<p>so i’m trying to figure out if i want to attend a wedding. Its for a friend who’ve i known for many years but we haven’t talked much in recent years. We’d see each other once a year and talk on the phone maybe once a year for the past 5-6 years. The main problem is that it is in another city that is about a 5 hour drive away and takes place on a sunday. </p>
<p>Problems:</p>
<p>1) Since its on a Sunday, i’d have to miss work the next day or be really tired. I’ve only started with my company a couple months ago and am already taking a week off a few weeks after the wedding date for a family trip. In addition, I’m a part time student and want to save my vacation for exam studying.</p>
<p>2) My work is annoucing pretty deep cutbacks and within the next couple weeks i’ll find out if i still have my job. I felt the family trip was ok but i’d want to minimize my time off. This is just the first phase of cutback and there are some planned for the next few years</p>
<p>3) I’m taking a class in the eveings and the wedding date is pretty close to when my final project is due. To be honest, this isn’t a huge deal because i plan to have my project finished a while beforehand. </p>
<p>4) I don’t have a car and the transportation cost to the city is pretty significant. </p>
<p>Is it very rude to decline a wedding invitation? How will this affect my friendship?</p>
<p>It is not rude to decline a wedding invitation. Just include in your note how much you would have liked to attend, wish them much happiness and also send a gift. </p>
<p>People always hope not every one they invite can attend. One less plate to have to pay for.</p>
<p>I’ve missed a lot of friend and family special occasions, due to concerns that I shouldn’t take time away from work. In retrospect, I regret not doing it, and today realize that vacation time is mine to enjoy and if the company has a problem with me using vacation time, that’s thie problem and not mine.</p>
<p>I’ve also realized that being tired at work now and then isn’t a bad thing.</p>
<p>So, based on your reasons, I would encourage you to just take the time and go to the wedding. I think in the end what happens at your job, and what path your career goes, will not change a lot because of it.</p>
<p>However, you may have other reasons for not going, and if so, then by all means decline.</p>
<p>It wouldn’t be weird at all to not go. If you lived in the same town that would be one thing, but if you really haven’t had a lot of contact, unless you love weddings or really want to reconnect you can decline and send a gift.</p>
<p>It sounds like, from all the reasons you gave, that you don’t want to go. Its find to decline and send a gift. You don’t have to explain your reasons. Its common for only about 2/3 of invitees to attend an event. Its really ok to decline.</p>
<p>I believe your friend will understand why it may be difficult for you to attend. I remember actually hoping that some people would not be able to come to my own wedding since the number of invites was getting large, and we were paying for everything, Lol. So, truly, I’d be surprised if your friend is insulted. She invited you to include you as you are friends, but she will most likely be perfectly fine if you cannot go.</p>
<p>It’s always an honor to be invited to something important to someone else. It’s okay to decline, especially when travel, expenses and work are involved.</p>
<p>Unsolicited Etiquette Advice: When you decline, if that’s what you decide, please just give a simple, sincere “I’m so very sorry I’m unable to attend.” Don’t name any of the reasons. Then continue on to wish them happiness. </p>
<p>I know that sounds counter-intuitive but it’s really a nicer way. Whatever reason you mention will stick in the memory of the person getting married as something that could have been surmounted if you’d reaaaaaaly wanted to be there. Last minute emergencies are in another category; nobody can help those. But a timely “regret” on their RSVP card doesn’t need any reason or explanation. </p>
<p>I agree with ellemenope that a phone call (made right after you mail out your regret card) is what a real friend does, so that warm voice comes across. Let your friend know how glad you are for his/her future; don’t dwell on the fact that you can’t come. </p>
<p>The gift doesn’t have to be as hefty as if you’d attended, but should reflect something you can afford that conveys your message that you wish them joy in their new life together.</p>
<p>I agree with Paying3, no excuses. Just say that you are so sorry you were unable to attend. I assume this person is still enough of a friend that you’ll want to send a gift. There’s no reason for your friend to be insulted. Conflicts happen all the time.</p>
<p>Main questions:
1.Is it rude to decline a wedding invitation?
No, not at all. Many people have all sorts of reasons to decline. This is why modern-day response cards have both options: will attend/will not attend (believe it or not, such cards were not always sent; the recipent of the invitation would write his/her own response).</p>
<ol>
<li>Will this effect your friendship? I hope not. I agree with those above: do not itemize the reasons for your non atendence, but do express your regret that you cannot “get away” that weekend. A follow up phone call, still without all sorts of details, is nice.</li>
</ol>
<p>Now, to me, the question is: Do you really want to go? (It doesn’t sound like it to me, but I may be mis-interpreting) If you do, then you can deal with being tired on Monday. But I suspect that this would not be a factor if you really wanted to be there. Am I right?</p>
<p>“believe it or not, such cards were not always sent; the recipent of the invitation would write his/her own response).”</p>
<p>In my family no one (still) would ever send an attend/will not attend card. When I got married we had to tell my MIL what to tell her list of people to do, if they called her and were perplexed. </p>
<p>I believe on the bottom of my invitation it simply said, 'the favour of a reply is requested, " or maybe nothing was included at all. I’ll have to look. </p>
<p>And then it was proper to use the exact wording on the invitation in your reply. Mr and Mrs Jones accept with pleasure your kind invitation to the marriage of… if the invite was worded, “the pleasure of your company at the marriage of …”</p>
<p>I find that few relatives and friends come to family affairs. Most just sent the Regret card. Other times, I’m sent announcement of wedding, no invite. I see that as call for gift. In short, do what you want. Send nice regret note plus a gift.</p>
<p>Decline the invitation to the wedding (where your friend won’t have time to see you or talk to you in any case) and make a plan to see her another time if you want the friendship to continue.</p>
<p>Politely decline, call to offer congratulations, send a thoughtful gift within your budget, and set up a one on one visit after the honeymoon and let her tell you all about it and share pictures. Sometimes a few “no” responses are welcome due to space or budget issues. She was kind to include you and you are kind to consider her feelings.
For my wedding 20 years ago, my mom (very proper) requested no reply cards to the guests of her generation. We included them for our peers who were, at the time, in their late 20s for the most part. The invite did say “the favour of a reply is requested.”</p>