<p>OP, how is your daughter’s proprioception (her spatial sense, her sense of where things are and how fast they are moving)? She might be like baktrax and me:</p>
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<p>It’s not impossible to learn to drive if your proprioception is poor, but you will need more practice, and it’ll take you a longer time to feel confident. </p>
<p>People are going to say you can learn where your car begins and ends. You can, but people with bad proprioception have trouble even with where their body begins and ends too. The learning isn’t going to be perfect.</p>
<p>I might even start with the bike again. It has to be something to do with the movement of the thing - the biking, the skating, the driving, the swimming - motion. Does she get motion sickness? Any balance issues?</p>
<p>It’s not really ‘essential’ where I live but it sure helps a lot. I was really nervous to begin driving and didn’t even WANT to start driving until 19. I got my license at 21 after practicing and honestly, being a bad driver for about a year. I am very cautious since I still get nervous about it but it can be overcome. Sometimes, it really is just nerves. And being comfortable behind the wheel. Some people do get their license later in life as well so that isn’t unusual. </p>
<p>Then again, I know some people who don’t drive at all and that’s fine but it is really a useful skill to have.</p>
<p>Practice is obviously key. Good luck to your D.</p>
<p>Obviously, you don’t have to rent a car for every type of vacation but there are certainly many times when it would make it very difficult or impossible to do the type of vacation, or trip, you wanted without the ability to drive. When I think about the many roadtrip vacations we took with our kids when they were young, I’d never want to have missed them. To Cape Cod, to Williamsburg, to Wash. D.C., to the horse farms in Kentucky, to the Jersey Shore, to Disney World, to the Maritimes here in Canada. None of those would have been the same without driving. My kids wouldn’t have been able to do the extracurriculars they loved if I couldn’t drive. Who would have taken them? And we live in a large city with very good public transit.</p>
<p>Four of my Ds are working and all require their cars. One is a teacher and relies on it to get her daughter to daycare, then herself to school and conferences which often take place right after school hours. The amount she transports to and from work everyday, in addition to the daycare drop off and pick up, would not allow for public transit, in addition to the additional time factor with public transit. One is a lawyer who often is required to drive outside the city to meet with clients or to attend hearings. The D who is a social worker has to travel all over the city to meet with caseworkers and clients. Often a car is required and makes good sense timewise. My D who lives in the UK travels fairly extensively several times a year to different theatres and to meet with directors, producers, theatre company directors, students, etc. Impossible to do it efficiently without driving.</p>
<p>Aside from work-related necessities, two of my Ds and their significant others flew to Detroit this week to attend the Winter Classic. Without renting a car to then drive to Ann Arbor, it would have meant more expense and far more time wasted, if there even was a way to do it without the ability to drive.</p>
<p>While it certainly isn’t impossible to live without driving, it would be very limiting for most people. I don’t think that’s too difficult to understand. Not to mention, I would never want to be in a position like the woman to whom Onward referred who was a young mom relying on everyone else to drive her around. If you’re a mom with young children in that situation, it’s a matter of safety to be able to drive if necessary.</p>
<p>Clearly, the OP’s D isn’t faced yet with any of these scenarios and she has time to learn.</p>
<p>My D, now 22, went through the permit and driving lesson process, but never felt remotely confident behind the wheel and never got to the point where she could pass a driving test. She’s a very anxious person (medicated for it, but that only helps somewhat), and was basically a nervous wreck behind the wheel. Because H has zero patience, I was the designated parent for practicing, and it was a pretty nerve wracking experience every time, not because she did so badly, but because she kept up a steady stream of panicky comments the entire time–“Did I do that right??? Why is that car so close??? I don’t know where to turn!! What do I do now???” I hung in there until the day she was practicing parking–plain old head-in parking–in an empty church lot and kept going past the end of the spot, past the end of the pavement, and into a small tree, as I yelled “Brake! Brake!” The car was damaged, and so was my psyche. I never had the guts to get in a car with her again. Now she goes to grad school in Manhattan–where a car is a terrible burden–and gets by splendidly with public transportation. I don’t think riding the subway at 2 am is a problem at all, but she always has the option of a cab or Uber if she feels uncomfortable. What will happen in the future is anyone’s guess, but I know it won’t involve me sitting with her until she has at least a few years of licensed driving under her belt. Those of you who regularly occupy the death seat next to beginning drivers have my undying admiration for your cojones!</p>
