<p>Hello - please help. I am totally stressed - my daughter has chosen a New England school for fall freshman year - it is an excellent choice and we are happy for her but we live in California. I know texting and emails and skype help, but what if I need to be there asap or they want to come home asap…it gets very cold in Maine, doesn’t it? …some friends are supportive but some are saying “how could you let her?” - …I am a bit fragile right now. I know it will be okay…any advice how to cope? Thanks in advance -</p>
<p>You won’t need to be there asap. If she gets sick she’ll go to the clinic, urgent crae, or emergency where you really can’t help her anyway.</p>
<p>She probably won’t want to come home asap but if she does, she’ll learn that she doesn’t really need to come home and will learn to get over the homesickness. </p>
<p>If there’s a real emergency, you’ll either fly there or her home.</p>
<p>Don’t focus on how you ‘won’t’ see her, focus on when you ‘will’ see her. Depending on your resources and what you and your D want, you’ll go from her heading there to Thanksgiving to Christmas to Spring break to summer. Even for some students musch closer to home, they may not come home much more frequently than that. </p>
<p>By the second year you’ll have it all figured out and be as adjusted as you can be.</p>
<p>1) The "ASAP thing won’t happen;
2) You’d book a flight. </p>
<p>My daughter is attending school in NY and her bf goes to school in Boston. We are in the SF Bay area. Last year, right after my d. returned to school after winter break, a very close friend from high school was killed in an accident – both my d. and her bf wanted to come back for the memorial service the following weekend. Not only that, my d. wanted to fly out of Boston with the bf. (silly, but I can see why they wanted to be together in that time of shared grief). I was able to book a flight for them both, last minute, very cheap (checked the “last minute deals” online) – my d. took a bus to Boston Thursday evening, flew in on Friday and out again on Sunday, bus back to NY and back in class on Monday. </p>
<p>Of course, with my d., being on the opposite coast is “near”. She spent a semester living near Moscow at age 16, and now she is working in Geneva with plans to move on to New Delhi in a month – the biggest problem when she is overseas is the time difference – I was going to call her via Skype today but didn’t remember until 4pm our time, which of course was too late. </p>
<p>Anyway, the point is: count your blessings. Any place that doesn’t require a visa and passport as a prerequisite for travel is easy. Your daughter will do fine and the time will rush by.</p>
<p>Dear girlsx3incollege,</p>
<p>I’m from India and I go to school in Ohio. That’s halfway across the world! My nearest close family member is in Seattle, and that’s my mother’s sister. I’ve been fine, and you learn to take care of yourself very quickly! I just finished my first year of college, and I’m so incredibly happy. At home, it never, ever, ever gets below 75 F, and Ohio gets very cold - I’d never even owned a sweater before college, but I’ve coped, and even learnt to enjoy the snow. Your daughter will be fine, and so will you! Good luck!</p>
<p>I just brought my D home from her first year of college … 11-12 hours away, depending on the traffic. It wasn’t bad at all! It’s easy to keep in touch these days, and time does fly.</p>
<p>Being homeless is totally normal but I think Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks are going to be a great time for the family. More importantly, your daughter is going to be (semi-)independent from you and learning a lot about herself! She is going to have so many exciting stories for you when she gets home. Congratulations to her!</p>
<p>Also, I go to school from the west coast to the east coast. I’m afraid of New England winters but I’ll survive. Your daughter will have a fantastic time!</p>
<p>girlsx3–this is not directed at you as much as at your friends who question how you could let your D go so far away from school. </p>
<p>It’s not about us. It’s not- “how could you let her?” It’s “why would I stop her?” I will miss my D as she goes across the country for school. But I am even more grateful that I have a D who has the confidence, maturity and independence to spread her wings. This is a good thing in my book and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have spent 18 years fostering a zest for life and experiences. What an odd time this would be for me to yank her back because it is a hard transition for me.</p>
<p>So how will I cope? I will not burden her with my needs. I will find other distractions. I will make reservations for parents weekend and to bring her home for Thanksgiving. I will figure out who lives the closest to her so that there is some emergency back-up in the unlikely chance we will need one.</p>
<p>One more thing. If you are this stressed you might want to ask yourself what the root cause is. Is it just the fact that she’s going away? Do you think that she is particularly ill-equipped to handle some aspect of college life and fear her being so far? Are you imagining the worst and therefore making yourself sick over unlikely scenarios? Whatever the answer, by asking the question you can hone in more effectively on what is at the root of your feelings and be proactive to help calm them.</p>
<p>Remember that you’re senidng her to an institution, surrounded by people who’ll be her friends and resident adivosrs, deans, and staff to help her solve problems as they arise.</p>
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<p>This is such a great way to look at it. We will have all 3 in next semester :eek: and the closest will be 1500 miles from home. What helped me when the first one went off, was to really familiarize myself with the school and the area. If you can become comfortable with your child’s new home away from home, you can relax and focus on all the exciting experiences and opportunities that await her. Logistical problems can all be solved. Concentrate on the positives, there are many. </p>
