<p>I’m hearing some sad stories these days. They tend to be of these two kinds:</p>
<p>– The kid who is getting accepted but getting no financial aid, who is amazed that “colleges can expect my parents to pay $45,000.”
– The kid who is being rejected from everything but her safety, who applied to highly selective schools with either a) No ECs to speak of (other than, for example, playing JV soccer in ninth grade (seriously, kids who do nothing) or b) low GPA/rank/SATs (below the 25th percentile of where applying).</p>
<p>I am also seeing the pattern repeating itself with the juniors that I know. </p>
<p>For example: I took a walk with a friend recently. We have lunch regularly, and I talked about the college visits we made during my daughter’s junior year as we were planning them. Her kid is a junior now. They haven’t visited a single college yet. During our walk, she expressed great frustration to me: How can they visit all the schools her kid is interested in during spring break? How can they find time to talk to professors and sit in on classes? How did we do it? </p>
<p>I don’t want to say, “I told you so,” so I just mumbled, “We took a different approach than you.”</p>
<p>My two-part question is: When dealing with parents who are not on CC and so know nothing about the college-application process, how do you a) deal with their lack of knowledge during the process (do you try to educate them? only answer specific questions when asked?) and b) how do you handle it when they are upset about the end results which from your point of view are understandable and should have been clear if they had done the legwork?</p>
<p>First, I’d recommend that they visit this site. Some of my friends have been intimidated by it, so I’ve suggested starting with the Parent’s forum and looking up specific posters whose kids are similar to the friend’s kid. Sometimes I’ve sent the friend a link to a specific thread. This might be great for your friend whose child is a junior - they aren’t that far behind yet!</p>
<p>Educating people about college admissions is a touchy situation. I’d just try to express everything, including caution, in as encouraging a way as possible. I’m not one to flat-out contradict someone else in conversation, so I’ve soft-pedaled when I hear something blatantly ridiculous. I did have an acquaintance who kept insisting that the recruiting materials his daughter received were actual offers of admission and scholarships. I kept saying, “Yes, isn’t it amazing what some colleges will spend to get you to apply?” but he somehow never heard me. (Fortunately, his kid was very smart and talented, and found a great path for herself).</p>
<p>I’d offer only sympathy when the results are disappointing - nothing else will help much at that point.</p>
<p>Sly_vt, I don’t deal with it. I just give them the URL to CC - everything they need and then some is right here. It’s up to them. If they cannot pull up a website, recognize the quality of the resource, and do lots of reading and searching, well, there isn’t really too much more any one person can do to help them. </p>
<p>In my opinion if someone is really trying to help their son or daughter they’ll come to the site, start lurking, and perhaps eventually start posting questions. It’s not that hard and if they cannot do that much, well, this sounds cold, but quite frankly I have no time to spare to help them, and I lack the concrete knowledge anyway.</p>
<p>For parents of juniors, or younger, I usually suggest that they visit the library or local book store and pick up a book or two on college admissions. Bill Mayer’s, The College Admission’s Mystique, and a Fiske Guide to Colleges is a good start. There are seveal good ones out there that help parents new to the process understand how different life is than back when we applied. </p>
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<p>Listen and sympathize. If they have younger kids, you could suggest a book or two, or this site for the next time around.</p>
<p>The reality is that most kids go to the #1 school of their choice: the state U. And they do not suffer the angst seen on this forum. The CC group is part of a certain elite - educationally, in terms of ambition for their kids, and obsessively.</p>
<p>VT, I guess maybe I should have added a disclaimer exempting the northeast from my statement. We westerners are generally much more mellow on this issue :)</p>
<p>I have found that parents (and the kids) have very different ideas about what their kids will do after high school. Not everybody intends to go to college. Not everybody cares if they get into a university (community college is fine with them). So detailed explainations are usually a waste of time. When other parents bring up the topic, I usually ask “what is your (or your child’s) goal here?” I only bring it up if the kids are in the middle grades or early high school (when some real changes could be made early on).</p>
<p>People are pretty clueless, and many prefer to remain that way. It isn’t my responsibility to dash someone’s hopes that their little Johnny or Susie, nice kid extraordinaire, is not Yale material. Do their parents want to hear that from me? Of course not. I just nod.</p>
<p>I have a dear friend whos d is currently a senior. I knew that she would have a bit of a challenge locating a school for her d as she had some issues and considerations similar to my own daughter’s search. This mom admitted to being reluctant to initiate the process, so I just kept suggesting she check out CC. Finally, I actually (with their permission) did research on various schools and sent it to them. That got them off of their …well, you know. She seems happy with her results!</p>
<p>LOL, I realize this approach will not work for all!</p>
<p>One or two of my friends is college-admissions savvy. Most are not. but most of their kids will be attending public in-state schools. A friend of mine recently became a high school counselor. I loaded her with books and web links. She did actually read some of the books, but I was just discussing her first college admissions season with her today. She was amazed at the range of colleges her students were choosing -“some Quaker college” (Earlham) and some of the Ivies, although she had never heard of Dartmouth before. Hey, I was in her place a few years ago and it really doesn’t take long to acquire knowledge about this process.</p>
<p>sly vt, I remember you do interviews for Brown… </p>
<p>I often back in to the “match/safety” conversation by talking about the wonderful applicants I see getting rejected from Brown, how there simply isn’t enough room for all the great kids who apply. </p>
<p>Then I share my D’s approach to the process: finding matches and safeties that offered key elements of her reach schools. Applying EA to a few safer schools for a more relaxed December-April.</p>
<p>Some people really listen, and you can really help them!</p>
<p>Her kid is a junior now. They haven’t visited a single college yet</p>
<p>Hey we havent either- cause you can’t count her sisters college.</p>
<p>My D doesn’t understand that now is the time ?</p>
<p>My friends kids are a year younger- but even those who have older kids, most go to instate schools or public schools in other states- not California, but Montana or Idaho ( no offense Montana & Idaho) ;)</p>
<p>But a couple years ago, I didn’t know which schools were Ivies either- our neighbor had told me about her great-grandson who was playing basketball at Cornell & I did have an impression that I didn’t express enough shock and awe, but I thought that was just normal grandma pride :D</p>
<p>They don’t play so much hockey in Seattle ( we do have curling though)</p>
<p>this was also several years ago- it might have even been in the 1980s, so it could have been her grandson, not her great-grandson :)</p>
<p>I did later understand more, when a friend shared how upset her mother had been when she decided to attend Evergreen State College, instead of Cornell.</p>
( we do have curling though)</p>