<p>Okay, nobody laugh.</p>
<p>D was an only child. A one-off “boutique” production. <cough></cough></p>
<p>We recently adopted two cats, one male, one female.
I’m just beginning to get the slightest idea what being
parent of more than one child would have been like…
they’re so different! And what works for one doesn’t
work for the other.</p>
<p>Okay, that’s enough exposure to ridicule for the day.</p>
<p>Well, I have a D and a S but they are separated in age by 5 1/2 years. They never attended the same school at the same time. I have referred to them as “my two only children” and in many ways they are!</p>
<p>But I always said that the* least* of the differences between them was that they are of different sexes. Totally different psyches, although their intellects are comparable. But she can be prickly and he is very mellow. When she was a difficult baby I used to say that her first sentence was likely to be, “You’re going to be an only child,” because she heard it so often from me. And she almost was – the baby brother got in just under the wire.</p>
<p>Fortunately, because of the age and sex and psychological differences, there never seemed to be any sibling rivalry, and they are quite close at this point. I do have one story though of a note D wrote to her brother once, when they were much younger, lecturing him, “You and I need to cooperate with each other better against the parents.” (The issue was his having told on her one night when we parents were out and she, against house rules, ate pizza in the family room.)</p>
<p>They are both young adults now and it is nice for me to see them doing things together without us parents. (He will visit her at grad school, they will go to a movie together, etc.)</p>
<p>I have a friend with an only dd. He constantly worried about their relationship, her personality, etc. and read books on how to be a better father and just ruminated about how to get the desired results. I told him the only bad thing about having just one child is that you never realize how little you have to do with any of it and how little influence you really have! :)</p>
<p>TheDad - I always thought you only had one child (daughter). When I saw this post, I was wondering how I could possibly have missed that second child (you never mentioned on CC). You must really miss your kid to adopt TWO cats.</p>
<p>I have 2 daughters. Even though they are 5 years apart, I spend a lot of time telling the younger one to stop raiding her sister’s closet - D1 is seeing her sister wearing her clothes on FB (they are friends). It is a source of many fights.</p>
<p>JEM- your story sounds exactly like mine, except that they aren’t separated by as many years.
Love your post, TheDad. I’ve always said that if I had my second one first, I would be far too smug a parent, thinking this whole parenting thing is a cake-walk. Our first born definitely kept us humble, and I swear our second-born raised himself. ;)</p>
<p>Before having kids, I thought that personality and temperament would be a reflection of the way they were raised---- ex. act patient and kind and they will be patient and kind. </p>
<p>Now I think personality and temperament are genetic traits like eye and hair color. I think the male/female component only plays a factor in how a child might act out. ex. short tempered girl might slam the phone and not speak for a week while a boy might throw a punch or kick a hole in the wall.</p>
<p>Cats have no friends. Each cat believes themselves to be the center of the universe. They can learn to co-exist fairly peacefully however… with the occasional swatting and hissing. </p>
<p>You did well to get one of each gender. They fight more if they’re the same sex.</p>
<p>I have two onlies, same sex, separated by more than six years and as different as can be in personalities, physique and interests.</p>
<p>Maybe I should emulate TheDad and adopt cats. They tend to think they’re the center of the universe… just like my two.</p>
<p>The joy of having two (or more) is that you understand how unique each one is.</p>
<p>I’m with you, lololu. We have one of each, separated by 5 years. After his baby sister came home from the hospital, and my very articulate DS saw how much attention the interloper (DD) got–he said very defiantly, “I don’t love her, you know!” We said, “you don’t have to love her, but you have to be nice to her and not hurt her.” He proceeded to spend most of the next 2 years doing his best to ignore her, but as soon as she was old enough to be a good audience for all his antics, he decided she might be ok, and now they are thick as thieves. It’s truly a beautiful thing–and these are 2 very different kids as well, which I realized as soon as DD came home from the hospital.</p>
<p>We moved south when my second S was 11 days old. S1 was 2½. My new OB/GYN said, “You have two Yankee boys, now you need a southern belle for something different.” I said, “I already have something different.” My boys got along very well, and still do, because they are so different. [D came along 4 years later.]</p>
<p>But while raising them, I was continually reminded of the need to stay flexible. You are absolutely right - what worked for one did not work for the other. Whereas S1 is Spock-like in his emotions, S2 was either giddy or in tears. S1 talked early and has always been very verbal. His idea of playing outside was reading a book on the porch swing. S2 was much more physical. He has always expressed himself through music, not words.</p>
