<p>Do you have little traveled back roads on which to practice? It sounds like she is not ready to get out on the road.</p>
<p>We started in a parking lot, progressed to an industrial park (after hours), and then the development we live in before going out on the road. Both of my girls did the over or under compensation for the turns. It drove me crazy, no pun intended.</p>
<p>It also sounds like she is not motivated to drive. Both of my daughters we highly motivated, because having a license gave them independence. One daughter has a friend who was not interested in earning her license, and we just could not understand that mentality. Why would you still want to be chauffeured by your parents at age 18?</p>
<p>I agree that it is a good idea to know how to drive, but again–plenty of people can’t or don’t want to, even in rural or suburban areas not well served by public transportation. But I do also agree, HImom, that it can’t hurt to try to help the OP’s daughter get over the learning “hump.”</p>
<p>if I could I would live in a place where I could walk or take trains or buses to everything. I hate driving.</p>
<p>I think more driving lessons with a good instructor would be helpful. </p>
<p>Some people simply are not ready for the road test after the standard number of hours of behind-the-wheel instruction. I was one of these people. One of my kids was, too. </p>
<p>In these situations, practice driving with a parent, although helpful, may not be enough. It costs extra for additional driving lessons, but I think it’s a good investment – at any age.</p>
<p>D1 lives/works in NYC, but as the the most junior person when she travels for work, she is often the designated driver. She does travel to cities where there is no readily available public transportation or taxi. </p>
<p>We lived outside of US when D2 was in high school, so she never learned to drive well. We are going to teach her how to drive before she graduates from college.</p>
<p>Perhaps your dau has an issue with depth perception. This can make it challenging to do sports and so forth. Google around about it; there’s lots of info on the web about it. E.g., [Depth</a> Perception - Tests and Treatment Options | EyeHealthWeb.com](<a href=“http://www.eyehealthweb.com/depth-perception/]Depth”>Understanding Your Depth Perception) I think there are glasses and/or exercises one can do to help correct this if it’s an issue.</p>
<p>Is driving still considered an important life skill? Being unable to drive imposes many limitations. The OP’s d will need to live in an area with good public transportation options, usually a large city or university town. This might be what she hopes to do. However, she’ll always have to ask herself “how will I get there?” if she finds herself in an area without public transportation. It could hold her back professionally if she needs to travel occasionally for work, even if she lives next door to her employer.</p>
<p>I know many young people who got their drivers’ licenses after high school, including my oldest daughter. At the age of 30, she drives more than 30,000 miles annually throughout metropolitan DC (not a driver-friendly area) for her job. She has become an excellent driver. </p>
<p>Your daughter can become a safe, confident driver. The right teacher makes a difference. It takes many hours of driving with someone to make a good driver. Good luck to your d.</p>
<p>I’d try and help her out by getting more lessons, or at least have a trusted family friend or relative take her out to get another perspective. Maybe she’s listening to your input on her driving a bit more emotionally than she would with someone not as close.</p>
<p>It sounds like she is motivated to get a license. If she wasn’t, and felt she didn’t need a license, I’d let quit driving her places, and let her get ready for what it takes to live life without a license. Some people love using taxi’s and public transportation, others not so much.</p>
<p>Having a driver’s license and knowing how to drive is as close to an essential lifeskill as you can get. Even if you live in a city with good public transit, there may often be instances where you will have to drive. There’s no guarantee that she’ll live in a city forever. I only know one adult who does not have a driver’s license and that is due to a health issue. They don’t all have cars but they do all have a license. </p>
<p>Find a good instructor(a parent is rarely the best choice as an instructor) and continue the lessons until she’s feeling more comfortable, then have her drive as often as possible, even small distances. She may never be a good driver but she’ll know that she can do it when necessary.</p>
<p>I am a terrible, terrible, terrible driver. I have my license and have never had an accident, but I try not to drive and you should all thank me.</p>
