<p>Now see, I wouldn’t even give the friendly nod. But that’s me.</p>
<p>@Boomer22 took the words right out of my mouth! I would stay far away… with a friendly wave… only if you have to! If you invite any type of conversation, she will think that all is forgiven and you will be back at square one again. I would also worry about what she has taught her daughter about relationships. They should stay away from your dtr as well. I am a nervous nelly when it comes to these kinds of things and would worry that some sort of violence would erupt on her dtrs part if she didn’t get her way/if she felt slighted in any way. Stay away. </p>
<p>I am old fashioned and I never discuss politics or religion with anyone who I don’t share DNA with! 
Might sound crazy but it keeps things nice and easy. As far as FB, I don’t have a FB page. I feel they bring way too much trouble and drama. It gives adults liberties to act in ways that they otherwise wouldn’t/folks become way too familiar.</p>
<p>She’s got a screw loose. She’d be dead to me.</p>
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<p>That about sums it up! Lol. In my family, you can’t even talk about politics if you share DNA! My friends are usually the ones that it’s safe to talk with but my family is rough! We range from a self professed tea party member to a full blown democrat.</p>
<p>As far as your neighbor goes, as you said, you were never true friends. You haven’t lost anything here except a crazy, negative nut. Good riddance. As for your daughter, I don’t think you need to worry about violence since there is no evidence or history of that. I do think you should stay out of your daughters relationship with her friend as much as possible and try not to let your situation affect that relationship. I’m sure you’ve been doing that anyway. It sounds as if the relationship was waning anyway. That may be the issue at the root of your neighbor’s breakdown. She’s saying it’s about politics because it’s hard to say "I hate you because I’m jealous of you and your daughter and I’m heart broken that my daughter seems out of the social loop, etc. " </p>
<p>By the way, is her daughter the oldest, youngest…only?</p>
<p>I have a co-worker who takes turns being mad at somebody. Several years ago it was my turn. She was suddenly screaming at me in our office, loud enough that our supervisor came out of her office to see what was going on.</p>
<p>After a day to cool off, I decided I wasn’t going to work in an environment where I had to avoid a co-worker. Even though she was the one who blew up at me, unprovoked, and should have apologized first, I asked her how her son’s soccer game had gone. I knew the one soft spot she had was her son, who is a year younger than my son, so being mothers to similarly-aged sons was something we both had in common. </p>
<p>It broke the ice, and made working there tolerable. This co-worker is still in my office and she eventually did apologize to me. Right now she “needs” me so has been very nice to me for the past several years. She mentions at work her “horrible next-door neighbor” and evidently they scream at each other all the time. Doesn’t surprise me in the least, since that’s how she gets along (doesn’t get along?) with everyone. I feel sorry for her neighbor!</p>
<p>I did this because of MY need to have a less crazy work environment. Sounds like maybe your H is like this, maybe you are not. As silly and junior-high like as this sounds, it was very difficult for me to make the first gesture, but I knew I had to do it because I really like my job and didn’t want it to be a miserable place every day.</p>
<p>college_query, maybe your office-mate is collegeshopping’s neighbor.</p>
<p>I’m usually sad for the Nut Job’s kids. We had a similar ‘friendship’ in our family and NJ’s kid was apologetic, having dealt with the craziness forever. </p>
<p>Since the blow-up, does her daughter still come over for snacks and homework after school? I agree with the other comments that keeping your distance is probably the best plan of action. Seems to me this election was particularly polarizing.</p>
<p>When she needs you again, she’ll be back. You should plan your reaction ahead of time.
They always come back!</p>
<p>I would stay away, as well, because you never know what the next thing will be or how it could escalate. Some of you may remember the significant, police-involving problems we had a few years ago with the mother of a neighbor/friend of my daughter who was then 13. It continued through high school and involved violence, stalking and vandalism. It started in a very similar way to your situation. Now, I’m not saying that all small disputes end up that way, but as was stated above, this woman has shown you who she is. Do you really need her in your life so you can wonder what the next thing is and then kick yourself for not cutting her off when the next thing does happen?</p>
<p>Tell your husband to mind his own business. It’s obviously you that the whackjob has an issue with and (like my husband) he will not understand until and unless something serious happens. Men deal differently with each other and they have different crazy than women do. This kind of woman crazy is often out of their realm of experience.</p>
<p>Over the years, I’ve become increasingly aware that lots of people cannot stand to see others for whom they think life is happier, more rewarding, or “easier”. It literally infuriates them, and they often think, sometimes not all that deep-down, either, that somebody ought to do something about it to make things “right”.</p>
<p>Add to that all-too-common worldview the overlay of mental illness and you have a situation that can harm you or your family or property. I’d be vigilant, and no “friendlier” than common courtesy demands. Identifying the people to keep at arms-length makes life a lot simpler. She’s done it for you.</p>
<p>The woman who made our life hell was envious that our daughter had some accolades that her daughter didn’t. We never knew that it had been festering and growing in her for a couple of years and that she had become obsessed. Absolutely had no idea. She was a pretty casual neighbor, the girls were friends. Just not someone important in our lives, although we would have done the appropriate neighborly things at the appropriate times. The sad thing is that her daughter was a fine, lovely, smart girl that any parent would be proud to have for a daughter, but the mom was blind to her attributes in her obsession with my D. I guess what I’m saying is that if you’re seeing an unprovoked outburst in public, God only knows what’s there that you’re not seeing.</p>
<p>I agree with an earlier post that suggested there may be some hormonal/emotional issues going on, but whatever thecause, you arent obligated to bear the brunt of it.
