<p>My son’t dog died this morning. It was a completely sudden, out of the blue shock to us. He was a ten year old Bassett and he had a heart attack for unexplained reasons. My son is leaving for his first year of college in three days. It’s the end of the day and I am more numb now, since facing this profound loss of our happy-go-lucky friend. One of my many thoughts has been concern over how my son will continue his sadness while adjusting to leaving home for the first time. I know he’ll be kept busy, especially with all the newness of school. It’s probably those of us left at home who will have a harder time. But I wonder if anyone else has been through this: how their child has coped and how they’ve coped with two departures, one so final. Thanks.</p>
<p>I don’t have any magic to offer - only my condolences…</p>
<p>So sorry to hear about your loss. This will be rough on your son, but it may be a good thing that he will be leaving in a few days. He has some time to mourn with his family, then he will have something new to help take his mind off his sadness. I don’t know him, so I can’t venture a guess as to how he will handle this … but my thoughts are with your family & I hope your son can enjoy his first days at school in spite of the loss.</p>
<p>My condolences to you. Since your son will be in an exciting new environment, I’m thinking that the loss may be harder on you than on your son. You’ll be the one with two empty spaces in your home, so be gentle with yourself and build in some supportive ways to take care of yourself.</p>
<p>I’m sorry for your loss. There really are no words to help you both through this. Time will heal, the hurt fade and the memories remain.</p>
<p>Ooh, I’m so sorry. I have no tips, but hopefully there are happy memories and some pictures to remember him… I agree with NorthStarMom that it will doubly-hard on YOU. Take care!</p>
<p>The loss of a pet, a beloved member of your family, is always hard, no matter when it takes place(I’ve been through it twice this year).Thankfully, you have a couple of days to sift through the happy memories together, so don’t be afraid to bring the subject up with your son. I agree with the others who have voiced concern for you- the house will be extra quiet now. Do special things just for you, to ensure that your needs are met. And you’ll know when the time is right to bring another little bundle of fur into your life- a new one never “takes the place of” another, but adds to the joy. Please take good care and know that a lot of us are thinking of you…</p>
<p>My dog died in June and I am moving in eight hours. So not quite so close but it was during the summer of my preparation for college still. It is going to be hard on all of you for a while. Some days will be better than others, and it may get harder before it gets easier. I found some days I just had to let myself cry until I couldn’t anymore, it was the only release. However, I took GREAT solace in knowing that my poor old dog was at peace before I had to leave-- I would have taken guilt to my grave had he died while I was away. Your son may not be as relieved about that as I was, but I was very grateful that I was home for my dog’s last days and that he didn’t die feeling like I had abandoned him. That means a lot to me, and if you think it would console your son it might be worth trying. Your son will be kept very busy and while he will still have some mourning to do, he won’t have to drown in it all summer with nothing else to think about like I did.</p>
<p>Know that it will get easier. Most likely the shock will take a while to wear off, which is when you will really feel it, and from then on out it should get easier. Find something to occupy yourselves with, as your son will surely do at college, and try not to wallow unless you know you need to for a while. You’ll all be okay.</p>
<p>Oh, thank you so much! I hadn’t even realized he may have felt he was abandoning him when leaving for school - but of course he would. Today he was very concerned about our other dog, who is older than his dog was and who was inseparable with his dog. One of the reasons he was concerned was that he was leaving too and now this dog would “really have no one to play with.” His youngest sister is left at home, as are myself and his dad and two cats. But to he clearly feels he’s the one who plays with our dogs and is responsible for keeping them happy. Thanks for telling about your own experience, TwistedxKiss. Now I realize he would have mixed that guilty feeling about abandoning both our dogs with any homesickness he may feel. I’ll try to help him see how we’ll take up that responsibility now.</p>
<p>Thank you everyone else here, as well! It’s been a really rare day, one of those surreal days. CC Board members have always been a smart and kind support and I wish I could say thanks to you all in person. I plan to take all these suggestions and also try to take the advice I’ve given to my children as we all try to deal with this! A really loved pet is such an integral part of a family. Again, thank you so much for all your supportive words. They really helped to read just now, as i couldn’t sleep! My thoughts are also with all of you for when you get through difficult times like these.</p>
<p>I’d like to add my condolences as well. There is no good time to lose a beloved family member; this is an especially difficult one for all of you. Returning to school is a time already heavy with emotion. You sound like a very loving, caring parent. Your son is lucky he was sent to you. </p>
<p>My older daughter had few, if any, true friends in high school. Her cat was her faithful friend and companion. I have worried how she would cope if she experienced what happened to you. I don’t know how she would have left for school, or if I could have expected her to grieve away from us. </p>
<p>I think it’s doubly hard because of the belief it’s “only” a pet. For some people, young people especially, their pet has been their true and loyal friend for a great portion of their lives. For many, it’s the first real loss they experience. </p>
<p>I’ll be thinking of you, tia3, and your family.</p>
<p>Thank you je ne sais quoi - his bags are in the livingroom. He’s been trying to show he is so grownup since turning 18. Very tall and strong. Very careful and controlled. But also has always been very poetic inside. He said yesterday “we leave together, Rudolph and I.” I wanted to say, and I did “but you’re coming back” and then worried that it was just another reminder that our/his dog won’t. I’m letting him deal with this in his new grown-up skin. He helped dig the grave for the first time. He so wants to be in control of his life now and feel confident. We went out for our dinner and I sat there a spaced wreck, calling our dog by one of our former beloved dog’s names a few times, because I couldn’t bear to say his name in this context… I think I am not the most steady shoulder to lean on with this. But I think he wants that role. It’s ironic as can be, seeing your only son processing these two things at once. Your daughter will do the same someday. And the deeper her love is for her cat, the stronger empathy she’ll have for others who need her support. These creatures are precious gifts and you just realize how they help us grow while we have them and lose them. Anyway, thanks again for your kind words. It’s nice to hear someone say you’re a good mother sometimes, too. Thank you.</p>
<p>My cat died about three months before my daughter left for school. We went ahead and picked out a new kitten (which turned into two) before she left for school but we couldn’t pick them up until after she had left. She got to meet the new kitties at the foster mom’s house. And then when she went to school she actually started telling people that she had two kittens at home even though she hadn’t lived with them yet. Now that she is home over summer she has bonded really well with the now cats and they sleep in her room with her. The former cat is rarely mentioned even though we all still miss her. Sometimes it helps to move on and get a new pet, and sometimes it’s better to grieve for awhile. Your son will be busy and he will miss his dog but that would have happened either way.</p>
<p>This exact thing happened to me, as I was about to start my sophomore year. Honestly, going back to school got my mind off the sadness, and being in a fun environment helped me cope. I was also leaving another dog behind that year, but it was much younger (3 years old) so my parents just got a new puppy and they became quick friends. It was very tough, but the best thing to do is get your mind off of it and college will do just that. Good luck to your son and your family.</p>