<p>Here is my problem (and this is not indicative of anyone but me). I can’t perceive what comes next. It is like a learning disability. When most people drive, mentally they can project what comes next, but I can’t. When other people are driving, they can read the cues of other drivers and circumstances. I can’t. It’s like a blank screen to me. When other people drive, they can use the rear view mirror pretty much simultaneously while driving. I can’t do that either. It’s not a matter of practice or good lessons, I’ve had all of those. My brain is not able to do these things and never will be able to.</p>
<p>What we have learned is that I can practice the routes I need to drive and my husband (who is an excellent driver) can talk me through what I need to know. For example, if I have to drive somewhere for the first time, he will do several test runs and say “when you get HERE, you must be in this lane, when you see THIS, you must do THAT. At this intersection, other drivers often do THIS, so you must RESPOND BY . . .”</p>
<p>I can remember those instructions and the words in his head make the route flow in a way that my own brain doesn’t. I do not drive on highways because I do not have the ability to accommodate at high speeds and it would be irresponsible of me to do something that I will never do safely. </p>
<p>I think you should listen to your daughter. Ask her to talk you through what she sees, perceives and envisions when she is driving. Not what you think she should be perceiving or what you perceive, but listten to her words and work with what is actually there, then you will be able to see how you can fix it.</p>
<p>I guess it depends on where you live, but the vast majority of places in the US are quite inhospitable to non-drivers, so if you don’t live in one of a handful of urban areas with good public transport, it’s a handicap to not be able to drive. I would be in favor of continuing to encourage your D to learn while she’s still young. That said, I would recommend that she take more lessons with a neutral and calm professional instructor, rather than going for practice sessions with Dad. My H was not good in the car with my D when she was learning; he got frustrated with her caution, etc. He made her very nervous. My father also made me very nervous when I was learning. Another course with a professional instructor might help. Your D may be anxious with you, and that would affect her performance. Just a thought.</p>
<p>Driving is useful but hardly essential. Loads and loads of people do not own cars, and somehow get around in life. yes, this will be more problematic in a rural neighborhood; sounds like she already picked an urban place for college, so maybe she knows her limitations and what works best for her.</p>
<p>I’d venture to guess that a huge percentage of NYC inhabitants, for example, don’t own cars. That’s an area where driving is not a realistic alternative to taking a subway home at 2 am. Taxi, maybe. Travel with friends, maybe. Drive? Very few city dwellers drive around the city at night. No where to put the car, for one thing (or expensive parking…better off paying for taxi.)</p>
<p>I know numbers of people who don’t like to drive, and so don’t. They do get around in the world. Lots of places have adequate public transportation. I live in a suburb; my kids did not own cars (though they can drive), and used buses to get to work.</p>
<p>I agree with others that if it’s that difficult for her, especially psychologically, we are all better off with her not being forced into the driver seat she’s not comfortable in.</p>
<p>I second the comment about practicing in a parking lot/industrial park off hours. It takes several steps to become a decent driver. First she needs to be able to handle the car itself - stopping/starting/ backing up. Also - try to have her practice in the smallest car you own. My kids did best in an old Corolla - it just felt more manageable to them. And it does take many days of practice. I went through the same thing with my daughter. She’d practice for 20 minutes and then not want to get back behind the wheel for 2 weeks - and then we’d be right back at square 1. Once she’s ok in the parking lot - venture out onto local roads. And do this in the daytime. Driving at night is a whole other adventure and set of distractions. Then focus on parking. I didn’t take them out on a highway for several months after they had been driving on local roads and had their licenses.</p>
<p>My son is 27 and has never owned a car. In various communities, he has either lived within walking distance of his jobs or commuted by bicycle. He also uses mass transit.</p>
<p>But that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t drive. In fact, without judicious use of ZipCar and rental cars, I don’t think he could maintain his carless lifestyle. Sometimes, in some settings, you simply need a car. You don’t need to own one, but you need to have a license so that you can obtain one temporarily.</p>
<p>I have long said that bike-riding is a “pre-driving” skill. When kids ride bikes a lot, they seem to be better early drivers. They’re just more aware of paying attention, turning, braking, etc. </p>