Id feel differently if there was an established friendship, but proximity doesnt make a friendship necessarily.</p>
<p>But boy, after reading recent threads on CC re: neighbors, I am so grateful that even though we have lived in the same house for almost thirty years, and have seen some changes in the neighborhood, for the most part we have had terrific neighbors.</p>
<p>I have a couple of concerns based on reading your original post several times. This is your next-door neighbor, so someone hard to avoid. From your description, she would appear to be mentally ill. You describe the daughter as outside the social circle. Is it possible that the daughter is being verbally abused or physically abused by her mother? Your description of the mother’s behavior is deeply worrying.</p>
<p>You are under no legal obligation to report your neighbor as potentially abusive, but if there’s a school counselor, she might be able to help.</p>
<p>My goodness, yes, thankful for good neighbors! I never got to know many of my neighbors in the Bay Area, and the ones I did know pretty much stuck to themselves, which I guess was a blessing, after having read some of the neighbor stories on CC. The neighbors a block away in our old neighborhood were busted for stealing things from our other neighbors and sent to jail, but I never knew them personally, thank goodness. We just moved into a new neighborhood in Minnesota, and the neighbors seem to be just fine. Friendly, but not too friendly. And, we did move into a neighborhood that shares out political views, which I can now see is probably a good thing, LOL. I surely hope that your neighbor has calmed down by now. The more I think about it, the weirder it seems that someone you are not close to would go off in public out of the blue like that. As Zoosermom pointed out, something must have been stewing for awhile, unbeknownst to you. My guess is that the situation with the daughters (her daughter feeling left out) became magnified, and that the mother cannot separate herself from her daughter’s emotions. That’s just me, trying to understand where she is coming from, but is not a recommendation to try to salvage the relationship.</p>
<p>I’m more in line with college queary and believe you should find a way to at least be able to say hello and exchange superficial comments.</p>
<p>This appears to be a woman in great need to be in control. She however cannot control who wants to be friends with her daughter and her daughters happiness. The applecart has been upset with the classic preteen girls triangle. Her daughter is probably miserable and crying at home knowing that her friend is moving on. Her mom can’t do anything about her daughters saddness. It is probably consuming the mom and therefore she lost it and railed you. WHo knows what else is going on her in her life.</p>
<p>It’s just bad energy and takes too much effort to ignore someone who you will see for the next 10 years or so. It’s not worth your mental health and your daughters and your husbands. It really does eat at you without your really knowing it. What position will this put your daughter in? Will she now feel obligated to ignore the neighbor girl in order to “be on your side” What will be the repercussions for both girls at school?</p>
<p>Better to be cordial than to have this blow up into mortal enemies. Better to have her “not hating” you than blaming you for everything. Forgive but don’t forget.</p>
<p>Good Luck</p>
<p>I am going to try to answer some of the questions that have been asked and I am sure I will forget others, but here we go.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Is the neighbor mentally ill? I have no idea. I am certainly the last person ever claim I know how to determine that. I would say she has a screw loose. On more than a handful of times she has exited her home via her back door to yell at a golfer that has entered her yard. So with that said, we live on a golf course and the rules are clear. You have your home and you have have 20 feet from your back wall to do what you want (with in HOA guidelines), so for us, we have a rod-iron fence up. From the fence to the golf course boundry (maybe 30-40 feet) that is an out of bounds area but a magnet for golf balls. We are very friendly with everyone that plays here. Our dogs are mini rock stars and get more treats than they should by golf passer-bys (they asked permission when we moved in and the treats have flowed ever since…if the ball actually lands in the yard, our dog will pick it up and bring it to the gate) Now if one of these golfer even tries to get near Diane’s yard she flips out. She yells that they are tresspassers and to get out of her yard. She had her door broken once and apparently that is what started it all…the golfers laugh at her but they stay away. I have had people hit a ball from right outside our fence and turn and say…sure am glad it landed where it did. I know just what they mean. When we moved here we knew it was a “hazard” we knew the rules and really enjoy the people we have met. It is completely positive for us…that probably ****es her off.</p></li>
<li><p>Is she going through the change? Distinct possibility.</p></li>
