.New husband says he has to go to the ship to get their luggage. Later, men show up with their trunks. When he’s not there by nightfall, she breaks the locks to get money from the trunks. Trunks are filled with rocks and rubbish. Investigation proves he is wanted for fraud and for abandoning his wife and child 2 or 3 years earlier.HeShe never sees him aglain.
She learns she is pregnant. Too embarrassed to go home
Manages to support herself and child. Father keeps begging her to come home. After 13 years, she agrees,leaving her daughter in England with childless married sister. She sets sail back to New England. Ship stops in Jamaica on the way. While it is docked,a powerful earthquake hits.All aboard the ship drown.
So, this sort of fraud isn’t new!
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