<p>She does not see my grief except for the first day. Today she seems to be having a good day. Thx</p>
<p>Though there will always be exceptions, marrying the person you dated at 16 is not common or likely. If your daughter was with the same guy for 5 years, and sheās only 21ā¦thatās almost a quarter of her (young) life spent with the same guy. He probably is a great guy, and your daughter a wonderful young womanā¦but itās too soon to make a lifetime commitment without dating others, and thatās exactly what heās telling her. </p>
<p>The silver lining to this cloud is that their schools are 3 hours away from each other. Urge your daughter to get more involved socially at her own school and put the old boyfriend out of her head. Meet other students, join a club or two. Out of sight/out of mind. The healthiest thing for her right now is to broaden her (local) circle of friends. </p>
<p>This topic is somewhat timely for our family. My youngest S is a senior in HS. Heāll be going away to school in the fall. His girlfriend is younger, will still be in high school when S moves away. She is already saying she wants to marry him, and that no matter which school he chooses to attend, she will follow him there, to be sure they stay together. I keep my lip zipped. I like her, but I think choosing a college based on where your boyfriend is going is the worst reason upon which anyone can base the decision re: which college to attend. My S is very fond of her, but this is his very first girlfriend, and he says he plans to date other girls in college. Her parents like my S a lot, and they are urging their daughter to follow him to college if she truly ālovesā him. Sheās 16!</p>
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<p>Yikes! I hope your S has been honest with her about his intentions of dating others.</p>
<p>My advice is to be very careful of what you say to her. </p>
<p>Singing his praises or making remarks about how nice he was, or saying āif onlyā, is going to prolong the agony, or may push her into trying to reach out to him. </p>
<p>On the other hand, criticizing him in order to make your DD feel better is not a good idea eitherā¦what if they do get back in 3 years, she will never forget what you said, or may even decide to share with him during an argument!!!</p>
<p>Best not to probe, and if she wants to talk, then just listen quietly. Itās so easy for us moms to launch into a postmortem!!</p>
<p>Update first breakup
Saw DD last weekend. She is doing fine. No talk of her ex and after seeing her with her fiends at school I feel better. She has a coRe set of friends that are great kids and seem to have her back. I am still sad and to honest have talked to a therapist about it. She has helped a bit.
I do know that she and her ex are not speaking wish I think is a good thing. She needs to concentrate on her studies and I think communicating was making things worse for her. He was contacting her to make sure she was doing alright, but thtat just confused her and got her hopes up. Now no contact.
Thanks all</p>
<p>^Clean breaks are the best. When my daughter and her boyfriend broke up the first time he tried calling her constantly. She knew it was not a good situation for either of them and she blocked his number from her cell phone. He remained friends with my sons and everytime my daughter was home from school he made himself visable. When they finally got back together my daughter felt that she was ready to be in a relationship with him but it only lasted a few months. When they broke up it was clean and quick. He took no mercy on my daughter and he just cut all ties. It was for the best that it happened that way. My daughter still loves him but she has said that she knows they will never be together again. I hope your daughter and her ex stop communication so they could move on. Your daughter has had him in her life for so long that she does not know how to be without a boyfriend. This is her time to develop as a young āsingleā and find her way. There will lots of other young men and because she had a good guy that should indicate to her and to you that she will only get involved with nice guysā¦thats a blessing.</p>
<p>These things take time. Here we are a year past the breakup and my daughter says she is still in love with him. This kind of thing takes time and it is possible that down the road your daughter and ex might end up together but for now it is really good for your daughter to see what else is out there, and what she wants for herself. Every young lady should have single years and grow as a strong woman. When the time is right these are the girls who will bring something to the table in solid relationships. </p>
<p>Hugs to youā¦I know it hurts. I still miss my daughters old boyfriend. They were good times for my daughter, who did not fair well in that awful breakup the second time around.</p>
<p>All I can say is never say never. The list of folks reconnecting after many years is probably one of the fastest growing in the world of relationships. Blame the internet.</p>
<p>Barronsādidnāt I read a post a while back that thatās how you and your wife got together? Howās that working out?</p>
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<p>Just fine. 10 years now.</p>
<p>My oldest daughter broke up with her high school bf , who we loved when she was a freshman in college. He was with us a lot and even came with us on family trips and spent holidays with us We knew it was inevitable as their goals were so different but it was hard or usā¦my youngest daughter took it very hard. We actually didnāt tell her right away
The truth is, we havenāt liked any of her boyfriends since but we certainly hope she finds a good guy.
It has been 5 years since that breakup, they are now friendly , he has a new girlfriend that seems really well suited for him.
Your daughter will get thru this and so will you :)</p>
<p>Thanks all. Your stories are wonderful to read. I know that this was bound to happen but seeing my daughter suffer is difficult. I thank God she has her studies and friends to keep her busy. I think that may have been one prob in the relationship. She was a serious student with clear career goals and he was not. They were opposites in that way. Hmmm</p>
<p>It sure is difficult. When my D went through her first, what helped me in knowing how to respond was thinking back on my own first breakup ā what did my own mom do that was helpful or not so helpful? From that, I learned that thereās really nothing much a mom can do except be a sympathetic listener. Donāt try to make her feel better, or tell her why she shouldnāt feel the way she does. Donāt make suggestions about things she can do. Donāt get drawn into discussion of the specifics of the relationship or the breakup. Especially donāt even hint at your own feelings about the loss.</p>
<p>Give her what you, and you alone, can give her right now ā your Mom sympathy, Mom hugs, unconditional Mom love. Just keep that stuff flowing; itās a comfort to a child of any age. And keep kleenex at the ready.</p>
<p>One thing that has always helped my D on any kind of problem is to hear my own stories. So during her first breakup, I told her about mine. I think it makes her feel like the misery isnāt unique to her, and that it can be survived.</p>