Dealing with Favoritism by Grandparents

[ucbalumnus]

<p>

@apprenticeprof

In the OP’s situation, I think the grandparents’ reasoning for favoring D1 is relevant. If either the behavior of the girls or something in their academic backgrounds is at stake, I’d be inclined to take the money - if, of course, it is actually on offer (I’d also make sure D1 was the one handling the money, not me). If, on the other hand, their choice is arbitrary or based on faulty/manipulative premises (i.e, they’re doing this as a power play to punish and reward the daughters’ willingness to side with them in the divorce), I’d turn it down.

</p>

<p>Given the family politics involve, the OP should make it clear to D1 that dealing with the GPs’ money offers is D1’s responsibility. In particular, if D1 uses it to supplement the OP’s contribution to college costs to attend a college that would otherwise be unaffordable, it is solely D1’s responsibility if the GPs cut off or threaten to cut off the money, meaning if the money does get cut off, D1 would have to figure out how to replace the money or transfer to a lower cost college. Also, the OP should make it clear to D1 that he will not be bound by any conditions that the GPs set on the offer of money to D1.</p>

<p>I.e. any offers from the GPs to fund D1’s college are solely the responsibility of D1 to manage, with the OP staying out of it (neither deciding the matter nor being responsible for the consequences).</p>