<p>Well, then, YOUR parents were wrong, if it was something that was important to you. Unless it was a situation like a physical disability that made it difficult to attend, they should have been able to buck up and sit through a few hours of a ceremony because it was important to you. I bet it hurt when they whined about it.</p>
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<p>I disagree. Indeed, Thanksgiving’s just one day – you can have a big turkey and stuffing dinner any time you like, and if you miss this one, there’s always next year. A graduation isn’t like that.</p>
Don’t know what school graduation this references, but the graduations I attended were weekend long events. Sadly, I missed older s’s college graduation because younger s’s HS graduation was the same morning, so we did a divide and conquer. But it was a weekend of parties, celebrations, dinners out with friend and their families, departmental and college-wide graduation ceremonies, with the pomp and circumstance, etc… I was sorry to miss it, but loved the weekend with younger s and his graduation. </p>
<p>I was fortunate to attend younger s’s college graduation. The big party thrown by the school Friday night before Saturday’s graduation was the only event that seemed to have a limited number of tickets. However, there must have been some limit, since apparently this past graduation the parents had a bit of an uprising and demanded that they allow more tickets to be available, since the primary speaker of honor was a hot ticket, as it were. From what I understand each family got 11 tickets. But I digress…</p>
<p>We had 5 family members besides the graduate when we attended. We all came in from out of town. The morning half of the graduation was spectacular-- music, inspiring speeches, the celebratory spirit in the very large facility was palpable. Then there was a departmental lunch. Also fun. The afternoon diploma walk was like watching paint dry. And it was FREEZING in there. The family dinner that night was truly special. Then there were parties thrown by DS’s friends. We helped to provide some of the food for one of the parties, and loved meeting and spending time getting to know his friends a little better, their families, etc. I brought gifts for DS’s roommates and close circle of friends. Apparently they still talk about and use the gifts (he mentioned it last week).</p>
<p>OK-- to some this is a waste of time and resources. Thats your perogative. But I also agree yet again with PG. If a parent blew off, minimized or otherwise devalued a graduation ceremony that the student felt was really special or important, then I feel really badly for the message that may have sent to the graduate.</p>
<p>Turn it the other way. Student says: “Mom, Dad, I’m so excited for you to attend graduation. I’ve gotten you 2 tickets, and the event is at such-and-such time, and then I thought maybe we’d all have dinner afterwards.”</p>
<p>Mom / Dad: “No, I don’t want to go. I don’t feel a real connection to what you did there at College X, and anyway, it’s such a pain to sit through four hours of boring speeches. I’m going to sit this one out. It’s not a function of distance, or travel, or money, or a physical inability to get to the stadium – I just don’t wanna.”</p>
<p>How does that sound? If a student came on here and said that - wouldn’t we sympathize with her?</p>
<p>BTW nova, I do not assume at all that all parents will feel as I do. Quite to the contrary. Sorry if you misread. I am speaking to what the OP here said about her feelings in THIS situation. As I said way upthread, if either party has a strong feeling one way or the other, they can compare/discuss/address/work though their feelings and come to a reasonable decision, as the OP said she did. She initially described her dau as being insensitive to her feelings, and I for one am glad she spoke up, even if she possibly had a knee jerk reaction at first, to help her daughter see another perspective and for them to come to a solution that will work for both of them… now and in the future.</p>
<p>FWIW (and thats probably not much) I have 2 photos on our guestroom dresser from younger s’s graduation. One was the “formal” portrait taken earlier in the semester. Hes in a cap and gown, and has a rather staged looking smile. Its ok… But I LOVE the one that was taken by their photographer right after he got his diploma. His hair is toussled and sweaty and in disarray under that mortarboard, but the beam on his face is genuine and priceless.</p>
<p>We probably would, just as many people here have sympathized with the OP.</p>
<p>But the student in your scenario wouldn’t have been able to attempt financial blackmail to force the parents to attend, which is what the OP initially did with her daughter. Kids are rarely in a position to say “my house my rules” to their parents.</p>
<p>I felt absolutely no connection to my high school and I asked my mom if I could just skip graduation day. She forced me to go. I’m currently a sophomore at U Minn and to this day that day remains the greatest day of my life. If she doesn’t want to go, I guarantee she’ll regret it.</p>
<p>And here, you’re completely ignoring that parents are older, theoretically more mature, and are expected in many areas of our culture…and many others to be more understanding to a point of a child’s/younger person’s actions/attitudes because the parents ARE older, have more life experience, better equipped to deal with emotional/other relational baggage, and hopefully…enough resiliency to tolerate more from a child/younger person than they would for someone in the same age/peer group or older. </p>
<p>Parents are also in a greater power position relative to their children so to even place the two as equals without accounting for that is just another instance of obliviousness. </p>
<p>It’s something I have seen practiced in many families…including my own and I likewise practice it with my younger relatives and friends. There are many things in which I’d be more tolerant/understanding of from younger relatives and friends than I would be from someone similarly aged or moreso…someone older than myself.</p>