<p>There are so many videos on the internet these days of deployed military parents surprising their kids by returning during some public event. Does anyone else feel sorry for these kids, who inevitably burst into tears in front of sometimes hundreds of people when they see their parents? It feels so invasive to me… I mean, I get that burst of pride and pleasure that goes with watching it, but it just seems like it is exploiting the emotions of the kids in front of a big crowd (and a bigger crowd on the internet). </p>
<p>I don’t like it at graduations… those are supposed to be about ALL the kids.</p>
<p>sports events or whatever… fine.</p>
<p>Yes, but my point is that making such an emotional moment about the kids in front of a huge crowd (sports, graduations, whatever) really still puts the kids in the spotlight at such a vulnerable moment. No one wants to burst into tears in front of hundreds of people, even tears of joy and relief. </p>
<p>My husband was deployed to Afghanistan last fall. He wasn’t supposed to be home until spring but his unit ended up coming home early, just two days before Christmas. He wanted to surprise the kids and all of the friends and family we told about it thought we should arrange some big public surprise - like throw a Christmas party or something and have him show up. I had people suggest we post videos on youtube or tell the local media. </p>
<p>I was completely against that. For one, I felt like I wanted his first night home to be just us and not everyone else that we know. But also, I didn’t feel like it was fair to my kids to exploit their emotional moment for everyone else’s entertainment. My kid we’re 19 and 17 at the time so maybe I would have felt differently if they were younger. But I know my kids well enough to know they would have been uncomfortable. </p>
<p>We ended up making up a story about a distant cousin who was coming into town and that we needed to pick him up from the airport. H got in at like two in the morning so my kids thought it was all a little crazy but they had absolutely no idea and were completely surprised. Other than a few onlookers in the airport, it was just a really amazing moment for our immediate family. I did record it with my phone but just for our us to view. </p>
<p>Great story, wcbandmom. Nice to surprise them, but still have it be more of a family event. 
Glad you are all back together again.</p>
<p>Thanks!</p>
<p>I am not a fan of those videos. They make me cry, but it’s because I remember my own dad’s homecoming from Vietnam. I was in second grade, and my mother let me go to the airstrip with her to meet him. Just me, not my older brother and sister. I remember my mom taking off running when she saw him, and I ran to catch up. They had a huge embrace, and I stood there and waited my turn. Then he picked me up. I cry just thinking about it. I think she knew that that particular TDY had been hard on me and his longest to date. He was career Air Force but retired the next year after 20 years. I don’t like the idea of having had that moment captured on film and definitely wouldn’t like all of our raw emotions online for others. But we live in a different time now.</p>
<p>While I admit I do love the videos, I have mixed feelings about them. Not only because it puts the kid or whatever in the spotlight but because of the other students in that class. You don’t know if another little boy or girl in the class doesn’t have a parent or sibling coming home- ever- from Iraq/Afghanistan. Maybe I’m too sensitive but especially when it was closer to when I lost my BIL, I definitely would’ve broken down in class from seeing someone else’s happy family reunion. </p>
<p>I just think there is a better time and place. </p>
<p>@wcbandmom thank you for that story. Best wishes to your husband and family. </p>
<p>There are like public engagements. Some people like them and some people don’t. I would have been mortified if my H did that but a relative of mine had a very public engagement and thought it was great. </p>
<p>I’m not crazy about them, but have no stake in it either. It seems so “reality TV” where artificial suspense it built up for the big “reveal”. But if families and returning service people like that who am I to judge? I would think that it might be hard for some kids in terms of creating magical thinking that their parent will just waltz in and surprise them at any moment since that isn’t usually how it works. </p>
<p>I had a friend whose boyfriend proposed on the Jumbotron at a sporting event and she felt obligated to say yes. She married him, and was divorced within a couple of years. She told me later that she felt really pressured by the public proposal, and probably would have said no in a less public venue.</p>
<p>It isn’t “reality TV” for the kids who are in tears in front of a crowd.</p>
<p>I dislike these public surprises because they seem intrusive and I’d very much dislike being one of the family who was surprised in front of any crowd. In addition, I’ve read of several such public surprises in our area and in each case the parent had been in town for a day or two before the event, hiding out with friends or relatives, in order to preserve the surprise for the big day and/or the cameras. The kid was deprived of precious time with his mom or dad in order to put on a show. In one case, the surprise was staged at the end of a school assembly and you could see several other boys, probably 10 or 11 years old, become very emotional. I felt sorry for those young boys who not only had to deal with sadness about their dads being away but also were likely subject to some teasing about crying after the film aired on the local news.</p>
<p>The videos I do love is reuniting with the dogs. That gets me every time.</p>
<p>@eyemamom Me too! My dog hyperventilates everytime H comes home after being away or D comes home from college. :)</p>
<p>I’m not a fan of these either. I don’t really understand putting such personal moments online. The staging aspects detract from it all too. </p>
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<p>I remember getting ready to open Christmas Eve presents at my Grandparents’ house for the third Christmas in a row without my Dad. Suddenly the doorbell rang and in came my Dad. It was the most joyful moment I’ve ever experienced in my life. I can also tear up thinking about it. Your story gave me a little moment of joy just thinking about it. Thanks for sharing your story!</p>
<p>Ever since that day, I love giving happy surprises to my loved ones. But not for sharing on the internet. :)</p>
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<p>My dog hyperventilates when I come home from work in the evening! When we come home from a trip he is just beside himself! (nice to be loved)</p>
<p>i’ts not just the public moment part of it, to me, but also, as silpat said, the hiding out and not seeing loved ones as soon as possible in order to create the “moment.” I’ve seen that done to spouses as well as children. I don’t understand why people favor the surprise over sharing the anticipation and reuniting as soon as is possible.</p>
<p>I realize to each their own, but the surprisees don’t get to weigh in on whether that’s what they would choose. It seems a little unfeeling to me.</p>
<p>I loved that surprise. Dad did ok by me. I think I remember the moment much more vividly because of it. I have no memory of the other homecomings.</p>