Some people are not intended or called to marriage.
I do think there are more high quality marriages, but fewer as the article states. Some of the average quality marriages go forward, but only if someone doesn’t decide to bail out. For some people, choosing the spouse that isn’t marriage material is the big mistake - but some people are very good at hiding their true self too. Can’t change the past, so deal with the present and plan for the future.
People do change in transitions through life - but it is up to them to decide how to behave and how to maintain a marital relationship. Very common ‘mid-life crisis’ and change in behaviors, spending, younger GF/BF, etc. If one spouse wants to end a marriage, it ends.
@romanigypsyeyes I know if we lived around each other we would be friends, but with our differences in opinions; we are a product of our family, env’t, generation, faith/church experiences, etc. and our feelings about what is the best path in moving through life.
Europe has a big downturn in people participating with traditional church; they figured out their standard of living can be higher w/o kids or low # of kids; and other socio-economic-other influences that affect a low marriage rate. Some influence also with state sponsored church in many countries - that does change one’s thinking about faith and institutional church. Very common for people to live together, and some have a child together, later perhaps marrying.
US stats are sound that living together before marriage is not conducive to higher marriage success but the opposite. Some of that I am sure is due to people not feeling a marriage commitment but like the sex, want an exclusive relationship, like sharing household. Some date or see each other a short time and then live together. Some people don’t want to get married for a big variety of reasons. One may have hopes of marriage and settles with living with their partner while they hope the partner eventually will want to marry them.
I feel pretty strongly that you will be in the long term marriage stats @romanigypsyeyes because of many things. To comment, your parents’ first marriages - obvious reasons for the failures – I am not talking about those situations, but the starry-eyed in love people, that marry and have a few kids, and then they don’t feel the excitement for their spouse any more or look for fun times outside of the responsibilities/challenges with spouse/kids - as soon as they divorce, they realize they are happier being with someone in marriage, so find someone compatible to remarry – often have a more complicated situation but they all hang in to make it work because they don’t want to go through what they had splitting up, and also maybe facing their own responsibility in their mess/failures. Sis has seen many of these situations in her area in Iowa; I see some in N AL. Sis who works in a school system also sees a lot of cheating going on - so people staying in their current marriage while being unfaithful.
Brother was married to a serial marrying/cheating gal - he was H #2; she put on a big show like she was a very devout Lutheran. He knew her before her first marriage. She had a DD that was young when her first divorce happened, and the mom’s ex remarried and had more children - since the mom was sure to ‘stick it’ financially every chance she got, I think the relationship between dad and DD was strained. The mom then had affair while married to brother, dumped my brother and moved in and on to marry #3 when she ‘accidentally’ got pregnant with her son. That marriage didn’t last; she almost was married to #4 but he wised up. Brother has now married a gal that had three children with her first H but he had died many years ago when the children were young; her second H ran off with another gal. Brother and his current wife married later in life, with her grown children loving my brother.
You never know 100% if someone is going to stay by one’s side ‘in sickness’ or with the other situations spelled out in traditional marital vows.
@raclut it is shocking about your former in-laws totally ignoring your DD. Yes I agree with you that if you had a son, the likelihood of ignoring the grandchild would be reduced. I have seen where paternal grandparents have adopted their grandchild because GC was a boy and the mother allowed (mother and father were not in a relationship, it was just sex). A number of cultures highly value the male child.