The impression I got from the initial post in this thread was that OP was new to the forum and had been “shamed and condemned” by members of the CC community. If OP is referring to a 5-year-old thread, I don’t think that’s very fair to current members.
I wasn’t a member in 2012, but I went back and read OP’s first post to the forum and I don’t think the overall tone of the thread was uncordial. It probably would’ve helped OP if he’d mentioned in his initial post of that thread that the child he was referring to has learning disorders instead of waiting 20+ posts, because details matter. People have different parenting styles, and the parenting style used with a neurotypical kid can be different than the one you use with a child who has multiple learning disorders. You have to do what works best for that particular child. I don’t believe anyone on this board would disagree with that. They might disagree with what that would look like for their own kid, but disagreeing isn’t the same as being unwelcoming.
I think the people here are generally supportive, and any who aren’t won’t last long when the moderators catch wind of it. But the moderators can’t do anything about situations they haven’t been told about.
I noticed then, and still see now a prevailing sentiment that when children go off to college, a parent should disengage.
A parent who remains engaged and actively participating in the process of making decisions with their college-age sons or daughters can certainly do so in support of the younger one’s hopes and dreams. In my experience the kids who go off the rails are from families such as some of my friends and relatives who subscribe to the philosophy of 18 and done.
Those who disagree are entitled to their opinions but should not attempt to discredit me, conflate engagement and control, nor ascribe malicious intent to my motives.
What has inspired me to return now is the recognition that my son and daughter, both having been subject to the active engagement of their parents throughout college, are incredibly happy and living out their dreams. Though I suspect some may call this assertion into question, I assure you my young adult children are great–and this is a fact not open to debate : )
@BadParent I don’t understand the point of this thread.
Did you want to initiate a discussion about helicopter parenting? Or did you just want to make a statement about your own success at parenting? You seem to be very angry, and I don’t understand the source of that anger.
It would help if you defined “helicopter parenting” in your own words. Your definition might be different than other posters.
My own thoughts about defining helicopter parenting include, but are not limited to:
Expecting a child to follow a particular (parent decided) major or career path is helicoptering.
Having access to an normally trustworthy adult college student’s texts, email, and whereabouts 24/7 (GPS phone tracking) Is helicoptering.
Offering unsolicited advice about class selection and daily activities is helicoptering.
Not allowing your child to experience struggles, small failures and mistakes is helicoptering.
Calling or emailing or otherwise contacting a college professor or administrator or employer for any reason other than an emergency is helicoptering.
Doing anything more than editing anything your child has written, and even then only after the child has asked for help is helicoptering. A discussion about how to write a resume or cover letter is fine, but only if the child asks for help.
Generally, helicoptering is when the parent continues to take charge of things the child could (and should) be handling on her own, done out of love and a parental need to keep the child safe, happy and successful. The short term results may be great, but the long term consequences are debatable. But your definition might be completely different.
MODERATOR’S NOTE: The OP has stated his case. I don’t think he’s looking for advice. Closing thread.