Do you know if her diet, work outs, or both have changed? Did she only have good food choices available in your home over break, and not the temptations she now faces at school? Is your visit in 2 weeks long enough to observe her in her element and possibly help her to identify the problem? Again you probably don’t want to say anything to her unless she initiates it. And she’s probably not going to be getting high and pigging out on munchies while you’re there. </p>
<p>Also remember, swimsuit weather can be a great motivator, at least in the midwest where you cover up all winter and can hide a great deal. She may be motivated as spring/summer approaches, or by the thought of seeing HS friends, etc.</p>
<p>If you ever get a chance to talk, I’d recommend she restrict refined carbohydrates to start out. They make a huge difference, even you eat the same # of calories. I understand the law of thermodynamics (calories in, calories out), but eating excess carbs can throw your body out of whack (in the form of increased insulin levels) so you will have uncontrollable cravings and be more likely to eat even when you’re not hungry. Also, with a high-carb, low-fat diet, you can eat 1200-1500 and while you will lose at first, over time your body will adjust itself to run on that amount (homeostasis) so you won’t lose weight any further. However, with a low-carb, high-fat diet, you can eat ~2,000 (for an average person) and still lose. If you keep your carbohydrate intake to a minimum, you can reach ketosis where your body is forced to convert fat into energy.</p>
<p>In effect, the low-carb, high-fat diet is effective because it allows you to eat a reasonable amount of calories and still lose body fat. You will not be disrupting your insulin levels and your body won’t think you’re in starvation mode and lower your metabolic needs to compensate.</p>
<p>Dieting is in part about willpower but it’s definitely not the whole story – that willpower is largely dependent on foods you put into your body that might or might not trigger cravings. Dieting is also not as simple as calorie restriction-- you have to pay attention to carbs!</p>
<p>(Note: I am not a physician. I encourage you to do your own research).</p>
<p>I just found out my D has access to a nutritionist on campus and got a consult as it was free of charge. Check out student services. If the school has those services you can tell her that you remembered she was concerned about gaining weight in college and you noticed a nutritionist was available.</p>
<p>If a kid is overweight it is the parents fault up until a certain age, after that it is the childs fault. This is excluding some thyroid diseases and such, or any bogus eating disorders. Hopefully, in all these cases, they can lose some weight and get back to their normal weight.</p>
<p>I would say alcohol and pop r a big part of it. I have gone the complete opposite way in my time at college. I lost about 30 lbs in the first few months. I was already skinny though and did not need to lose weight. Now I am trying to put weight back on. The big thing is I don’t drink, I cut pop out of my diet, and first semester I was lucky uf I made two meals a day. </p>
<p>Anyway this forum is a nice distraction from physics lecture. Good luck with all your problems</p>
I don’t think microwaving in plastic on a regular basis is a good idea, though I admit I do it occasionally. </p>
<p>I gain 20 pounds in college and lost it by biking to a summer job, and did pretty much the same in grad school. It was easy to lose weight at that age by upping exercise and being a little more careful about what I was eating.</p>
<p>I like the idea of broaching whether she wants any advice if you think you can do it. Since she’s mentioned the problem to you I think she would be open to it. You could mention also the possibility that PCOS or thyroid issues sometimes can be the cause of unexplained weight loss if she doesn’t think her diet has changed a lot. I think midnight snacks, drinking soda or fruit juice with every meal, weekend drinking and too little exercise are far more likely causes though.</p>
<p>My D’s college also offers free access to nutritionists…and D has also utilized school’s personal trainers, to get the most efficient/effective use of her exercise.</p>
<p>Gotta add that boys are probably in worst physical condition and body mass than the girls. The girls have peer pressures and the guys don’t care.</p>
<p>DD gained weight in college and especially during study abroad, when she did not like the food and snacked more than she wanted to admit. She also discovered alcohol in college, and while she was not irresponsible, there are a lot of calories in alcohol.</p>
<p>Senior year of college she decided enough is enough. She looked great at graduation, the majority of her friends did not. </p>
<p>She does the paleo diet now and looks great, altho I don’t think she needs to lose any more weight.</p>
<p>I’m facing this dilemma with my high school daughter. So far, have only talked about making healthy choices and exercising for health. I’m a thin person, and I can still hear my Mom saying to me “if you could only lose 5 pounds…” I don’t want that voice in my daughter’s head.</p>
