Denied by colleges? Use this thread as a support system.

Parent Cafe
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<p>This is the time of year when students who are denied admission by one or more colleges often feel sad, inadequate, shocked, depressed, surprised, discouraged, etc. </p>

<p>How about if we designate this thread as a place to express our feelings about being denied admission. Let’s use it as a place to SUPPORT and ENCOURAGE one another during these difficult times.</p>

<p>Perhaps there are some older students or adults out there who went through this as a high school senior, who, at the time, wondered whether there was life after college denials, yet things have turned out great for you. Maybe you have some words of wisdom, coping mechanisms, etc. to share with this year’s high school seniors.</p>

<p>Let’s support and encourage one another.</p>

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<p>What a great thread. Might explode tomorrow at 5:01 pm though (many Ivy decisions at 5).</p>

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<p>No it won’t, CC will be down… ;)</p>

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<p>When I got rejected by Oxford earlier (Dec 2006) I made a list of things that I hate about Oxford, and wrote a couple of deranged paragraphs about why I would not have gone there even had they offered me a place. And it helps to talk about Oxford and how much it sucks and how it’s declining as an elite institution.</p>

<p>I have lists planned for Columbia and UChicago … XP</p>

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<p>I’ve heard this advice so many times in the past:</p>

<p>No matter where you end up, you’ll be a great asset to the school. If you were denied admission, it probably wasn’t meant for you. It’s not an indication of your ability but rather of their inability to accept everybody worthy of being admitted.</p>

<p>It’s so much easier to say it than to actually believe it. </p>

<p>siiiigh.</p>

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<p>korektphool – I did much the same thing for Cambridge, actually, but I couldn’t actually bring myself to believe it. :stuck_out_tongue: </p>

<p>MIT rejection was a bit painful, as well, especially since I’d wanted to go there very, very badly. But assessing everything, I’ll be much happier at Caltech (and would probably have chosen it over MIT anyway, in the end), which is smaller and more theoretical, so things are working out. And I reckon everything will be fine and there’s always grad school.</p>

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<p>Noldo – you’ve got to actually believe it, mate.</p>

<p>I too have convinced myself that I would have chosen LSE over Oxford anyway, but now I have no way of checking if this is actually true or not.</p>

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<p>Ah MIT rejection. It stings, it stings very deeply. (I’ll always be in love with the school, no Caltech solace for me… :))</p>

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<p>korektphool – at least tell yourself that now whatever happens, no-one can possibly call you ‘that Oxbridge twat’. :p</p>

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<p>my Duke rejection hurt… I fell in love with the school… so did my waitlist at Wellesley…</p>

<p>my heart is still bleeding and my eyes still sting but I cannot cry for some stupid reason… all I have is this empty weird feeling…</p>

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<p>Hey, just because you’re rejected is not a reflection on you personally. Admissions is a crapshoot, IMO. Students gets their hopes up and their hearts set on a certain place - and when it doesn’t work out, they become depressed… Not a healthy situation… In the college admissions process, anything can happen. Colleges are trying to build a class, diversify. And, frankly, sometimes the adcoms’ decisions may not be the best, either, for their schools as well as the students… This is still a process propelled by people…
Good luck to all you hard working kids out there - and please don’t let rejection overwhelm you. It’s the school’s loss - not yours! You’ll end up in a school that really wants you and appreciates your efforts. Maybe you’ll even end up with merit $ that you never expected!</p>

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<p>Awesome thread man. I haven’t been rejected yet… but I am expecting two these next two days… I am gonna need this. </p>

<p>Again, great idea!</p>

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<p>This is the best thread on this board. The only other thread that would be as important would be a thread offering suggestions regarding admission practices- ways in which to improve the system. Since the students are living it - it might be nice to provide feedback to improve it. Its a bit antiquated I think. An open discussion about WHO the gatekeepers are and what sort of future these powerful people are shaping based on their own biases- would be a very progressive thread. I am afraid to start it.</p>

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<p>The Duke rejection didn’t really hurt because I wasn’t invested in the school, but I’m pretty terrified for tonight. I love Columbia, Brown, Harvard, and Berkeley, and I’d love to go to any of them (but Columbia especially- I’m so in love with the school that I’m trying to distance myself ahead of time).</p>

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<p>ha…me too…no rejection yet…but im waiting for two schools from the ivy…</p>

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<p>Education is an interactive, transactional experience. Once you get wherever you WILL go, that mutual exchange will become your education, not the name of the school offering it to you.</p>

<p>From the outside you can know very little and some places seem so appealing. But once you are on the inside of wherever you will go, that’s where the real learning and growing begins. </p>