<p>Our youngest is on the shy side and a kid no one would have ever thought would venture far, but after seeing the positive experiences of his brothers, he is ready to spread his wings and expand his horizons. We are thrilled for him.</p>
<p>Good luck and enjoy her adventure.</p>
<p>Email and cell phones will keep you in touch and it will be really fun for both your daughter and the rest of the family to discover Maine–the coast is beautiful, and there is more to Maine than that. If the school is a great choice for her, the distance becomes a relatively minor issue–keep in mind that many students only come home a few times a year at most anyway if they are involved in academics and activities and social life. </p>
<p>My younger child went to college about 600 miles from home, which is not the same a all the way across the country of course but still seemed like quite an issue initially. Although I still wish she had been closer to home the school choice was a very good one for her and we enjoyed her visits home and our visits to her. (She recently graduated.) I hope in a few months you will be saying the same thing about your daughter and that you will all be considering New England a great addition to your family’s world. Good luck to all of you.</p>
<p>For those families that wish to keep in touch, laptops with video cameras can help. I know a family where the kids have their own laptops so that the kids can videocon. The parents can as well - they just have to mutually agree on a time. Something else that can ease worries is a relative, friend or coworker (if you work in a distributed group) in the area.</p>
<p>Nimby, that is a great, succinct way to put it. These are our ‘babies’, but they are adults. They are ready to go (mostly).</p>
<p>I am also in New Hampshire, and I have a friend whose daughters are going to school in CA and FL. My stepkids are in Canada and Tampa. My daughter will be in PA. And yes, if they NEED to get home, or we need to get to them, we’ll make it happen.</p>
<p>My son is also going from Cali to an east coast school. He has informed me that he will not be answering his cellphone if he sees my number on Friday and Saturday nites, or whenever it’s inconvienent to him. Since he doesn’t answer right now I guess I can live with that. Also he says he wont be home for any breaks, he has his life to live. Well we will see about that! lol</p>
<p>We use texting all the time. It’s a great way to keep in touch without being overly parental! H & I send a quick text if we think of something to tell D. She does the same. Even her brother texts her … they communicate more when she’s gone! We also send pictures via phone. If we are someplace & want her to know, we’ll send a picture. We can even send short video clips … I sent her a clip the first time it snowed this year. She showed it in her class that afternoon!</p>
<p>I know how you feel. Both of my older boys chose schools 7 hours away by car. Flying was not bad, but that meant you had to really plan the flights to get decent prices. I was not very lucky in booking flights at the last minute. So to visit, meant flight, rental car, hotel. One of them was injured and hospitalized this fall, and, yes, it was a pain going out there and bringing him home. THere are definite drawbacks to having them such a distance.</p>
<p>My current S is going even farther, and there are no direct flights to his city. It is going to be a worry, yes. But that was where he wanted to go, and it was an excellent match for him. If it turns out to be too much of a problem, we’ll deal with it. I am hoping that he is mature enough and lucky enough that it works out.</p>
<p>COngrats on your D’s college. Hopefully all works out. It is an extra worry when there is that distance.</p>
<p>She’ll be fine. I’m from New England (Connecticut) and my daughter chose a university in Kansas. I was worried about everything from the distance (1,500 miles) to tornados. Turned out to be a great choice – she loves it there. Don’t worry, it will work out.</p>
<p>girlsx3:</p>
<p>Now that you’ve received all of this logical feedback you know what you’ll really need to contend with is the emotional side of missing you D. That’s what it really comes down to but even if she were only going 2 hours away (as with one of mine), you’d still miss her the same. There are some other threads here that discuss that aspect but no matter what, you’ll still miss her. It’s just part of what we have to contend with and part of their growing up. Cell phones, IM, email, etc. have helped somewhat with this as long as they’re used (with us) by our kids.</p>
<p>girlsx3, I went ahead and booked my D’s Thanksgiving and Christmas flights. She’s our oldest and will also be on the opposite coast from me. Whenever I think about next year, I just look at the flight confirmation emails. She’ll be home, keeping us up too late again, before we know it.</p>
<p>Maine may be cold in the winter, but we do not have tornadoes, hurricanes (well, not to speak of), or earthquakes of any significance. The murder rate is usually the lowest in the country, or close to it. (And almost all of them are domestic violence-related, and since your D is unlikely to be in that situation…) We almost never lock our house. My neighbors go away on vacation without doing so. </p>
<p>She’s safer here than she would be in most of California, on the earthquake thing alone. :)</p>
<p>I know you will miss her. But don’t worry about whether she’s safe.</p>
<p>you’re doing a wonderful thing for your daughter. I’m a student, and since I don’t tell my own mom this enough, this is to all of the parents that are having their kids leave for college: thank you for letting me leave and being there for when I come back.</p>