<p>newtothis, you’re right; that voice often reverberates in a girl’s head for decades. I think this situation ultimately belongs to the individual. We usually can’t influence someone else’s weight, but we can injure our relationships. Overweight girls (and normal-weight girls who perceive themselves as overweight) already feel judged by everybody, including themselves. I think uninvited parental involvement is much more likely to be painful than helpful (with a few exceptions, as some posters are describing here). Better to keep food temptations out of the house, cook healthy meals (if you do the cooking), love your daughter as she is, and say nothing. I know we all worry about whatever might affect our kids’ social comfort and happiness, but they need the dignity of owning this issue themselves.</p>
<p>Well to be blunt you can sit there and tell her she is beautiful and what not, but no one is forcing her to put on the weight she did and no one is stopping her from trying to work it off. She may not be perceived differently by friends and family but the world seems like a bitter place and people may see her in a bad light. </p>
<p>It is up to the person themselves to lose weight. If some one is tall you can describe them as tal. If someone is fat you describe them as fat. I don’t think we should try to sugar coat it.</p>
<p>(this is of course in exception to people with real medical problems and stuff)</p>
<p>When I tell D she’s beautiful, she says I have to say that because I’m her mom. So that only goes so far. (And no, we don’t obsess over looks in our house.) D has a friend that is magazine cover gorgeous and is always degrading herself or asking for reassurance. It’s tough for these girls with the physical ideals our culture seems to put on a pedestal and some put more pressure on themselves. This pressure can be the result of a real issue, as in weight gain, a lack of self-confidence in comparison to peers, or an over-the-top need for affirmation or anywhere along the spectrum. </p>
<p>What answer are we really looking for when we ask, “Does this make me look fat?”
Maybe some students (or moms) can weigh in on that. Do we truly want to know how we look or rather if we can be loved and accepted the way we are? Or a little of both? </p>
<p>I don’t think MLDWoody was suggesting to walk up to people, even loved ones, uninvited and comment on their attributes. The OP’s D asked for advice/help over break. At that point mom offers what she can, starting with the truth (yes you have gained weight). And the fact that her D is now an adult doesn’t mean she has to or should be left to do this on her own. I’m the parent of college-age kids and I still ask my mom for advice at times.</p>
<p>Not sure what answer we are looking for. The truth is I think we know that answer to “Do I look fat?” D did talk to me over break but she hasn’t mentioned it since so I think I should not say anything. When I see her if I really think its necessary I will say something. But I guess she is a young adult now and has to figure these things out for herself. Everyone knows the only way to lose weight is if you yourself really wants to. Its just so hard as a mom to let these things play out. The truth is her eating is not under my control now and she has to make the right decisions for herself.</p>
<p>A worse problem would probably be a kid that was stressed and not eating and loosing too much weight. As long as your D is not at a unhealthy high weight, she’ll probably be ok.</p>
<p>I’m a male, 6’1, nearly 6’2, weigh 132 and am basically anorexic. School has mentally screwed me in so many ways it’s not even funny.</p>
<p>I feel compelled to live on small portions of oatmeal, soup and salad while going to class and spending a minimum of 2 hours in the gym everyday.</p>
<p>I’m not a parent, but as a young woman who struggled a bit with college/post-college weight gain I thought I’d chime in. I was always pretty small, until my senior year of college when my clothes started getting snug and it turned out not to be the dryer’s fault (LOL). I’m about 2 1/2 years out of school now and initially resisted the idea of Weight Watchers for the same reasons some people have noted, particularly because I viewed it as something for older women and I didn’t want to have to be obsessive/neurotic about monitoring what I ate. But after I started going to the gym 3 to 4 days a week without seeing any results whatsoever, I realized I needed to change my diet and I found that WW has been a great way to do that. </p>
<p>To the OP, if your daughter is anything like me and appreciates things being made as simple and convenient as possible, WW might work for her. I’ve been using the online, no-meetings version, which helps to combat the sense of it being for older people. It’s feels like more of a private adjustment that I’m making, rather than “old woman on a diet!!” if that makes sense. I find that being given a set of guidelines to stay within and even literal boxes to check off (for things like protein servings, veggies, etc.) is a good fit for my personality, and I’ve lost 6 pounds since I began last month. It really does give you a clear indication of what constitutes a healthy and balanced diet, and that can be crucial for a young person on their own trying to develop better habits. So, just a suggestion as something that might work.</p>
<p>As for whether it’s something the OP should bring up to her daughter, I’d say probably not. She knows she’s gained weight, and if she’s anything like me she already feels pretty uncomfortable and crappy about it without any extra commentary. I’d say that if she brings it up, certainly suggest some of the options that have been presented in this thread. But unless it’s a really huge amount she’s gained, an amount that might be cause for legitimate concern about depression or underlying medical issues, it would be wisest to let her figure it out for herself.</p>
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