<p>To barrons: From my personal experience as the child of parents and as the parent of a child, most parents know exactly what their children are “really doing,” although the odd consortium of bleeding-heart liberal and knee-jerk conservative character educators (who want to take control over rearing other people’s children) would prefer to have parents believe otherwise. The OP’s mother knows what is going on in her younger daughter’s life, and it’s reasonable to assume that M’s mother knows what’s going on in her own daughter’s life, as well. The difference: one mother is clearly concerned, but the other mother apparently isn’t. The OP’s little sister’s problem with M and M’s female companions continues, despite the likelihood that all of the parents involved almost certainly “have a clue.”</p>
<p>I think when kids become teens that knowledge goes way down.</p>
<p>[Do</a> You Know What Your Teen is Really Doing?](<a href=“http://www.oprah.com/relationships/relationships_content.jhtml?contentId=con_20031002_slang.xml§ion=Family&subsection=Parenting]Do”>http://www.oprah.com/relationships/relationships_content.jhtml?contentId=con_20031002_slang.xml§ion=Family&subsection=Parenting)</p>
<p>[globeandmail.com:</a> Anthony E. Wolf](<a href=“http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20070515.wxlwolf15/BNStory/lifeFamily/home]globeandmail.com:”>http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20070515.wxlwolf15/BNStory/lifeFamily/home)</p>
<p>To barrons: The two articles you linked (by conservative writer-turned-junk scientist Burford, and liberal clinical psychologist-turned-parental self-help author Wolf) are perfect examples of the pop psychology used by today’s character education advocates to scare parents into thinking that children and teens are cold and calculating liars who live a dangerous “double life” while running “wild” in the streets. Parents have been fed the same scare stories–in one form or another–for generations. These stories have always been and will always be sensationalist nonsense. </p>
<p>The OP started this thread out of concern for her much younger sister. The little sister’s problem has to do with gender, but not with sex. It doesn’t help the OP for this thread to stray too far off-topic for too long, so… I would be interested in hearing from the OP. How is the conflict between your sister and M being handled?</p>
<p>And that’s why every week on the news you see some parent saying–I never knew she/he was doing THAT. No academics have not covered the topic much yet. But I have found a couple and they seem to support my position.</p>
<p>[SpringerLink</a> - Journal Article](<a href=“http://www.springerlink.com/content/g2480477j5871215/]SpringerLink”>http://www.springerlink.com/content/g2480477j5871215/)</p>
<p>I"ve noticed in our community that the parents who “had no idea” are usually the ones who aren’t paying attention. They’re not on the lookout for symptoms and behaviors that alert some of us who ARE paying attention.</p>
<p>Wow, sorry for not responding for so long; just wrote my last exam yesterday, so I’m finally done high school!</p>
<p>In terms of making promises, we have encouraged my sister to avoid doing so in the future. She is a sweet girl and means the best, but she is a bit forgetful…I don’t know when she promised to pick M, but I think it’s very possible she completely forgot about her promise when it came time to choose somebody (doesn’t change the fact that M might have felt hurt by the forgotten promise)</p>
<p>With the whole “birthday kid gets to sit at the teacher’s desk,” apparently at my sister’s school, the kids all eat lunch in the classroom, at their desks. I think the teacher decided to let the birthday-kid choose a friend to sit with them so they have somebody to talk to (and maybe the desk is only so big and can’t accommodate all of the child’s friends)</p>
<p>As for how the girls are getting along, it seems like they have forgiven each other and are friends again. My sister did complain that M was cheating at a game they played in class the other day, so I don’t know. My sister is having her birthday party this weekend, and M and the group of girls should be there, so I’ll be curious to see how they interact (I haven’t met M before, although I’ve met the other girls)</p>
<p>
That does seem to be part of the problem here. From what I’ve gathered over the last few days, it seems that the “upset” that was created when my sister chose another girl instead of M to sit with her was not only due to the fact that she broke a promise with M, but that she chose someone outside their little group of 5. We are encouraging my sister to expand her group of friends beyond this group (partly because, well it’s always to good to have more friends, and partly so that if M & Co. turn against my sister again, she’ll have another group of friends to support her)</p>
<p>My mom has considered approaching M’s mother and discussing how the girls have been interacting; on one hand, it’s possible that M’s mother hasn’t picked up on M’s behaviour (kids sometimes act differently in school than at home) or it’s also possible, as in mathmom’s story, that M’s mother doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with how M is behaving. For now I think she’s waiting to see how things play out.</p>