<p>My daughter is a 16 year old sophomore at a private school. She has never been asked to the homecoming dance (or any other school dance for that matter) and it makes me very sad to see her left out of the picture parties, dinners, after-dance sleepovers, etc. She is cute with a great body (I know I am her mom but it is true), a varsity athelete, 4.2 GPA, involved in church, a student ambassador, school retreat leader, etc. She is viewed as a leader and great role model in her school. She actually had guys ask her (both this year and last) if she thought other girls would go with them to homecoming! She tries to hide her disappointment and acts very brave but I know she has asked some of her friends why no one thinks she is nice or pretty enough to go to homecoming. HC is a huge deal at her school. She went last year with a few other girls who also did not have dates but didnāt have a good time - barely danced and the lack of a corsage on her wrist labeled her as a loser (her words). She is using an athletic event this year as an excuse not to go. I also am tired of hearing comments from other moms like - āI canāt believe no one has asked her - she is so nice and cuteā. I am beginning to be concerned that she will never date in high school and what effect on her social life this will have when she gets to college. To my knowledge no boy has ever shown interest in her, she has never been asked out on a date,
or kissed anyone. Any advice would be appreciated - it breaks my heart to see her so lonely.</p>
<p>A lot of girls havenāt been asked out by sophomore year, so I hardly think this is the kiss of death for your Dās college social life. The first thing I thought reading your post was maybe guys think sheās too good for them and theyāre afraid of being rejected. I know itās hard for a high school girl to do this (Iād get an eye roll from my D if I suggested it), but next time one of those guys ask your D if she thinks another girl would go with him, she should ask him if he knows anyone would be interested in going with her. Let the guy friends know sheās interested and put them in matchmaker mode. A suggestion Iām sure sheās even less inclined to take is to ask a guy herself. I went to an all girls school and we had to do this - itās really hard the first time, but after that itās kind of nice because you get to ask who YOU want to go with rather than waiting for someone to ask you. Itās hard for high school boys, too. Theyād probably appreciate being asked. My D is an underclassman also, and she hasnāt been asked to any school dance, but she enjoys going with her friends. Sheās really not very interested in boys yet, but when she gets to this point, this is the advice Iāll give her.</p>
<p>DD usually goes with a group of girls. They go to someoneās house for dinner and all get ready together. Then we parents show up for pictures. After the dance they come back to our home for a party and sleepover. (This year there were boys involved in the afterparty - they went home by 2 a.m.) DD would have loved to have a date this year, but it just didnāt happen. She had a wonderful time anyway. Her best year yet.</p>
<p>Tell her to do the asking. My son has been asked to go to prom, homecoming, etc., and he was very pleased to be asked! Some boys just need a little prompting. He was ājust friendsā with these girls, and they went with a group of kids. He had a great time, and I think his dates did, too. btw-- the dates bought the tickets, but he paid for meals, etc.</p>
<p>My son was invited to senior prom by a girl from another school. They had known each other through mutual friends for a couple of months before that. The prom date was the first I heard of the relationship. 18 months later, theyāre still together. </p>
<p>My daughter is a h.s. senior and has never been asked out on a date. She attended h.c. last year with a group of girls and seemed to have a pretty good time. She definitely worries that guys will never get interested in her. I donāt - I know sheās a catch but this just is not the right place for her. </p>
<p>I just donāt believe that my kids are totally off the curve - I think there are lots of teens who start relationship/dating life in college, or at the very end of high school. I know that was true for me as well - never had a date in high school, had plenty of interesting dates/relationships starting in college. </p>
<p>It sounds like itās hard on you to waitā¦is it hard on your daughter? Is she lonely or does she have girlfriends? I wouldnāt guess that high-schoolers not dating are necessarily ālonelyā.</p>
<p>I know itās hard to have patience, but really, the less you make this an issue, the better.</p>
<p>I canāt believe the myth that not getting asked to Homecoming actually has any bearing on your life after Homecoming is even being discussed.</p>
<p>my dd is the same way. pretty and all but really shy. i know boys have shown interest in her, but she hasnāt been interested. she has never been asked to a dance either. i think she would like to be asked. of course, she is interested in this ONE boy, but, of course, he is interested in someone else!</p>
<p>most kids who donāt have dates just go as a group and have a ton of fun!</p>
<p>it will all work out in the end.</p>
<p>Iāve never gone to a high school dance. Considering the dancing is just sex with clothes on and most kids are just waiting to drink at the after party I would say you should be glad your daughter isnāt going. But I do think its nice to see that you care that your daughter might feel lonely. I agree with people that she could try asking someone. Take some slack off the boys (its not easy on us you know).</p>
<p>Yeah, if your daughter is that academic/involved with stuff, Iād be nervous to ask her.</p>
<p>To be frank, Iād be furious, if I were your daughter, that something like this - which Iām sure is embarrassing for her, is being discussed with so many other people.