<p>My older son was nearly a total failure at driving. Seriously. His younger brother got his license long before older son did. Older son was AWFUL. He made several of the same mistakes that OP’s D does. And, while older son did learn how to ride a bike, he rarely did so (until AFTER he learned to drive…go figure). </p>
<p>If I could draw pictures in this post, I would be able to draw some of the craziest pics of some of the craziest things that S1 did while driving. I can’t even describe them. </p>
<p>We hired private driving teachers, we practiced, practiced, practiced. He failed the driving test (I think) 4 times. The last time he took the test, I BURST INTO TEARS (how embarrassing that was!!) because it appeared that the test person was going to fail him AGAIN…and son was just a day away from leaving for college and we really wanted him to have his license before going for ID purposes. Seriously, I think he was about to be failed and the person took pity and gave him a barely passing score. I promised the person that son wouldn’t be driving in college and that I wouldn’t let him have a car alone until I was certain he was a better driver. (this was so nutty since we bought our son a new car when he graduated from high school, yet he couldn’t drive it!!!)</p>
<p>Finally, when S1 was a junior in college we felt he was a good enough driver to drive by himself. He’s had no accidents or tickets and he’s now 24 and drives all the time. </p>
<p>In our state, a kid can get his permit on his 15th birthday, so it took S1 FIVE years to become a good driver…but it can be done!</p>
<p>Have her drive the same car always…skittish drivers panic when driving different cars.</p>
<p>I agree that using a smaller car is better.</p>
<p>Practice in areas where there are few other cars. My dad used to have us practice at a very large industrial park area on weekends when there were few cars, but lots of streets, stop signs, and parking lots. </p>
<p>Before going, have your D review a MAP of the area that she’ll be driving if it’s unfamiliar. </p>
<p>One thing we did note about S1 was that he was very unfamiliar with streets that were near our home and that had been well-traveled. That was odd, but it was because he always had his nose in a book when we were driving, so he wasn’t ever paying attention. Conversely, younger son always paid attention and knew all the roads (names, directions, etc) long before he began driving.</p>
<p>This is a tough situation. It is my observation that people who don’t drive a lot when they are young are less likely to be really good drivers later, because it just never becomes as natural to them–I think it’s not unlike learning a language. I agree with the advice to get her additional professional lessons, but also think about low-stress practicing in a parking lot, or early on Sunday morning, or just around and around and around on familiar local streets. You may need many, many hours of such practice.</p>
<p>I can’t help laughing at this post, OP. I could have written it this time last year. My D was the same way. She was very late learning to swim and ride a bike, in spite of her intelligence.</p>
<p>She failed her first road test because she was such an under-confident driver, which caused us to not want to take her out on the road. After a while, though, it became ridiculous and we realized she needed to get her license. So DH, who is a lot braver and mellower than I am, took her out on the road for long hours of practice. Three weeks after she turned 18 and about a week before her permit expired, she passed the road test.</p>
<p>This is an essential life skill, but a lot of people wait until their 20s to get a license, especially those who live in cities with a good public transit system. Still, I agree with Sax that I wouldn’t want my daughter (or son) riding the subway late at night.</p>
<p>Your D will eventually get better with practice. Just keep taking her out (we also paid for private road lessons even after she’d fulfilled the mandatory legal hours) and let her get more confident. You can also remind her that it’s not cool to mooch off her friends for rides, even if she contributes gas money.</p>
<p>If driving isn’t an “essential” skill, then it’s still pretty close - and just because you live in a big city doesn’t mean you won’t ever need to drive. My D lives in Chicago but her job requires driving to the suburbs on a routine basis; her employer recommends that staff in her position have access to a car, even if they don’t own a car themselves (her supervisor uses ZipCars when necessary). One of her coworkers who doesn’t drive must take a combination of buses and the el to get to work each day - a ninety-minute-to-two-hour commute each way. </p>
<p>Plus, the inability (or unwillingness?) to drive does restrict where you wind up living and working. The public transportation is terrible in my neck of the woods.</p>