<p>My 18 year old daughter started her freshman year at a Mass. college but soon after starting some trauma issues from the past resurfaced harder than before and the week after she started, she had arranged for a counselor at school to meet with her weekly. About a month into school, he referred her to a psychiatrist for a psych eval. She had the psych eval and are awaiting the results. Meantime she is flunking out of 1st semester. Just can’t seem to do school and life together. Dealing with depression and emotional pain. She really needs therapy to get her on the other side of this (maybe meds too). Is it possible for her to get a leave of absence maybe until next fall because of her mental health status? Maybe if her psychiatrist writes a note?? Does anyone know if there are federal or state guidelines for this or is it an individual school thing? Her & I are meeting with her advisor tomorrow. Finals are this week. Someone told her that if she doesn’t take finals it goes as an incomplete and won’t go against her record for applying at another college later. I don’t know. We need help. Thank you.</p>
<p>we banter about on cc endlessly about this school is better than that school or sports is more important than chemistry. But your daughters situation (and lots of other kids like her) is way more important. A lot of college kids need mental health help and there are few resources available to them. </p>
<p>The past mayor of Palo Alto, CA (Stanford) is heavily involved with this subject matter. He had a tragedy with his son at college. Here’s an npr article that may give you some insights: [A</a> Push For Colleges To Prioritize Mental Health : NPR](<a href=“http://www.npr.org/templates/transcript/transcript.php?storyId=114055588]A”>A Push For Colleges To Prioritize Mental Health : NPR)</p>
<p>Best of luck to your daughter, I hope she feels better soon.</p>
<p>I know several kids who have taken mental health leaves from their colleges. The school should be willing to work with you on this.</p>
<p>At my son’s school, the student has to request the incomplete status from the professor and is typically given some amount of time to make up the work. The deadline for incomplete work to be made up is on the school calendar. If she can reasonably make up the work (final, papers, homeworks, labs, etc.) by their incomplete date, then this might be worth a shot.</p>
<p>The important thing is to take care of her health and I’m sure that you are working on that. Trying to salvage a semester is about her future and that’s important too.</p>
<p>Another approach could be to negotiate a grade for work already done. If she displayed effort and ability for most of the semester and can’t finish the semester, then the professor might be willing to give her a grade, in essence, for work done so far. This might be an approach where the length of her recovery cannot be reasonably determined and where an incomplete won’t work.</p>
<p>The best would probably be if the advisor could go to bat for her with all of her professors so that she wouldn’t have to do this in a difficult time.</p>
<p>Physician here- definitely get her physician (psych) involved in “note writing”. Since she was referred via her school counselor the psychiatrist probably knows which hoops need to be jumped through to optimize her present/future college plans. It sounds like a medical illness, such as depression, may be diagnosed and treatment started. She will presumably be under a doctor’s care for an illness and I would hope her university has a good mechanism for students who get sick during the semester- check what their illnes policy is. So sorry she is having problems, be reassured that modern medications, if needed, are so much better and helpful than in the past. Good luck to her. </p>
<p>PS- depression et al are just as real as other nonbrain illnesses, treat her as such. It is not her fault, nor any weakness any more than any other health problem. You and she will notice a vast difference once she has any treatment she needs.</p>
<p>It may depend on the school but however I am currently going through this at a community college.
Because of depression/statis, I stopped going to class and contacted a counselor at the school.
I am writing up a summary of what happened ( recurring depression along with increased stresses in the family) and am submitting it to the school ( per their requirement), along with my drs letter requesting that I be able to be given a medical leave.
I assume that will be granted, and as well as getting a medical leave I am told that I should receive a refund as well.
( as this is a community college & I am not in housing , it is only for tuition)</p>
<p>Tell her not to worry about finals- just meet with the advisor and they can work it out.</p>
<p>God…just, I’m so sorry. It is so painful to be in that position with your child. I hope you are getting help and support for yourself as well.</p>
<p>The main thing is to get her safe as soon as possible and get her somewhere where she can get some real, long term help. In the long term, that is all that will matter. (Get the Psych involved for the medical leave. I’m sure there is a standard procedure)</p>
<p>Also, keep in mind that even if it takes a while, once kids start college, the straight path through is gone for many of them for many different reasons, and it is okay for her to take her time and to heal and to find the best way to become an adult…there are many different paths and very few of them are really straight after this point.</p>
<p>Good luck to you and your family. It is good she has you to help her, but also remember to take care of yourself.</p>
<p>My son had mental hrealth issues during his freshman year and had to leave just days before his finals. The school was very “generous” by allowing him to leave in good standing and saying he could return. (note: the school will/should write an official letter stating this.) </p>
<p>His individual teachers all had a different procedure. One economics teacher, where my son was getting an A+, ended up giving my son a “0” for his final; his final grade was C+ (most schools allow C+ courses to be transferred). Another teacher, English, was particularly kind. She gave him the option to come in for the final or write a paper. He chose doing a paper, and was given 6 weeks to complete it. Forget the others.</p>
<p>This is a difficult time, no doubt, and change will not come quickly, but it does get better.</p>
<p>This past spring, my daughter had a new roommate assigned to her because her other roommate moved out into a community dorm. The new roommate (whom she knew through friends) was returning from at least her third medical leave due to psychiatric issues. She’s like 23 years old or something, and I’m not sure if she has graduated or still has time to go. </p>