<li><p>Is she verbally abusive to her daughter? Maybe. I walk past her house to go to the bus stop each day and although I would not say it is common, it doesn’t surprise when I hear her yelling at her child. They have big conflicts, more like power struggles over silly things. The biggest one is brushing teeth. When the child spends the night her, she brushes them on first request. She knows I’ll send her home if she doesn’t. The mom just wants to give the kid everything…she is electronically loaded, iphone, ipad, laptop, facebook account, the list is long…she is 10. My kids know I think it is crazy. Especially the FB…it’s about maturity and there is NONE there…parent or child.</p></li>
<li><p>Daughter and neighbor child relationship. Here is the deal. At first I didn’t like the kid. She is very manipulative. But she knows I have her ticket. When we first moved here I would hear her telling my daughter to ask me for stuff that my child would not normally ask for (permission to watch weird movies, things outside our family norm, etc) I finally one day stepped around the corner and told her she had a voice and if she wanted something from me, she needed to ask me. My child was not her messenger and I will accommodate requests that are reasonable. Ever since then I have just generaly felt sorry for her. She tries too hard and the other kids can see it. She tries to create friendship based on material things. It’s a bad path. My biggest issue her as they get older and social circles start to re-position and shift, I simply do not see them in the same circle. You can already see labels starting to form and they are in fourth grade…yikes.</p></li>
<li><p>Is her mother’s behavior reportable? I have no idea. She is very skinny, her mother hates to her to eat anything other than lean protiens and veggies. She hates when I give them things like pudding, or homemade cookies, etc. I do very little store bought goodies, I love to bake and my kids are all at healthy weights, etc. I have no idea how much this kid weighs but I would be surprised if it was over 55 pounds. Her and my daugher are about the same height, my daughter wears “regular” size clothing, and because of her tumbling, is a complete hard body. Neighor kid does not take tumbling. Her wrists won’t even support her in a cartwheel. She has frailness to her. And dark circles under eyes. As I type this…it makes me wonder what happens over there. </p></li>
<li><p>Jealosy. Maybe. I work from home, we have a handful of family owned companies. I pretty much do what I want. I have everything I need, most of what I want and my kids do well in school. Maybe she sees that as an “easy” life. I have a great appreciation for my life. I am grateful for it everyday. I make I drill into my kids that they are only entitled to things they work for, and that everything else is a gift. I am happy with myself and don’t need to dress like a barbie to feel good about myself. I would rather have mud on pants playing outside than be walking the mall looking for the latest fashion.</p></li>
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<p>Anyway. You guys have been awesome. I appreciate the feedback. For now it is really avoidance. I have chosen to focus on the positives in my life and this will run its course.</p>
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<p>This.</p>
<p>If eventually you feel like progressing to a distant smile and nod, fine, but don’t push yourself. What you will want to do in the long run may depend on how physically close your houses are and how much you actually have to see her.</p>
<p>I’m sorry for her D.</p>
<p>There sure are a lot of crazy neighbors out there…</p>
<p>Years ago, when my two older girls were small, I had a neighbor that I was friendly because of proximity more than having much in common.</p>
<p>Long story short , we both belonged to a gym and used each other to babysit for our kids when we worked out. I got sort of recruited to begin teaching classes and invited to a seminar to become certified. I had become very friendly with one of the instructors . Neighbor invited herself to come along , which was ok.
When it came time to begin teaching, I got hired and got some good time slots and she got hired , but wasn’t as well received. That’s when the issues began. She stopped talking to me and also my husband ( who helped her out with a lot of things around her home and yard since her husband wasn’t the kind of guy to do mundane tasks ) I tried to mend the fences by taking her a plate of Christmas cookies…this gave her a great opportunity to tear into me , which I didn’t think I deserved , but let her at it if it might mean the tension of being next door neighbors. It didn’t help.</p>
<p>Fast forward about 6 months and I was teaching a class that the group liked well enough to clap at the end, while neighbor was outside the door to teach her class. She was angry and walked in and grabbed my music out of the tape deck and threw it on the floor, right in front of the people filing in and out. It was unpleasant to say the least and I did make a crack at her ( which I shouldn’t have done )
I didn’t know it at the time since I went to a friend’s home afterwards with my two children , but she was pounding on my front door and windows that evening , looking for an actual physical fight…talk about crazy.
It was a big embarrassment to her husband , who worked with mine and was his superior…
The bottom line, it was based on being competitive and , which I am not.</p>
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<p>Actually, the credit should go to Maya Angelou.</p>
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<p>^^^^
Rhianna should have lunch with Maya Angelou.</p>
<p>It astonishes me that so many behave in real life the way characters do on Desperate Housewives. I never realized it was a documentary. :)</p>