<p>Because we did foster care, I also had the experience of raising children who were not biologically related to me. I do believe a lot of personality is genetic. </p>
<p>As far as cats, getting two at the same time is a really good idea. They will have each other for company. They might be less social with you, but they should also be less demanding or dependent. You can leave them alone for hours or days without feeling that you are abandoning them. Our Siamese is 19, and we adopted him and a litter mate who died 3 years ago. They were very different, but best buds. The one who died was very outgoing. The one we still have is a fraidy cat. We have another cat we adopted a few years later, but has never quite been welcomed by the other - they tolerate each other, nothing more.</p>
<p>My mom has three, including a Siamese who is 17 years old, and two strays who are under a year old, whom she refers to as “the monsters.” It is funny to watch them fight over her lap!</p>
<p>As the parent of two boys one of the things you learn is not to attribute differences to gender. One is much more emotional, empathic, arty etc. than the other. One likes math, the other history. It’s hard to believe the same set of genes produced the two of them. And yes I think a surprising amount of personality is genetic. My oldest was driven to decode the world from day one. My youngest one - not so much - but he was incredibly stubborn - I mean persistant! - about what he wanted.</p>
<p>Right now we are babysitting two parakeets - the squawking and fluttering that goes on! I don’t know how their owners can stand the racket. And they are throwing bird seed all over my living room!</p>
<p>Loved your post, TheDad! We also have an only DD who was such an easy baby and has always been reasonable to deal with. I remember DD’s preschool teacher telling me that she was more concientious than many of the parents in her class.</p>
<p>DD used to take great pleasure in telling me periodically that if she had a sibling, it would have been a very rebellious boy who would have given me much grief…I always feared she was probably right.</p>
<p>We’re not “cat people” but we do have a little miniature schnauzer (a girl)…so DH continues to be outnumbered by females. Little pup is more spoiled than DD ever had the chance to be but, yes, pup is our only “child” at home now although we’ve toyed with the idea of getting another.</p>
<p>I have two “boy” cats. They are roughly the same age but not from the same litter. They adopted each other at the shelter and we were begged to take them both. They love each other dearly, but they’re only one year old.</p>
<p>I had two male cats in the past that were litter mates. After five years, and two kids, one of them “flipped” and hated the other to the point where we had cat fights in the house. We had to get rid of him. He was part siamese.</p>
<p>
LOL.</p>
<p>It’s nice to read many of the responses here. Of all the roads not traveled, having a second child is the one I’ve mused about the most. It would have been different and beyond that I have no way of knowing whether it would have been “better” or not. D’s years of intensive ballet and ultimately her quirky $$ college that she loves would probably not have been in the cards.</p>
<p>The beauty of having two kids is that you can make use of the knowledge that you gained from raising kid 1 in rearing kid 2. My oldest often complains that her younger sister gets to do X and Y, while we never let HER do the same things at the same age.
We tell her that we learned from raising her that a lot of the things that we thought were important turned out not to be important at all. </p>
<p>The advantage of being the first, though, is that we felt excitement at everything that she did–because we were experiencing it for the first time ourselves.</p>
<p>Yep, they’re all different.
I have a 21 yo and a 5 yo. And 5 others in between. (And A LOT of stories. . .)</p>
<p>They all know that they’re not that special ;)</p>
<p>Oldfort’s post #4 made me smile. (It referred to unauthorized borrowing of clothing by younger sister, showing up in photos on Facebook.) I am the oldest of three sisters and there was a lot of borrowing, both authorized and unauthorized. Every so often, to stop the arguing, my dad would get strict and “ground us” from any borrowing at all!</p>
<p>Re sibling rivalry of pets, I like having two dogs much better than just one. I’m on my second pair of miniature Schnauzer + German shepherd, and these two are buddies. They are just a year apart. I don’t feel so bad when they have to be home alone together for a few hours. They are very different in personalities, just like human sibs.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Scenario: baby bottle falls on the floor</p>
<p>Kid #1: RED ALERT! RED ALERT! Parent proceeds to sterilize bottle or, better, replace bottle</p>
<p>Kid #2: Parent wipes nipple with tie and hands bottle back to kid.</p>
<p>I like to tell this story:</p>
<p>With the first child, when the pacifier fell on the floor, we sterilized it before giving it back.</p>
<p>With second child, we rinsed it off with water and gave it back.</p>
<p>With third child, we licked it and stuck it back in.</p>
<p>Third child is the healthiest.</p>