She sounds intelligent, Iām sure she can come up with a solution to her dilemma without the entire free world knowing nobody asked her to the dance.</p>
<p>^ Yeah, I was just about to post something just like thatā¦</p>
<p>uh no offence but i donāt see how this is that much of a big issue. there are bigger things than a homecoming dance. i had to give mine up this yr for Pennās financial aid stuff. yea kinda disappointed but so what? itās just a dance. i can have fun with my friends whenever i want. itās not like not goin to a dance is the end of the world.
if sheās intelligent, then i donāt think she should worry about it. iām sure the time will come.</p>
<p>why would u be nervous to ask someone if that someone is so academically involved? stereotype again?</p>
<p>Mothers probably get a different perspective than other students, and most of the postings here are anonymous, so I donāt see why some of you are bashing Mom.
It isnāt just mothers with daughters that get worked up when these things happen either.</p>
<p>The other day, I was in the grocery store when I ran into my daughterās prom dateās mother. I only met her at the pre-prom party, where the photo sessions occured. At the time, I felt a little funny with all of the attention and compliments about my daughter by his familyā¦parents, aunts,uncles and grandparents. To me, she was going with a guy friend who she liked , but had no real romantic feelings for.
Her sister and I kind of laughed about it on our way from one house to the next, knowing how she was just casual about it, which is typical for her. She also made it politely clear to her date, who is a very nice young man.</p>
<p>Anyway, his mother told me she didnāt understand why they didnāt really date or be boyfriend and girlfriendā¦ I just told her the truth ā¦that she didnāt want anything that serious right before going off to college.</p>
<p>She had a boyfriend, on and off all the way from 8th grade until jr yr of high school, and to be honest I was happy that she decided to keep everything light and hope she does for awhile !</p>
<p>Speaking for āsome of usā¦ā
Stating an opinion hardly constitutes as ābashing.ā
And considering sheās said
Iām assuming sheās spoken with other parents offline and unless they wore a face mask, I doubt it was anonymous.</p>
<p>Lots of gorgeous, wonderful girls never had a date in High School. Lots of boys in High School are to SHY to ask. </p>
<p>Sheāll do fine when she gets to college! Thatās when a lot of the boys finally get up the nerve to ask.</p>
<p>Hang in there! Not to sound conceited, but I was considered cute and rarely dated in high school, but in college I was asked out constantly. It is the maturity level of the boys that is the difference!</p>
<p>Also, what is the big rush??? High School boyfriends are just a big distraction!!!</p>
<p>If she wants a date, she should ask someone out. If sheās interested in someone whoās single, take the chance! If not, just ask a male friend. The second one, Iāve noted, is sometimes even more fun because youāre comfortable with your date and the entire thing isnāt that big a deal.</p>
<p>PlattsburghLoser, I am sorry that you were embarrassed by your mother. :)</p>
<p>People come here to rant and ask advise and sometimes it strikes a chord with other posters ( apparently you, for one )</p>
<p>Maybe " bash" was too harsh a term for you. Would criticize be okay for you ?
Parents are protective of their children and have a hard time when circumstances hurt them.</p>
<p>Internet forums, such as this are for the most part, anonymous.Try not to take it so personally, unless of course the OP is YOUR mother</p>
<p>
Where did you pull that from? How is stating āif I were her daughter, Iād be furiousā result in my apparent embarrassment by my mother?</p>
<p>Secondly, no chord was struck on my behalf. I donāt know how youāre jumping to these conclusions. Really, stop flattering yourself. </p>
<p>Thirdly, how am I taking this personally? Because I stated if I were in her daughterās position, Iād be upset at her blatant disregard for any form of privacy?</p>
<p>I do find it humorous how well you seem to know me from my two previous posts. I embarrassed, Iām critical, a chord has been struck and Iāve taken her post personally. </p>
<p>I donāt know which school taught you reading comprehension but you really should consider suing should they graduate you as youāve managed to successfully misconstrue everything Iāve written and eagerly run with it. While humorous, itās also kind of sad.</p>
<p>If you, or the OP, are not open to being ācriticizedā or ābashedā do try not to post on a public forum where opinions are like special orifices.</p>
<p>Nothing is ever truly anonymous, Iād hope that would be commonly understood. However, what youāve failed to acknowledge is that my comment, which Iāve already clarified, was in regard to hers about speaking with other mothers - which I assume, since they know of her appearance and personality, is done offline.
Iām sure theyāre very anonymous about the whole procedure, though.</p>
<p>Iām a high school sophomore, and though my schoolās too big for me to be the only resident intellectual (I really canāt think of a less conceited way to say that, but OP, you must know what I meanābright, hardworking, slightly introverted. Like a Rory Gilmore), I still have a reputation not unlike your daughterās. I honestly think guys are intimidated of her. Itās not that guys dislike your DD but that they donāt connect with her on that base, high school boy level. Homecoming is supposed to be fun, and they see your DDās brains before her party-spirit.</p>
<p>But the real problem is whether or not it bothers her. Personally, my mother would probably make me go with some friends, whether I wanted to or not. Sheās a big believer in high school experiences. And Iād probably be glad, a few days later, that she made me go. But thereās nothing wrong with her. Sheās just taking a little longer to blossom socially, and sheāll probably never be the hard partying social butterfly. Iāve never been on a real date (I mean, not just to the movies or a coffee shop with an awkward half-crush) or been kissed either, and it bothers me sometimes, but thatās life. Itāll happen eventually, probably when she is in college and has to create her own memories. Until then, urge her to go to Homecoming with friends, and get dad to buy her a corsage.</p>