<p>Like many other parents and students I am waiting with bated breath for ED results and have been bracing myself for possibly disappointing news.</p>
<p>But I am a pediatric radiologist by profession, and today I read a CT scan on a 16 yo with metastatic bone cancer–his lung masses are all larger despite chemotherapy and I think within a few months at most he won’t be with us any more.</p>
<p>And it all falls into perspective…</p>
<p>How heartbreaking.<br>
I was thinking of something similar when I read a thread in the Parent Cafe. THe parent wants to get a new phone for her child, but she is unable to get it until 12/27. I understand her frustration (I’m certainly guilty of stressing over little things) but it’s truly a first world problem. Meanwhile my husband has a goddaughter who is suffering from malnutrition. It’s just heartbreaking. Here in the US, it would so easy to care for her but it’s much harder where she lives as poverty is rampant and medical care is not very readily available. We can only help so much from over here. </p>
<p>Indeed it does. Thanks for the reminder, Sudsie. </p>
<p>PS Years ago, we went through a tough time with our teenage son. DH and I were often disappointed, frustrated and angry with him. Then one day we talked to a father whose own teenage son had run away, was living on the streets somewhere and refused to have any contact with the family. This father had no idea where his son was – whether he was warm, safe or even alive! My husband and I looked at each other, and suddenly felt lucky. I often flash back to that reality-check moment. </p>
<p>I do understand the concept of putting things in perspective, but to a teenager facing a very major rejection is his/her reality. To tell the teenager that he should consider himself lucky because he is not terminal ill is like telling a kid who is not eating his food that there are a lot of starving kids in China (India, Africa…). We all deal with our own adversities, may it be big or small, but to think someone else has it worse than us doesn’t make us feel better, at least it shouldn’t.</p>
<p>About 30 years ago I went to a funeral - a co-worker’s only child committed suicide after receiving a rejection letter from the dream school.</p>
<p>Oldfort, I think sudsie’s message is for the parents, not the students.</p>
<p>I understand the message. My post applies to both parents and students. </p>
<p>When my kids hurt, I also hurt. I don’t feel better knowing there are other kids who have it worse than my kids. Issues we discuss on CC are all first world problems.</p>
<p>I understand the points both Sudsie and Oldfort are making. Obviously a big part of what CC is all about is obsessing on college issues and sharing the trials and travails with our kids and the CC community. But an occasional reality check is a good thing. And part of our job as parents is to see the bigger picture and impart some of that wisdom to our kids.</p>
<p>I agree with Oldfort. The fact that there are other people with problems worse than your own (or your kids’) doesn’t mean that your problem isn’t worth serious consideration. </p>
<p>There are some truly trivial issues in this world (like an object that was intended as a Christmas present not arriving until December 27). But the question of where a student spends four years – and the name of the college that will appear on that student’s resume for the rest of his/her life – is not a trivial one.</p>
<p>I don’t think the OP meant that since a boy is dying stressing about college apps is meaningless or that we shouold feel better about our own lives. But really, as some here post to kids fretting about ED/EA/RD and where they will go (and what school is on their resume), everything will likely all work out, that not getting into one’s “dream school” is NOT the end of the world. It pains me that some kids feel that it is to the point that they kill themselves. How sad, to think they cannot see the bigger picture.</p>
<p>For our part, we know we are very fortunate at this point in our lives. We’re not upper-income but we’re comfortable. So we’re helping a family in which everyone has dealt with nothing but adversity for years, and more adversity keeps piling on even as they struggle to overcome what they already have on their plates. That is OUR perspective. We don’t feel better because we are not them, but we know to appreciate what we have and help others when we can. I think that is OP’s point, or something like it.</p>
<p>Thanks, @sseamom, I think you hit the heart of it. . I’m not saying people are not allowed to feel sadness or get stressed about this process. My D2 got deferred from my alma mater yesterday, and I’m sad about that and stressed that this process will need to continue through the spring. And where my child spends the next 4 years is not trivial–but I also believe that there is a range of schools where she can be happy and successful. And if she ends up at one of the “lower ranked” schools instead of one with higher status, that’s how things turned out. If so, I will grieve and then I will move on. </p>
<p>I appreciate @Sudsie’s perspective. While I understand that all suffering is in context, and that the context for our privileged children is limited, it does help to know that their disappointments fit into a much larger world where some people would be thrilled with the opportunity to even survive to college age, let alone receive an education.</p>
<p>And I do remind my son that all of the advantages he has had (beginning with good care from before his birth to a good education throughout his 17 years of life) are still in place. I don’t think this lessens the sting of a deferral, but it does give him something to keep him going as he figures out what to do next.</p>