<p>Interestingly, a lot of D’s high school cohort are non-drivers, particularly those who she knew through her theater work. One of the moms insisted to me that kids involved in performing arts are “too busy” to learn to drive, but while I think that’s a bunch of hooey, I do wonder if there’s some kind of connection there.</p>
<p>alwaysamom, there would be no way to get from Detroit Metro Airport to Ann Arbor for the winter classic without renting a car. There’s no way to traverse the Detroit Metropolitan area without driving (you could use the airport taxi service, but that would cost more than a rental car…)</p>
<p>That’s just you, though. You are not everyone, and everyone doesn’t like what you like. I think a roadtrip vacation by car sounds horrible and I would never want to do it (motion sickness). You might as well say everyone should learn to scuba dive because otherwise they can’t go on scuba vacations. If someone want to take their kids on long road trips, and if their kids don’t get motion sick, then by all means they should learn to drive. Not everyone has that desire.</p>
<p>Some careers require driving, and some people like to drive. I don’t dispute that. But it is possible to live a happy and productive life without driving.</p>
<p>Dammit, EVERYONE DOESN’T HAVE TO DRIVE. I’ve been hearing all my life that I have to drive. “You have to drive to be able to get to work.” No I didn’t. “You have to drive to be able to take your cat to the vet.” No I didn’t. “You have to drive to be able to take your kid to daycare.” No I didn’t. “You have to be able to drive to go on vacation.” No, no, no, no, no. Stop saying this. It’s untrue, it’s oppressive, it’s offensive, and it leads people who shouldn’t to go out and drive and kill my friends. I do not have to drive, and the OP’s daughter can live a happy live without ever driving if that’s not something she wants to do.</p>
<p>Various people can’t imagine living without driving. Well, maybe I have more imagination than they do.</p>
<p>Well of course you don’t have to drive. But I don’t see that it’s preferable to not know how to drive or be crippled by a phobia about driving. I don’t like doing X and I could get by without doing much of it, but it limits my options to not have that skill set X. I would always rather have the option to do rather than not do. The OP’s daughter wants to learn and has anxiety. Why let the anxiety win without a fight?</p>
<p>After a roller coaster ride with older D–she passed after 3 road tests and a lot of angst and hysteria–I left the majority of the driving practice with my younger D to the professionals. I got her a package of about 10 private driving lessons before she even took driver’s ed. When she finally felt she was ready (half-way through driver’s ed) I began to take her out in the car and would have her drive on local streets in our suburban neighborhood. Very low key. Had her do what she felt comfortable with, just to get time behind the wheel. I didn’t make her do things “for the road test”, just had her drive around wherever she wanted. I would occasionally have my husband go out with her, but he would stress her out more than me and tends to be impatient.</p>
<p>After she completed drivers ed in May, we put off the road test until it was mid-summer. Too much was going on with graduation and college orientation in late spring/ early summer. I bought her another package of individual driving lessons that focused on the road test. They took her to the test in their driver’s ed car while I waited at home.</p>
<p>Miracle of miracles…she passed the road test first time out!</p>
<p>As for driving…she is not quite there yet. September after passing her road test she left for college at NYU. So not much practice time there. On vacations/ breaks I always have her drive a bit. Last summer she drove back and forth to her camp job with me in the passage seat. Towards the end of the summer she would take the car for short rides alone. So she is still not a mature driver…but she’s licensed and on her way!</p>
<p>PS–As much as I was low key with D’s timing to become a driver, my husband and I made it clear from the beginning that driving is an essential in life that she had to master.</p>
