<p>This relationship was always fraught with tension, given the strong political differences between the adults. I think it was wrong of the friend to call the OP a commie for supporting Obama and it was wrong of the OP to invite the friend to an election party given the strong indications that Obama was going to win (pace NSM, most commentators thought so, and the friend must have thought so as well and spent election day in a blue funk rather than in a party mood). Even if the two adults eventually reconcile, they will have to tiptoe around each other. But the friend is willing to maintain the relationship with the daughter, and that is the important thing. Meanwhile, both adults need to back off.</p>
<p>Give it time and thought. All of the advice above is excellent, but it all needs time. My husband’s relatives, (mine too by marriage) are wonderful to us and our children. But we do not even talk about politics or religion. They are fanatic about it and the only concension they make about it is that they pretend we agree because we don’t say anything but non committal “uh huhn” in response. Discussion is not possible. They would throw their own kids into a flaming pit without hesitation if they were dissenters, and they love their children very, very much. It just is a non topic. We do keep the relationship at more of an arm’s length than it would have been because of that, and initially I really did not think I wanted a thing to do with them, but family relationships are difficult to totally untangle. This has worked well for over 30 years. The election results are NOT something we even discuss. That our son worked on the Obama campaign and was at the DNC is not something we discuss. And I ignore a lot of their statements. I don’t even think about it anymore. </p>
<p>I have another friend who has a life that is fraught with things that are just not my style and that I would not tolerate in my home. But we have a corner of our lives that we enjoy together. I know many families who have such relationships with their children. In a way it is sad, but sadder still are the families who have hit brick walls in the relationship and have nothing to do with each other. I know some of those as well. We had dinner with an older couple who are estranged from their children and it is heartbreaking. They just can’t settle on a piece of their lives to live together and let the rest go. Hopefully they can come to that before it is too late. </p>
<p>In your case, this is a friend, so there can be a lot more latitude. Give it time and then decide how you want to procede with him. If it is too much of a pain in the neck for you to have always be watching your step and your mouth, maybe limited time together is the key. It seems, however, that you had had an equilibrium with him for some time, and may go back there after this imbalance straightens itself out ofver time.</p>
<p>I think this is one of those situations where you have to decide if you want to save the relationship or not. If you do, you have to apologize, even though, in my opinion, you are not in the wrong. The guy is a sore loser. Unless he actually is John McCain, his reaction is unreasonable. If you want to make up with him, you will have to say that it was insensitive for you to invite him over on election night (although I don’t think it was), and that you shouldn’t have asked him the electoral question (although he’s acting like a baby about that too). Obviously, if you do patch up the relationship, never, ever mention politics to him again.</p>
<p>If OP and this person have been friends for over 20 years that means that the friend “won” in 2000 and 2004. Turnabout is fair play.</p>
<p>That being said, if the friendship is important and worth saving, I agree with the posters that recommend never talking politics again. I have family in Orange County (CA) and politics are rarely discussed.</p>
<p>I cannot believe that people here are taking the position that hurting the daughter is somehow justified because this guy is really, really passionate about politics.</p>
<p>This man wants the OP to A) tiptoe around him, B) read his mind, C) be understading when he takes his anger out over an adult situation on a young woman who looks to him as a father. </p>
<p>Your daughter is learning what is acceptable in a man from this man. Mature adults do not act like this man has acted. If this is the first time he’s done something remotely like this, then perhaps there is more going on. But I suspect he’s pulled stuff like this before. </p>
<p>It’s not okay. It’s really not. Politics is one thing. Hurting a human being is another. An adult who cannot tell the difference has larger problems than one election.</p>
<p>I don’t know who is advocating hurting the OP’s D. The relationship between the D and the friend is of long-standing, separate from that between the OP and the friend, and important to the D. It’s not about the D learning how to put up with “men.” It’s about the D learning tolerance and how to deal with an individual who has been like family to her.
We are all guessing at the friend’s feelings, aren’t we? Why shouldn’t the OP, who has known the OP for longer, not done so as well? And many of us feel she should not have invited the friend to an election party. Yes, the friend is behaving badly. But it’s easier to be magnanimous when your side’s winning. The man is not just being resentful at Obama’s victory. Rightly or wrongly, he is worried as well. Give him time. If his anger and worries do not abate, then will be time to cut off all ties.</p>
<p>I am glad we in our family did not become so involved in election. Wife unit and son (who owes me hundreds of thousand dollars) were for Obama. They both absolutely despised Tina Fey look alike. But we all realized that our votes will make no difference. Wife unit even voted with me (she didn’t like the fact that Obama is a smoker).</p>
<p>“He called me a communist in front of her”</p>
<p>This happened before the alleged insults on election night. My friends do not call me nasty names, especially in front of my family. The D should do whatever she thinks is best, but if I were the OP, I wouldn’t be interested in maintaining my “friendship” with someone who thought it was OK to talk to me that way.</p>
<p>I agree with Hanna.</p>
<p>The football ticket incident doesn’t exactly set this guy up for any sympathy. Sounds like he told you that you were 7th or 8th in line of people he would call. That is pretty rude in my book, to tell someone that you were their “last resort”. And he was ticked off when you didn’t drop everything to go with him. Gotta wonder why the game was so important, too - - maybe he paid a lot for the tickets and didn’t want them to go to waste? Notice that it is the GAME that was important, not your company (or you wouldn’t have been 7th in line to go with him).</p>
<p>I do think the handwriting was on the wall for an Obama win, so you probably should try once more to apologize for inviting him to the party. Maybe just drop him a note. Then let it be. He may come around, or maybe not. I wouldn’t grovel. You are getting a glimpse at this guy’s true character, I guess.</p>
<p>"“He called me a communist in front of her”</p>
<p>No worse than many Obama supporters have called others racists.</p>
<p>It sounds like this guy is going through some kind of male menopause. If small things get him cranked up, you need to take a step back in the relationship and let HIM sort out what it means. I would not apologize, but I would leave things on a friendly basis, as though you were not offended by his bizarre actions. Then I would subtract myself from his life, encourage my daughter to do the same, and let him figure out the value of what he’s lost.</p>