<p>What do you do when a kid can’t drive. I mean, she’s terrible. My D is a HS senior and by all statistical measures a talented kid (3.97 gpa, 3rd in class, 2200 SAT, accepted EA to UChicago, plays the clarinet), but she can’t seem to get the hang of operating a car. She got her learner’s permit during her sophomore year and we started practicing. She took lessons with a driving instructor. She was afraid to take the road test for her license until her permit was about to expire, then gave it a shot and failed (as I fully expected). That was last January. She had to renew her permit, but she never wanted to practice after that. Her permit is now set to expire again next month and recently she decided she wants to try the road test again. So we have been practicing over winter break. She’s terrible! She drives way too slow, over or under turns corners or comes to a complete stop before turning, and stops 10 yards too soon at intersections. Worst of all, she gets confused backing up and always turns the steering wheel the wrong way. </p>
<p>I guess I should not be surprised. D never learned to swim despite four different series of lessons between ages 5 and 10. The last instructor gave up, saying “It’s hopeless. She’ll never swim.” When she was about 7, I taught her to ride a bike. After several weeks, she was finally able to go up and down our street. (My other daughters learned in a day.) But she decided she didn’t like riding a bike and has not been on one ever since.</p>
<p>Is driving still considered an important life skill? Is it ok just to just admit that she’ll never drive and suggest that she either become rich and successful enough that she can hire a chauffeur or else live in a big city where she can rely on public transportation and taxis? DW has become quite frustrated because we have to drive D everywhere, whereas D’s step-sister (also a HS senior) has had her license for over a year and drives herself everywhere. </p>
<p>Well, I can’t speak from the parent side, but I’m a sophomore in college and I still don’t have my license. My permit is long expired. I really do regret letting it get to this point, because now I don’t know when I am going to re-learn to drive. I won’t be home for an extended period of time until summer 2015, which is also when I will be working on med school applications, so not good timing!</p>
<p>Anyways, I think I’ve really screwed myself over with my decision to not get my license (but I would never admit that to my parents). Not sure what I’m going to do at this point. I would recommend encouraging your daughter to not end up in the same situation as me. It stinks.</p>
<p>She is probably afraid of something bad happening. Has she been involved in a car accident before? Do you overreact to little mistakes she makes when driving? That’s why I gave it up. Whenever I would do something wrong, my mom would start screaming at me and make me cry.</p>
<p>Also, just so you know, I totally get why you guys are frustrated at having to drive her around everywhere, but remember that she’s probably just as frustrated that she has to be driven everywhere by her parents. It stinks having to depend on someone else for a ride.</p>
<p>Our kids were NOT enthusiastic about getting their licenses either. We did a LOT of driving together. We practiced a lot in empty parking lots, just so they got a GOOD sense of where their vehicle was in the lane and in a parking space–the front, back and sides. That may seem simple (and maybe a bit silly), but has been very valuable and helped them have a better sense of where they are in space on the road.</p>
<p>We renewed their permits several times but pushed them HARD to get licenses at least for ID once they were away at college.</p>
<p>I’d suggest you ask friends and neighbors for recommendations of good private driving instructors that can help your D develop the confidence and skills to be a good driver. She has more time to learn now than she likely will when she’s settling into college (possibly far from your home). I think it’s useful to be ABLE to drive competently and gives you more options about jobs, fields, even where you may wish to live. Both of my kids drive now because it would take them double or triple the time for them to get where they need to otherwise. The cities they live in have some limited public transit, but even so they find that driving gives them many more options.</p>
<p>The ability to drive decently and competently IS an important skills and one at least worth pursuing more than it sounds like has been done so far. Definitely check out reviews of the various instructors before hiring but it is worth investing in. I think it would be beneficial for her to practice with a CALM person that she is comfortable with in an empty parking lot, to get more comfortable even before she has her continued private driving lessons.</p>
<p>Her intelligence or other abilities have no bearing on her ability to drive. Sounds like it is some kind of motor-skills issue. I know lots of people who can’t drive for various reasons–brain injury, legal blindness, etc.–and they cope (even in our small city, which is not the best for non-driving people). U of C is a great place to be without a car–she wouldn’t want one there anyway. She will do fine. She will just have to live in places with good public transportation!</p>
<p>Oh and I should mention. Being a Chicago native and also attending school in a city (Cleveland), having a car at school is totally not necessary. In fact I would recommend against it. Parking in a city is expensive, and the drivers here are relatively aggressive. Also almost all streets downtown are one way streets, which I and most people I know find confusing.
Public transportation is gross in any city in my opinion, but it’s cheaper and it can get you where you need to go.
