<p>Beururah, any young person with the drive, ambition and maturity your son has shown already, will get as good an education from UMich as he will from Duke. He will, however, need more long underwear, ;). I, too, think he has a shot at one of the others, and I pray that the finances work out for him.</p>
<p>Berurah – I agree with the earlier poster who said it might be better not to be accepted if the money is not there. Last year, my daughter applied to 11 schools. Why so many? Because she applied to a range of schools that offered merit aid – from so-called “safety schools” such as Loyola New Orleans to schools at which it would be very difficult to obtain merit aid, including UChicago. She applied to a single school that did not offer merit aid, and it was the only school that rejected her (Princeton). In a way, I was glad that Princeton said “no,” because we would have had to decline their offer for financial reasons. On the other hand, I was more insulted than my daughter (who just laughed it off), because I thought, “What, not even the waitlist?” Anyway, we had talked about the money issue before she mailed her applications and she based her application choices on whether or not she liked the school, and whether or not merit aid was a possibility. In the end, we did not have to make choices based on finances because she is attending her school on a full-tuition scholarship. But even if your very-talented son is admitted, will it be possible for him to attend Brown, Stanford, UPenn, or Cornell? It seems that you are in the same financial boat we were in last year – merit aid at Duke or Johns Hopkins provides the only hope of attending the remaining schools on your son’s list. I wish you and your family the best, because I know how difficult it would be to turn down a school due to finances. I’m glad we did not have to do that, and it might have been painful to do so. I think it is wonderful that your son is excited about Miami – it sounds like they really want him and that it will be the best for your finances. (Although, of course, there is always they chance that he will be among the lucky few to receive merit aid at Duke or JH).</p>
<p>Berurah, there is not perfect answer to your question. As a parents, we all want our children to get what they want, particularly in the “good” things and even more so when they have earned it as your son has. This whole college process is extremely stressful for those families embarking on the selective college route. When you throw in the financial aid gauntlet, it becomes even more of a heartbreaker.</p>
<p>My son’s friend from early days was also a Dukie. He was a top, top student, great stats, top ECs. He spent 3 summers at Duke at their summer programs and one of his recs was from a tenured professor at Duke who called him “best mind he has ever encountered”. The kids was a top knotch national level debater, and had an unusual sports hook as well (not an athlete, however. He applied to Duke ED, did everything he could, was deferred and then denied. It was even more of a crushing blow as one of his classmates, a young man he and many other kids despises as he was not a nice kid, got in. With comparable stat and a performing arts resume but no national recognition. What a blow. And it was not his top choice school–he wanted to go ivy, and ended up going to Duke with a bit of a yawn. That is the way life works. The young man I am discussing ended up at Notre Dame after along with acceptances to NC Chapel Hill, Michigan, Emory (with merit), Penn State Honors and Johns Hopkins. He is now at Harvard Law School. But I clearly remember the sting of that rejection from Duke, though now he can laugh about it and say it turned out all for the best. ND was as perfect of a fit as they come. And now the love of his life is finishing her last year there and then will come join him in Boston. Wouldn’t change a thing now.</p>
<p>I sincerely believe your S will have a number of choices soon. As you know, financial aid is going to be an issue as your EFC is pretty high and that is what was generated from the more generous FAFSA (usually) that does not take into account home equity. It is going to be tough to beat that UMiami offer of 3/4 of the tuition. Even then with $30K in tuition and close to $10K for room and board , you are looking at about $20K out of pocket. My son is working 10 hours a day, doing clean up at a local golf club and being a singing waiter at a country club over spring break and would be working more except he needs to work on his calculus to get that final grade up from that mid year D. He will probably clear $1000 over break, and hopes to make about $10K over the summer double shifting so that he can pay about 10-20% of his first year college costs. He has been the most expensive kid by far to date, with all of the music, private schools, auditions and now tutoring, and not a dime of any kind of aid. He has spent every penny of what he earned the last several summers, so he needs to start working. My older ones had a much better sense of fiscal responsibility.</p>
<p>I think the Cornell results are in, Berurah. S’s good friend was accepted. Take a peek. If it 's good news, you can start to celebrate. If not, you can spread the denials over a longer time frame. It 's tough when some kids who apply to April 1, notification schools when all the answers come at once and they are not good. </p>
