<p>And you had better tell the mother, because the college age son can get in a heck of a lot of trouble for providing alcohol to minors, even if he is not 21 himself. It’s not a minor thing. “You know, look, I’m not trying to interfere here, but I would want to know, and hope you would tell me if the case were reversed, but I heard a rumor the other day that ______ had a party and there were high school students there drinking. I could be wrong? But, I did hear it and I just thought I ought to let you know.” (Let your daughter know that you did this but called it rumor.)</p>
<p>Definitely talking to my daughter and have been for some time about the perils of alcohol and sex. That’s why she’s concerned about her friend. I do volunteer work with teenage mothers so she knows how a life can be forever changed by a moment of passion. </p>
<p>Fortunately, my daughter’s friend does trust her and has confided in her in the past. My daughter has in turn told me and I’ve helped her to help her friend. Since they’ve been in high school, their paths have diverged. My d has pursued academics and music. The friend hasn’t worked in school and isn’t involved in and extracurriculars. The family has spent $$$ on theatre camps and dance lessons but the daughter won’t try out for musicals or plays. </p>
<p>They don’t spend much time together now since their interests are different. The only time they see each other is in the car and in homeroom.</p>
<p>Thanks for the help - I think I have a better grasp on how to approach the mom.</p>
<p>Good luck. Let us know how it goes.</p>
<p>I called the mom. She took it pretty well. I first asked her about the boyfriend and what the deal was with the military school. Turns out he’s an adopted foster child - mother a crack addict - who drove his bio father’s car and did some damage. Also was disrespectful to teachers at the school so they thought the military school would shape him up. </p>
<p>I shared the rumors I had heard and the information about the make out session in front of the school. Then the talk turned to drugs and alchohol and the latest school casualities. I brought up the exchange student first and how she had behaved at the brother’s party and went from there. </p>
<p>The mom seemed glad to have this information. Now what she’ll do with it remains to be seen. I did ask her not to implicate my daughter.</p>
<p>I, for one, am happy. Did she sound at all surprised?</p>
<p>This morning I called a mom who I don’t know real well, but whose ds is having a party tonight, to make sure she would be home and not providing alcohol. These are eighth-graders. As a mom, you do what you gotta do.</p>
<p>Yes, she did sound surprised, especially about the party her son held. She couldn’t believe he would allow the girls to drink. She was a bit disgusted about the making out at school story. </p>
<p>I’ve made the phone calls to party hosts as well. My daughter didn’t like it but deep down, I think she appreciated that I cared enough to call.</p>
<p>That’s great. I’ve made calls before and my kids have never stopped confiding in me, either. I’ve heard things about my kids, too, and I was grateful for the information. It really does take a village. Kids want thier parents to step in and stop the madness when they don’t know how to do it themselves. I’m glad the mom took it so well. She’s lucky to have such a good friend, as is her daughter.</p>
<p>suzukimomto2, I give you kudos for having the guts to call the mom and tell her what you knew. I’m glad she took it well, but even if she hadn’t, you tried to give her info to help her parent her kids. You shared what you knew with the best of intentions, and hopefully the mom is better equipped to help both of her kids navigate adolescence. </p>
<p>It truly does take a village to raise a child. If my kid is involved in something dangerous or destructive and a friend knows and doesn’t tell me, then they’re not a true friend and they don’t care about my kid. I actually had a situation where there were rumors about my hs freshman, at least 3 of my friends had heard these rumors and discussed them, but only one worked up the nerve to tell me what she had heard. The rumors were exaggerated, but they did alert me to a problem with my teen that I had no idea was going on, and broaching the subject with my child (followed by a little digging of my own) allowed me to take the necessary steps to help my child deal with some issues constructively. It was rough for a while, but today my child and I are closer because I was able to help her at a time when she didn’t have the nerve to tell me something was wrong, thanks to my friend who alerted me to the problem. I have lost all respect for the other 2 “friends,” who had known my daughter for years and didn’t care enough about her to let me know that she was keeping something important from me.</p>
<p>So, good for you!</p>