<p>Frankly, I find it refreshing that a young person with such obvious challenges has continued to pursue her dreams and the school has been so accommodating to help her achieve this.</p>
<p>I know at my Ds school they absolutely offer medical (including psychological) leaves of absence for up to an entire year, and that can be extended if needed.</p>
<p>Like others, I too hope that your D finds some relief soon. And you know what? I give her 2 thumbs up for asking for and getting the help. That takes a lot of courage.</p>
<p>With notes from her psychiatrist and counselor, she probably can get a withdrawal from the college, and may even be able to get incompletes. </p>
<p>I suggest that you help her approach the dean of students about this. Since your D sounds like she is struggling with some major mental health issues right now, she may have difficulty approaching the dean by herself. It would be worth it for you to go to the school and go with her to the dean of students. </p>
<p>It’s not that unusual for students to take withdrawals/incompletes due to mental health issues. Even back when I was in college, I knew students who did that and later returned to graduate.</p>
<p>Wishing the best to you and your daughter.</p>
<p>No matter what, stress to your daughter that her mental health is the most important thing and that everything else can be taken care of somehow. Basically, he shouldn’t be feeling that she must do this or that or else her future will be over. I’ve struggled with depression, and when I was in the 8th grade (I’m 20 now) before I was diagnosed with anything at all, I barely scraped a C- in a math class I was (intellectually if not emtionally) perfectly capable of completing. Until the very day I got my report card and saw C- (as opposed to D), I was feeling like that grade was just another reason to be fearful and sad. Anyway, I know college is a bigger deal than 8th grade math, but that’s just what I thought of upon reading this.</p>
<p>I still have to manage my mental wellness issues, and even now, when I am feeling low there is this feeling in me that anything I do wrong will destroy my entire future. That’s really not the case. I’ve done about everything wrong a kid could do hen it comes to self-defeating behaviour, and my future is still decidedly non-destroyed because I have learned that it is not terrible at all to take a different path than I thought I would to get where I want to go.</p>
<p>I mean… I’m a twenty-year-old with a sixteen-month-old. Around the time she was concieved, I was feeling that my life would be OVER and I would be a FAILURE and things would be POINTLESS if I didn’t… I don’t even know. But my daughter has taught me that that’s not so. Things go exactly the way you hoped they wouldn’t, and you may be happy with whatever that unimagined, unwanted future shows itself to be. </p>
<p>Anyway, I’m sorry your daughter is in pain.</p>
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<p>In a situation like this, incompletes are not the way to go. Rather, the student (or parents) should request a Medical Leave of Absence. (Most schools have a mechanism for this.) The student will be withdrawn from all classes and will be allowed to return when cleared by an appropriate physician. </p>
<p>The place to start is with the Dean of Students office. </p>
<p>These situations are hard to deal with but are not at all uncommon. I hope your D starts to feel better very soon.</p>
<p>Although my son’s reason to request incompletes was due to a physical accident rather than a psychological issue, he found himself facing this within a week of finals.</p>
<p>Re the incompletes, we were advised to contact each professor to report the situation and request some accomodation. However, we were also advised to contact the Dean of Students (as someone mentioned above). This person was absolutely wonderful and coordinated overall to insure S was given some accomodations and also monitored that proper grade posting (the “I”) and the agreed upon timing to complete was followed by professors across many departments. S submitted “proof” of the injury (we faxed them a copy of the hospital admission for surgery) to the Dean for inclusion into his record, but honestly, once she felt it was a legitimate story, I got the impression that sending documentation wasn’t even required.</p>
<p>S was given nearly 60 days to submit papers, retake finals, etc so that his semester’s worth of credits wasn’t lost. That may not be possible for your daughter, but if there’s a chance she would be able to salvage any credit, it might make her feel better. Or not. Only you and she can gauge whether she could complete any of the work.</p>
<p>I think you’ll find the university very willing to provide some sort of solution that will fit for your daughter. The main thing is that she focus on her needs. That said, it feels better to know that she will not suffer academic penalty later. Thus getting in contact with the Dean of Students quickly really can make a difference. It gave us lots of peace of mind, particularly since S was a senior and wanted to graduate on time (he did).</p>
<p>Best of luck to you and please keep us posted about how your D is doing.</p>
<p>Thank you to all who have advised, shared and encouraged me. I have passed on this support to my daughter. We met with her advisor. We met with financial aid and then met with the registrar and filled out a form for a medical leave of absence. Even though she is completing this semester, she will be withdrawing from next semester. The college was very supportive. When she returns, she will come back with her scholarship in place for one whole semester as a grace period. All she needs is a doctor’s note from her psychiatrist & the withdrawal form filled out. They were so nice. Her admissions counselor even prayed with us (it is a Christian college). Well she is in the starting gate. Now to give her a structured environment in which she can get healthy. That’s the next challenge. Thank you all again!</p>
<p>Wishing you and your D the very best.</p>
<p>You may also want to post on Parents’ Forum because some parents have gone through similar issues with their children, and may have good information that could help you support her with her recovery.</p>
<p>Remind yourself that a new calendar year is coming up soon. It’s a fresh start all around. I am so glad that things are moving into place so well. </p>
<p>Here’s to better days ahead.</p>
<p>^^well put!</p>
<p>tell her life is long and that you never know what the morning tide will bring!</p>