Deferment Letter Topic: What was yours?

Colleges & Universities University of Pennsylvania
1

<p>While it is crucial to restate your interest and fit in Penn, others (like me), had notable accomplishments since the initial application to include in their deferment letters in addition to that. I wrote about the many unique and amazing things I accomplished (since my initial application), and how I would bring that and much more to Penn.</p>

<p>I have to mention that my accomplishments included major community service endeavors (which I thought would be a plus).</p>

<p>What did you write about?</p>

2

<p>This my ROUGH draft… My final draft was quite different, to say the least. But here it is for a basic idea of what I wrote.</p>

<p>Benjamin Gordon’s Letter of Continued Interest:</p>

<p>Dear Ms. Cleveland,</p>

<p>It is impossible to comprehend the amount of times I took that terrible trip down Route Seventy. The monotonous scenery. The single-lane road. The perpetual array of trees. The ninety minute trip always feels like three hours. </p>

<p>Yet, the torturous endeavor down Route Seventy has always been worth my while. As soon as I approach the Benjamin Franklin Bridge, shivers are sent crawling down my spine as I stare at the Philadelphia skyline. While I cross the Delaware River, I know what is awaiting me: the colonial and metropolitan feel of the city, Jim’s Steaks, The Franklin Institute, and the sensation and feeling of belonging. </p>

<p>Nothing, however, is more precious than visiting the University of Pennsylvania. I look at the hospital and see the building in which I was born. I walk down Locust Walk and I think of all the anecdotes my mother and grandparents have repeatedly told me. I sit in a classroom and I imagine myself being a student at Penn. I meet up with friends from high school and stay with them for the weekend. I even enjoy the visits to the Orthodontics School— the place where I got braces during junior year of high school (now I go there for follow-up visits and to visit Dr. Shah).</p>

<p>I feel at home.</p>

<p>While in the long run I plan on making a global-outreach, I feel committed to my Philadelphia roots. Since as long as I can remember, I have always imagined myself going to college at Penn. Being deferred this past December was the first time I realized that, even though I felt like I would just naturally end up at Penn, my dream of learning in Philadelphia was not a guarantee. </p>

<p>Although I believe I can be successful at a different university, Penn is something special to me. Not only does it harvest the social scene that I already feel apart of, but its focus and research of evolutionary biology is especially pertinent to my academic interests. I have already been in correspondence with the evolution and anthropology professors at Penn and observed some very interesting seminars. Imagine how interesting it would be if I could publish some articles about my research of evolutionary biology in the Daily Pennsylvanian. I feel as if I could inspire the students at Penn just as publications in the Philadelphia Inquirer, speakers at Penn’s evolution seminars, or one of Richard Dawkin’s books excite me. </p>

<p>I want to take this time to thank you and the rest of the admissions committee for reviewing my application. Although I was not happy about being deferred, I am glad you decided to further review my application. There are two attachments to this email. One is a letter of reference that I mailed to you during the fall; I just want to make sure you have a copy of it because I am scared it could have gotten lost in the mail. I also attached a letter from the principal of my school notifying that I am the student of the month at my school. Although this award may seem trivial, only around eighteen of a class of 556 receives the award. I believe this is a reflection of my contributions to my school/community and also a supplement to my class rank (for my principal takes a holistic view of where students of Toms River North are in relation to each other when choosing the recipient of the award). </p>

<p>Thanks again for reviewing my application. I hope you are coping well the great amount of snow Philadelphia received.</p>

<p>All the best,</p>

<p>Benjamin Gordon</p>

3

<p>Don’t put your real name on the internet … i hope that name is fake.</p>

4

<p>I sent mine around 5th of march, do you guys think it was too late? my regional director told me to give it by last week of feb, but I didn’t think it was good enough till then. Hopefully it’ll be taken into consideration</p>

5

<p>Oh yea and mine was mainly about how hard I worked since I got deferred since the very idea of going to Penn gave me immense amounts of motivation. Gave a few reasons why I loved Penn then talked about what I achieved since December</p>

6

<p>nope, that is my name. what u guys think of my letter? I did not put too much effort in to it (like 20 minutes at most) so I do not think it is as good as my essays</p>