She should get her license not so she can drive in college but so she can drive later in life.</p>
<p>I have no problem driving now, but I didn’t get my license until I was 35. I had learners permits multiple times but somehow or other never felt comfortable enough to actually take the test. It drove my father and then my husband crazy, but driving is a personal expression of how you view the world, and you should not force the issue. </p>
<p>When everyone was trying to get me to drive, I did many of the things your D does - full stop at all intersections, driving slowly. I was convinced that when I was on one street, any car approaching the intersection I was driving through was going to plow into me. </p>
<p>I believe the issue has more to do with confidence in myself than intelligence or gross motor skills. Once I developed the nexus of self confidence and need to drive, I dealt with it on my own time. </p>
<p>I suggest you forget about it. Drive her where she needs to go if it fits your calendar; and if it’s not convenient for you, she can take a bus or taxi. Relax and let this be her problem and her decision. </p>
<p>If you force her to drive before she truly wants to, you’re basically telling her to view herself and the world differently from the way she views herself and it. That’s not only hard but also dangerous. After all, how would you feel, having forced her to drive, if she has a car accident and is injured, or injures someone else?</p>
<p>Yes, even if she may not be driving when she’s in college, now is a good time for her to hone her skills and get her license, so she can have it and the confidence to live where she chooses, regardless of the public transit system in the city (or rural) area where she may choose to live. When we visited Chicago, we chose to use public transit and taxis and NOT drive. The transit there is quite good.</p>
<p>It’s best to ask your D what SHE wants. If she DOESN’T want to drive and wants to wait until some undisclosed future date, so be it. If she wants more private lessons and possibly to take a driver’s road test, then why not make that happen?</p>
<p>Perhaps part of the issue is that the OP may live in a suburban area where walking and public transportation are not very convenient ways to get around (unlike in big cities), and the daughter is uninterested in bicycling.</p>
<p>Yes, many places including our state do have govt issued photo IDs, but we thought it best for them to learn to drive when their peers were. It is a lot easier than being the only one learning to drive long, long after all your friends and having to always bum rides. Our kids were not totally resistant to the idea and were glad they had gotten their licenses because it made it much easier for S to get to and from his jobs. </p>
<p>In college SR year, both wanted vehicles for interviews and jobs. It was good that they had licenses and some experience in driving by then, especially since both ended up living in big cities with LOTS of traffic and uneven public transit.</p>
<p>Long ago a HS classmate had the same problem but eventually learned to drive before graduating college. Driving in Chicago is not easy, so even if your daughter does get her license before college she is not likely to get much practice. Have you thought about starting on a smaller scale with golf carts or go-carts? Once she feels comfortable with driving those she may be better with a car.</p>
<p>No doubt about it: driving is a mandatory life skill. She doesn’t have to be the best in the world but she does have to be minimally competent enough to get a license.</p>
<p>Find a decent simulator and let her practice on her own . No worries about getting in accidents. Either pc based or game system.
Needs steering wheel and pedals</p>
<p>Don’t want your daughter on the subway at 2
am.</p>
<p>Truth be told, I just got my license so I would have a more recognized form of ID for college, to cash checks, etc. In those days, the driver’s permit was just paper and had no photograph. I didn’t drive much, as I had no vehicle. I did drive a little bit over the summers and when we went on road trips and the main driver needed a break. </p>
<p>I was minimally competent until I started working full-time at my law firm and had to drive regularly. That was when I started getting more mileage and hours, as well as various driving conditions. Five years later, when we were first married and I was in my late 20s, H took it upon himself to help me become a better driver and that was very helpful.</p>
<p>Would definitely encourage this young woman and try to help her find a private driving instructor that she likes who can help her become a better and more confident driver–it is an important life skill in MANY communities in the US and affects job opportunities and even internships.</p>
<p>Driving is MUCH safer than being out late at night at work or elsewhere and worrying about public transit and whether the last one was missed.</p>
<p>No, I wouldn’t want my daughter on the subway at 2 am, but I wouldn’t want her walking to her car and being stopped at lonely intersections then either. There are also taxis for occasions when it isn’t wise to be walking/riding the bus or subway late at night. </p>
<p>Seriously, millions of people don’t drive. It is a life skill, to be sure, but it is hardly “essential.”</p>
<p>No one is saying driving is ESSENTIAL or that EVERYONE HAS to drive. It still seems that this young woman should be given the opportunity to have more private lessons if she is interested in obtaining her driver’s license. Haven’t read that she DOESN’T want to get one and did read that she needs more skill to be minimally competent.</p>
<p>I like the golf cart idea – start small, get used to controlling a machine with pedals and a steering wheel. I always thought I was a better driver with years of riding horses (eventing and dressage work) under my belt. In addition, my parents had us driving the cars on our own property – garage was a football field’s length from the house and we would bring the car around for our parents and put them away. Won’t work with standard suburban short driveway!</p>