<p>I learned this from my kids. Eldest was so disappointed when he didn’t get his dream school on ED. All winter he wouldn’t tell people (b/c everyone and their uncle asked…) what he thought of the other 7 places he applied (in addtion to hoping for the carryover from the ED place). In his mind he tried to make them all his “second choice” equally rather than create a mental ranking list. He said, “I’ll wait and see where I get in and then I’ll take it from there.”
Soon after April 1, he had answers from all 8: accepted to 4, rejected by 2 (including his ED hoped-for), waitlisted by 2.
THEN he prioritized among the places he was accepted, immediately withdrew from one of them. He made some phone calls, contemplated revisiting one but didn’t, and just announced it as his decision. What began as a passionate quest turned into a rational decision-making process for him. I was witness to that journey. We didn’t care where he went since all 8 places were worthy and each had a flaw. Some were Ivy’s, some LAC’s, although none were public so there was no signficant difference in the finances to influence the decision. One small difference financially did cause him to toss out from among the 4 that accepted him, however.
Off he went in the Fall. He was excited and curious about his new adventure, but I could tell that the rejection from dream-school still lingered in his mind, since he’d become SO attached to it.
In October, we got a wonderful email home, all about how he was loving his courses, being in college, making friends, meeting his professors, on and on. He wrote, “If I could have known how HAPPY I’d be in my ‘second choice’ school it would have been my #1 all along!”
But he couldn’t have imagined his joy before he actually got there and began interacting with his own education.
Before that, all this is the shopper’s view from the outside.
For a while, since he was in a better position to hear about lots of schools once he got onto any campus, he picked up negative little vignettes from people who had sibs or whatever at his original “dream school.” Based upon what demonstrably thrilled him at his actual school, he realized that his learning style better matched the school he was in. Darned if the school that took him hadn’t perceived that “rightness of fit” even better than he could have!
I hope that my story helps a few who find meaning in it. You are not buying a commodity here; you’re gaining entree into a learning situation in which you will have many astonishing choices in the place you DO attend. You can’t even know what they are, but the things that could make you happy next fall might include: a dedicated professor; a major only that school offered well; a favorite cafe; some quiet place on the campus you choose that makes your spirit soar everytime you stop there. These things aren’t on any tour or website because only YOU discover them, and that won’t be until next fall when you’re in your “not-first-choice” place.
Trust yourself. You are young enough to have had one dream but old enough to catch the next wave, too. The next wave will probably take you further if you let it, and you will.</p>

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<p>Interesting story to share with you: I spent 30 years as a college counselor, and am now retired. Last summer I ran into one of my former students, who I hadn’t seen since he graduated from high school nearly 15 years ago. During his junior and senior years of high school he became ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED with one particular college. Unfortunately, his parents were equally obsessed with it.</p>

<p>He applied Early Decision to that college, and was denied. So he came into my office in tears, ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED, thinking that the college that denied him was the ONLY place that could provide him with the education he was seeking.</p>

<p>Once we made it through the emotional elements of that counseling session, I told him that he had to put that experience behind him and begin to move forward. I strongly suggested that he look at one particular college that I thought would be a perfect fit for him and probably provide him with a better education than the “bigger name school” at which he was denied.</p>

<p>When I mentioned the name of the college (one which he had never heard of), he looked at me like I was from another planet. Also, I received a telephone call from his parents, who made it clear that they weren’t pleased with the advice I had given their son, because the college I recommended wasn’t “prestigious enough” for him.</p>

<p>Very reluctantly, he visited the campus of this college and was quite impressed. He applied, was accepted, and enrolled.</p>

<p>When I ran into him this summer, he came running over to me and shook my hand so hard that I thought he broke some of my bones. He asked me if I remembered how he thought it was the end of the world when he got denied by the college he was obsessed with, and how he thought I was crazy to suggest that other college to him. I told him that I remembered it as if it were yesterday.</p>

<p>He then went on to introduce me to his wife, whom he met in college, and his two beautiful children. He told me how wonderful his college experience was, and how he wouldn’t have met his wife it wasn’t for my suggesting that college. Perhaps most interesting is the fact that he is very successful in his profession, and is the boss of two people who graduated from the college that denied him!</p>

<p>Funny how things work out!</p>

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<p>paying3tuitions:
What you wrote is wonderful. My son applied to 6 schools and so far has gotten into 5 (one left to hear from) – but he doesn’t have a top choice at the moment. I’m going to show him your post – I think it may help him as he faces this choice.
You should post this on the thread School X versus School Y also!</p>

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<p>old but wise,</p>

<p>Your post (#17) brought tears to my eyes!</p>

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<p>I know how this feels… I felt like screaming when I got my Western rejection</p>