7

<p>Were these mandatory, or even suggested?</p>

<p>I continued to update my regional officer but did not want to pester him about how much I loved Penn. Pretty sure early decision speaks for itself.</p>

8

<p>@thequestionmark</p>

<p>I don’t mean to sound pretentious, but had you made an effort to find out what you could do to actively increase your chances for April 1st, your regional director would have told you to write a letter about your continued interest in Penn and about any significant accomplishments or activities since your initial application.</p>

<p>You could say it is strongly recommended to do so.</p>

9

<p>For me, the attachment of the letter of reference was the most crucial part of my letter to the admin officer because it was written by a Nobel Prize Chemist. The rest of my letter of interest was pretty much cliche even though I meant every word of it</p>

10

<p>@xs0itg0esx</p>

<p>I thought that while reading your essay… it’s very solemn, and predictable… and probably the same thing written by most of the rest of the hundreds of deferred applicants. I sincerely hope your recommendation was personal, and that it pulls for you, because that letter probably won’t be enough.</p>

11

<p>I agree. Fortunately, my college essays were very original (I wrote my common app essay in the third person from four different perspectives… if you want to check it out, refer to the thread “3 longest days of our lives”). Here is the letter (w/o the letter-head and all that stuff):</p>

<p>Dear Colleagues, </p>

<p>This letter is in support of the application of Benjamin Gordon for admission to next year’s undergraduate class at the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences at the University of Pennsylvania.</p>

<p>With regard to my own background and suitability to make a recommendation for a young man who is likely to become a future scientist of significance: I posses an M.D. degree and a Ph.D. in biochemistry and I was awarded the Nobel Prize in Chemistry in 2004 for the discovery of ubiquitinmediated protein degradation. I have worked with young people involved in various scientific endeavors for many years and thus, I have great familiarity with the thought processes and skills of youthful scientific minds. I mention these items solely to let the committee understand that I have an appreciation for the qualifications and wherewithal required for an individual who is embarking the study of science in a prestigious university.</p>

<p>It has been my pleasure to meet with Benjamin on several occasions during which we had lengthy conversations and interactions. I am particularly impressed with the diversity of his background. In spite of his youth, he has shown me that he is knowledgeable and proficient in various areas; however, his background and accomplishments in science are especially praiseworthy— most notably in evolutionary biology. His comfort in discussing this and other scientific topics (e.g., Stem cell research, genetics) with me was very impressive.</p>

<p>Last summer when Benjamin was in Israel, he would have been invited to be a guest intern in one of my science programs at Technion University; but, I had to be in the United States at that time. Benjamin, however, did study fossils excavated from the Negev. Of course, this hands on experience is relevant to Benjamin’s major area of interest— Evolutionary Biology. Benjamin also participates in an array of college level labs in his advanced placement science programs, including DNA electrolysis. </p>

<p>In addition to the fact that Benjamin Gordon has already demonstrated a precocious level of scientific knowledge and understanding, viz., frequently spurring science lectures in medical club as well as in the classroom settings, he has displayed to me a high degree of forthrightness and unusually high standards. Benjamin has compassionate and empathetic regard for his fellow man, displayed by his various humanitarian volunteer work. In my meetings with him, he has shown a blend of common sense, resolve, and conformity to ethical standards. I believe Benjamin has great potential to make future scientific contributions.</p>

<p>In summation, I heartily and enthusiastically recommend Benjamin Gordon for inclusion for the upcoming undergraduate program at the University of Pennsylvania. If you need additional information, do not hesitate to contact me.</p>

<p>Respectfully submitted,</p>

<p>Avrum Hershko</p>

12

<p>I would also like to add: the letter of continued interest is not going to make or break a deferred applicant. I think all they want to know is that Penn is still your first choice. None of the other RD applicants have to write this letter. So in that regard, I believe a hackneyed essay would suffice.</p>

13

<p>@xs0itg0esx</p>

<p>I do agree with you. But it is an important component when reevaluating your application.
On a different note, I like your take on the essays; you were very intellectual. I went more for the personal aspect of the essays. I found a heart in each topic so I brought out the emotion.</p>

14

<p>^Thanks and good luck this Thursday =]</p>

15

<p>You, too. As someone said, if I get accepted and find myself amongst applicants like you at Penn, I would be very fortunate to be in that position.</p>