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is that your opinion? :D</p>
<p>Actually, CTTC, I think CCers are a caring community who continue to reach out to other parents who post threads about personal concerns or dilemmas. This mom has posted many threads of concern asking for help over the years. She asked. People try to help. And yes, people repeat the advice as sometimes it seems needed as mom isn’t making much headway yet and needs the message and is after all, seeking advice and support. New vignettes arise and input is given and the messages are not all that new, that’s true, but when many who respond are on the “same page” perhaps it will give some validity to the OP and maybe she might try something new. However, I truly hope she is seeing a counselor to help with her concerns in dealing with her daughter, and if the H can attend, all the better, but if not, then on her own.</p>
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<p>Should be the mantra of all parents. </p>
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<p>My thoughts exactly.</p>
<p>Jym626, my apologies for the “he”. I think you have been very generous in your advice and in patience…for a professional in the field I can see how this thread must be challenging. </p>
<p>M-3 I hope your presentations go well, and the client meetings are productive. Please consider taking jym626 up on the offer re: therapist billing. You need to do this for yourself and your daughter.</p>
<p>No worries, Mom2M. I’ve probably been called worse :)</p>
<p>Anti-therapeutic therapy, this individual therapy. What if M-3 declares unilaterally that she’s now substituting family counseling for D’s individual therapy. Get the recommendation for a new provider from current therapist, who knows your D. </p>
<p>Then M-3 will always know the schedule directly and be in charge of the ride, too. When D goes along in the car, great; when not, at least the H and M-3 are getting helped that week. </p>
<p>If a fight begins at the curb/living room over who is or isn’t getting into the car, at least M-3 will hold all the cards in her own hand at the curb, and can drive away to get help, leaving an angry D on the curb ranting. Or if D happens to forget/no-show/isn’t home to leave, go without her anyway; don’t bat an eye. YOU need some help. It;s enough already.</p>
<p>Then, at least, the parents’ money gone into therapy will help someone/s and not be wasted. Heck, if the son is home, he can jump in the car, too. I bet he has a few things to unload… </p>
<p>My 2 cents.</p>
<p>", there are limits as to how much any client will be permitted to run ripshod over a doctors or therapists schedule before the doctor elects to refer the patient out elsewhere.’ - </p>
<p>The sad truth is that the very difficult situations that need the help the most are least convenient/palatable to the professionals. Heck, if the patient was accepting of help, easily able to track appts, communicating well with parent, etc… then they probably wouldn’t be needing help/appts. There’s no good answers here, but I do feel for M3.</p>
<p>The OP just posted on another thread that her daughter’s GPA is so good that she would be competitive for medical or law school if she did well on the appropriate exams. Very confusing! Why so involved in all the daughter’s business if she is doing this well?</p>
<p>My observation has been that the daughter gets decent grades (mom has said she has a higher GPA than her sons who attend an Ivy), but mom is dissatisfied with D academically because she is “not learning much” and doesn’t “crack open a book” and so on. She is a very different kind of student than her sons. She appears to do what she needs to do to get by and goes to an easier college that is not that demanding and with her intelligence is able to get a decent GPA. I don’t know how D will meet the mom’s academic standards as they are hard to define and most parents would go by the GPA, credits earned, etc. and likely not even be aware of their kids’ study habits when away at school. The D appears to be on her way to earning a degree which is her goal. She is a very different kind of kid than her older brothers, particularly as a learner and student. The parents are used to a certain kind of student and need to adjust the standard a bit for the kind of student this D is. There are many parents who would be OK if their kid was earning the credits and the degree as long as they were not failing or getting very poor grades. The fact that this child is not the studious type may be hard to accept but really needs to be accepted and it really is the least of her problems. Academically, she could be flunking courses, as many kids do. Her performance may be disappointing or frustrating to the parents, but it doesn’t seem that bad to me in the scheme of things.</p>
<p>x-posted with suzie.</p>
<p>I didn’t read the mass of weekend posts, just opened up here, but sevmom, I think your question goes to the heart of what Suzie has been saying, which is “pay the tuition.” Separate out all of the issues.</p>
<p>I have no opinion on “this” at this point, because the “school” thing seems to be the place M-3 “feels” she has the most leverage. But, then again, define “Doing this well.”</p>
<p>This is why many of us believe that if the daughter would simply move out of the house most of the presenting issues would go away with some time, distance, perspective and maturity. Some of us would continue to pay tuition, others seem to think they would not.</p>
<p>There ya have it.</p>
<p>^^^Good summation! :D</p>
<p>Actually to pick up on posts by ADad…the parents may want to positively reinforce some things the D is doing well…she is earning credits, gets OK grades, and is earning her degree. She also holds a job. Part of the issue may be the standards they are used to and expect. She is doing better than some young adults in those two areas, even if not up to par with high achiever types. </p>
<p>I also think if she lived away from the parents, she’d be forced to grow up and take on more responsibility. Not to mention, less opportunities for parent/child conflicts on a daily basis.</p>
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It is for these reasons that I have not posted on this thread after the very early going. I check on the thread every so often to see if anything is actually changing in momma-three’s house - in terms of what the <em>parents</em> are doing (not what the D is doing; she won’t change until the parents change, imo).</p></li>
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<p>I’m happy to say that I saw a little change in momma-three’s post #931. Hope to see more.</p>
<p>As someone once said, insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Until the parents stop doing the same thing over and over again, there will not be different results.</p>
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So… ummm… where exactly did you see any evidence of change, jmmom?? :)</p>
<p>Wellll…
Seemed like a little forward movement to me :).</p>
<p>I was teasing you about the fact that there was NO POST NUMBER in your reference to the post that reportedly showed some movement 
LOL!</p>
<p>Hey I edited it!</p>
<p>This thread doesn’t exist for my entertainment. But at some point, there just isn’t anything left to say. M3 is experiencing Groundhog Day and we are all witnesses. It’s difficult to watch.</p>
<p>No fun, jmmom. It was very funny the way it was, and your original, pristeen, untouched original post is saved in my quotebox in post #954 for posterity (and I didn’t forget to put in the post # 
)</p>
<p>^^I love the movie groundhog day. Bill Murray’s character eventually does change. There are some funky calculations as to how many days or even years that he spent living the same day over and over (if you google around you will see what I mean.)</p>