<p>She wants to be a teacher and at this point in life has no way of knowing where that will lead her. She knows that in order for me to teach, I spend several hours a week on the LIE in rush hour traffic. She also knows all the driving I’ve done for my D’s throughout the years.</p>
<p>Her sister lives in Manhattan now, but we make her drive whenever she is home, too…even if its just a trip to get milk and bread.</p>
<p>There is no way that you can be a fully independent person without a car in the suburbs where we live and both D’s recognize that. Yes, you can survive, but your choices will be severely limited.</p>
<p>Look, I get how some people cannot imagine life without driving. My daughter is one of them. She has had her own car, that she paid for herself, since before her 16th birthday. (In fact, she is on her second vehicle since her original one was totaled in an accident that was not her fault.) She has logged hundreds of miles driving to her dance studio and job outside of town. She prefers driving stick and can parallel park like a seasoned pro. She actually is interested in cars and how they work. And unlike the OP’s daughter, she has a natural confidence that not everyone has.</p>
<p>My son, on the other hand, really could not care less about having his own vehicle. He knows how to drive but he rarely needs to borrow my car. He likes walking and taking public transportation. And he would rather spend money on other things. At his college, there is a shuttle from the airport to his campus half an hour away, or he gets rides from friends and gives them money for gas.</p>
<p>ETA: Also, like Cardinal Fang, some of us do not find road trips especially appealing (and all that driving is certainly not a “vacation” for me!). I plan all my vacations around being able to walk places or take trains and taxis. I logged 1800 miles last spring picking up my son at school and I am already dreading having to do it again this year. I really did not enjoy it at all.</p>
<p>So then you’ll get another cab for the ride from the hotel to the big house, and then call another cab for a ride from the big house back to the hotel, then another cab from the hotel back to the airport? Seriously, cardinal fang you CALLED Metro Cab just to prove me wrong? This doesn’t sound like a fun vacation. Just because you have motion sickness, of COURSE you don’t like to drive. Your motion sickness still doesn’t make DETROIT any more commuter friendly, it simply doesn’t. I wish it was.</p>
<p>Y’know, not paying to own a car saves you thousands of dollars that you can use for taxi rides when you are out of town.</p>
<p>The vacation part of going to the Winter Classic is watching NHL hockey outdoors in the snow, not the taxi ride or bus ride or drive to the game. I don’t see why driving would be more vacation-like than having a nice professional driver take me right to the game so I don’t have to worry about parking.</p>
<p>cmgrayson, I’m not the one saying no one should drive. You are the one who is saying that everyone should drive. If you “get it,” then in the future, do not say that everyone should drive. Moreover, don’t make easily refutable statements that there is “no way” to do something that in fact is routine, and don’t insult people by saying that they would be “unemployable” without any evidence that that is the case.</p>
<p>I have not said that everyone should drive. Don’t drive if you don’t want to drive. I live in the Detroit area and yes am unemployable without a car to get to work or at the very least under employable, school children are unable to get to school using public transportation, my daughter is unable to participate in after school activities without her OWN car, our district does not provide bus transportation so we drive, carpool, they walk to school. Look that up, dude. No need to take that as an insult if it doesn’t apply to you. Also other people from the area (that live in the area or know the area) have also said that the Detroit area is not commuter friendly. Drive, don’t drive, I wish I didn’t have to drive (because I have to drive everywhere in Detroit.</p>
<p>I have also said that I have lived in areas that ARE commuter friendly and have great public transportation and yes, I’d prefer that but we won’t be moving. I meant what I said, Detroit clearly sucks ass as far as public transportation. Period.</p>
<p>I don’t need evidence, I can drive right up to 8 Mile Road and ask the people standing at the crappy bus stop in the dangerous neighborhood how they feel about public transportation in Detroit and whether they think they can get a job or get a BETTER job if they could get to the jobs…and if they think they can bike or walk 25 miles to work.</p>
<p>I never said I was or that everyone did. Good grief, CF, you’re getting a little carried away with your posts, in my opinion. You don’t drive. Good for you! I’m glad that it’s worked for you but it won’t work for everyone.</p>