<p>I want to start a thread later about kids who do end up without a good alternative. I was glancing at the 2005 magazine edition fo USN&WR when I noticed several references to people who were denied at their first choice but happy with where they ended up. But we are talking Harvard vs Princeton, Wash &Lee vs GW, and I brought up a Duke vs ND. Not really big disappointments on the scale of things. But what about some real life kids who do go to Pitt and commute vs ivies or slightly less selective? Kids who have to take a big jump down in expectations due to the unpredictability of college selectivity or financial reasons. I have posted on several sites about 2 friends of S who are working their ways through NYU because their family cannot pay the $50K a year that it costs, and cannot take out the loans either. So the kid scrounges, works, and does what he can to get out in 6 years instead of 4, and in 7 terms instead of 8, maybe even 6. NYU is their dream school so these guys are willing to do what it takes. Others take alternative paths, other schools. </p>
<p>I have my fingers crossed for you and S, Berurah, and I know that some good news is ahead but the decisions are going to be tough and the road is not going to be easy either even when things are more settled as to what the choices are.</p>
<p>Berurah, I will keep my fingers crossed for you and your son that whatever dream lies ahead will be the RIGHT one for his life. I firmly believe that much of college admissions lies in fate sending us where we need to go. My best wishes and thoughts to you - and everyone waiting - for next week.</p>
<p>Jamimom, your post brings to mind the book “With Love and Prayers”. This is a collection of sermons given by the headmaster of the Roxbury Latin School. These are sermons given at the beginning of the semester to the students of the oldest prep school in the nation. In several he questions who is better off , the student who gets into his first choice college or the one who is rejected.</p>
<p>Mardad, I don’t know about it being better to be denied at one’s first choice school at that moment . (woud love to italicise “at that moment”) as we certainly don’t know what is in the future or even around the corner. But a dream acceptance, generally means another issue if money is involved. The agony of trying to beat more money out of the school, deciding if it is worth the austerity that family will have to undergo for a student to go there, the work the student will have to do in addition to go to school. Those are pretty much the next steps Berurah will have to take with the acceptances, but most of us feel we would rather do that than deal with the abruptly shut door. It is always nicer than a traditionally better path is open to take as the unsure one has battles we cannot even imagine. I know that when my son was accepted to Yale, we were elated. And you would think the rest of this year has been a joy. Well, I am scared to death that he will ruin this acceptance with his lacklustre, down right bad performance academically. So it has been a hell of sorts here, trying to get him on track when he is off on a senioritus hypermania spree. I am wishing we had not released some of his other acceptances that may be more forgiving of the final transcript. I am wondering if this is the best route for him considering his immaturity and academic ambivalence. I am wondering if he needs a year of something else to get him focused. I want him to just go to college and have everything work out. It would be the simplest and most honorable route for all of us. But life does not always cooperate with our logic and desires, and it’s dealing with the twists and turns that keep us mentally agile, I guess.</p>
<p>“I think the Cornell results are in, Berurah. S’s good friend was accepted. Take a peek.”
Jami- What do you mean? (I am also among the waiting.)</p>
<p>jamimom, it can sometimes be a big burden just to “keep them together” to graduate. Last year, a friend’s daughter lost her place at a preferred university due to lousy second trimester grades, and ended up at her distant second-choice college. A number of kids S knows have pretty much stopped working 2nd semester and their grades are in free-fall. One of his good friends, a very intelligent young man, was so un-together that he couldn’t even finish the state U app - will go to a community college next year through pure spaciness. </p>
<p>Is there anyone close to the family that he looks up to who can speak with him, such as an uncle, pastor, male mentor? Someone with perspective anda sense of humor who can reach inside that teen psyche and help him re-arrange his priorities for two more months?</p>
<p>My son’s close friend announced he is in as of Thursday. The results are on line a full week early. I believe there have been announcements on the Cornell board as well. S’s friend was a borderline admit for Cornell. He was denied at Michigan, UPenn, Wesleyan and has now been accepted Cornell. Both he and my son were denied by UMich and accepted by an Ivy.</p>
<p>S has lost his PIN; will have to wait for snail mail. sigh.</p>
<p>Berurah, From what I’ve heard of your son, he’s a wonderful kid. And he is partly that because of the high school experiences and efforts. And the person he has made of himself is more important than admission to a particular college. Nobody is more or less wonderful based on whether colleges want you or don’t want you. I do, however, wish him the best of luck in the next few days.</p>
<p>Oh, Berurah. Hang in there. I’m going through the same thing. We’ll make it out of here (this waiting place) soon, and it will be fun to focus on something concrete and certain, won’t it?</p>
<p>Hang in there Berurah. Maybe you won’t have to deal with the dream denied. I’m thinking one of those schools will come through! Even if it doesn’t happen though, it is more like a dream delayed, perhaps? And as others have pointed out, sometimes things that aren’t planned turn out to be the best things of all. </p>
