“Happy kids, happy parents. That is all.”
Sadly I have seen this backfire. I’ve seen lot of first generation parents do this. As their kids became adults they felt suffocated. As those children because independent, got married, and had their own families they no longer have any association with their parents and still hold resentment for this. They are not able to forget the suffocation they felt.
For others they were never able to move forward in life because they didn’t have confidence and self esteem to believe that they were capable. Those kids are permanently scarred for life and years later they are still going to therapy for what they experienced in their childhood.
Now those parents that are now grandparents realize at some point you have to let go and allow them to make their own choices otherwise you risk losing your relationship with your kids. It doesn’t happen with everybody but I have seen it happen enough that I have learned not to cross the fine line. As parents sure we want to protect our kids and not let them suffer from making mistakes but one thing we have to realize is that we are not in 100 % control of their destiny.
I had a friend who committed suicide in medical school. All because of parental pressure and interference. I have another friend that attended Stanford and she hasn’t spoken to her father in years. She was so controlled that when her father would come home and ask her about her homework or test results she would pee in her pants.
For kids who are first generation to study in this country it is a tough situation. Their parents were brought up in different schooling systems outside this country and were not familiar with how things are done here. A lot of them experience one culture at home but when they go to school they are interacting with a different society.
You don’t know what tomorrow brings. As parents we will not be there for our kids forever and eventually they will need to learn life survival skills if they want to be independent and responsible for their own families.
You are speaking as a parent. Where is the child’s voice in this? Does it even matter to you?
I am an adult that was once that child now raising my own. When I hear statements made like this it makes me sick to my stomach. It drains my positive energy and I feel completely toxic.