<p>Ooh, just read the above posts. Cornell results in? Waiting with bated breath. Good Luck!</p>
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<p>I’ve felt it! I feel like getting a tshirt that says, “My child is having fun at (fill in name of college) and all I got is this crummy shirt.”</p>
<p>Insert Langston Hughes poem, “Dream Deferred” here ===>>>></p>
<p><a href=“News, Politics, Sports, Mail & Latest Headlines - AOL.com”>News, Politics, Sports, Mail & Latest Headlines - AOL.com;
<p>This poem is particularly appropriate because Hughes is referring to a far more important “dream” than acceptance to a dream school. </p>
<p>I think you are vastly overstating the importance of this impending crossroads. Your son will have all the opportunity in the world to launch his career to unlimited heights from the University of Michigan, among other schools. </p>
<p>The true crushing dream denied is the kid who knew he wanted to be a doctor from age 5 and does not get into any medical school, one specific goal that is undeniably denied. Your S, on the other hand, has infinite possible destinations and an equal number of paths to get there. </p>
<p>Besides, I STRONGLY suspect this will all be a moot discussion when the additional acceptances roll in! :)</p>
<p>ellemenope -
the t-shirt idea is a money-maker!</p>
<p>To All -
we are also waiting on the last two schools - as luck would have it, his favorites. Only another week till the school results are in, and my yearly bonus does (or doesn’t) arrive. I’ve had it with the waiting, too!</p>
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</p>
<p>Perfect! We will definitely carry that at the Confidentialia College bookstore, and I think it should be required party attire for all of the cc parties that were planned back on the California Dreamin thread. We can have the basic shirt made up, with a blank and we can all just SLAP ON the given college name.</p>
<p>Is there anyone but me who thinks that there is something intrinsically wrong (and wrong-headed) with the whole idea of a “dream school”? First of all, with the very rare exception of that singular student who needs to study with that singular professor, the world’s only known expert on naming each of the Greek soldiers at Thermopylae, isn’t the very term “oxymoronic”? Should the term “dream” and “school” be linked together? “Dream date” I can understand, but “dream school”? Can it be taught?</p>
<p>Anything who comes to believe that, educationally speaking, there is something going on at the “dream school” that is more important, today, than what what is happening in one’s own backyard might quickly be setting themselves up for a rude awakening. (The school, after all, is just going to be a new backyard.)</p>
<p>(Disclaimer: Back in the Dark Ages, I got into my ‘dream school’ - more accurately, my “escape from NYC” school, off the waiting list. (Worked my tail off to do so, too.) I turned out to be among the best students they had, and they rewarded me heavily for it, both during and after graduation and I received a great education. But in no way, shape, or form did it turn out to be a dream. I was always a little socially uncomfortable, geographically very uncomfortable. I met with my vaunted advisor (who, by the way, was the future Pres. of Carleton) precisely once in four years, and I doubt that on campus he would ever have even recognized me. I made two close friends - one a 12-college exchange student from Wheaton, and the other, my roommate, who was murdered three-quarters of a mile from Harvard Yard at the age of 23. The Viet Nam was raging, and it left a pall over absolutely everyone and everything. I learned heaps - about myself, academically, about the world - but I can’t honestly say that I think I couldn’t have done similarly at at least two dozen other places, maybe more.</p>
<p>There are bigger things to dream about than schools - even for teenagers.</p>
<p>Mini, my daughter would certainly agree with you. She doesn’t have a dream school and in fact is something of a commitmentphobe. If you commit you can only get your heart broken. It would be interesting to see if the students who fall deeply in love with a particular school are the same ones who develop passionate attachments in high school.</p>
<p>Mini, certainly you are right that there is no one school for any kid (even for the one who wants to know the name of the Thermoypylae soldiers). </p>
<p>But it seems to me that this whole college search process sets kids up to fall in love with a school that they think really fits them - they do their research, visit the schools, prepare for the interviews, maybe talk to professors, etc. It’s a pretty cruel process, because once the kid does all this and is really emotionally invested in a school and applies, what happens is out of the kid’s control. Layer on that the need for financial aid, and it really isn’t fair.</p>
<p>My dream school (so yes, unfortunately I think they exist) was our shared alma mater. I knew from the second I saw it that it was where I wanted to be, and I loved my time there. I too received a great education and maintain close friendships with a number of my college friends now scattered all over the world. You’re right, undoubtedly I could have had a similar experience at a number of other schools. </p>
<p>I guess as parents we have to really encourage our children to see the positives in all the schools they apply to - so they are happy with however it all sorts out.</p>