Depression at college

Parent Cafe
21

<p>While I don’t know exactly how you feel, I can say that I have been in a very similar situation. I was a freshman engineering student at Cornell two years ago who had struggled with depression in high school. It would be an understatement to say that my transition was hard - some days it felt nearly impossible to get out of bed and go to class. You seem to be taking many of the right steps to deal with your depression (I remember my appointments with my therapist as the highlight of my week - that’s how far I’d sunk). </p>

<p>From your posts I get the sense that you may have enough in you to finish out the semester and go from there, but if you don’t think you can make it there are other options. I left almost two years ago to the day on medical leave, and the engineering school was very accommodating… I ended up with a combination of withdrawals and incompletes, but they were really willing to do anything to help. For example, it was mentioned that at the end of the semester they can erase credits/grades and pretend that the semester never happened, or they can help you withdraw from specific classes now to lighten the load if you think that will help.</p>

<p>The biggest lesson I learned: One semester of college is not that important in the long run - do what’s best for your health, both mentally and physically, right now. College will always be there - do whatever it takes right now to make sure that you will be too.</p>

22

<p>CUlater21…very eloquently put and you have the credibility to give great advice.<br>
Stepintothisreality…remember Reality is constantly shifting, live long enough to enjoy the show, live with a refreshed viewpoint over time long enough to be loved and to love others…there are people out there that are waiting to meet you when the time is right. No one says Cornell has to be your place…but get the depression in check and follow NSM and other’s advice to then take a look at transferring secondarily. If you avail yourself of getting real help in talk therapy and use meds for a season or two in your life, your reality will take on a new light and more people that will matter to you will present themselves. You are definitely worth the effort and you are bright and can get your college work done in a hundred different paths.</p>

23

<p>A relevant article on depression and medication:
"The final stage of a landmark federal study on treating depression suggests that two-thirds of sufferers eventually can be helped if they are patient enough to keep trying medications until they find one that works.</p>

<p>Thirteen percent of the 123 study participants who did not get better on the first three drugs they tried were helped by a fourth, researchers found."
<a href=“http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15503920/[/url]”>http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15503920/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>Wow…I feel the exact same way…</p>

<p>I’ve only just recently come to realize that I may be depressed. I can pinpoint when it started: March of my senior year of high school. I was accepted to college, knew where I was going (Vassar) and then something just…changed. Things didn’t get bad until I got into college though. I couldn’t make friends, I hated my classes, and I was homesick. However, second semester I started to feel much better and thought I would be alright…but I was fooling myself into thinking I had friends. I had forgotten what it was like to REALLY connect with people. I went home over the summer and remembered what having a real friend was like. Now I’m back, a sophomore, and more miserable at home. It’s so hard to get work done. I’m applying to transfer and I’m obsessed about it. I’m terrified the schools I’m applying to won’t give me as much money as here and I’ll be either stuck here (which I don’t think I could handle) or have to go home and attend the community college for a semester. I can’t pick a major and don’t know what I want to do with my life. I don’t feel good at anything, and I’m so lazy. The only thing that keeps me going is the fact that my parents are paying so much for my education, and I don’t want to let them down. But even that is no longer much of an incentive. Nothing is fun anymore, and my mom doesn’t want me to transfer, I can tell by the attitude she gives me when I talk to her and her short replies and questions. The only thing she wants to talk about is me finding a job and says things like “so-and-so went to this LAC and couldn’t find a job” or “if you transfer back here, then English would not be a practical major for jobs around here”, and I’m seeing a counselor, who is no help whatsoever…the first time I went to the counselling service, I was with a counselor who walked out of the room halfway through the session for 20 minutes, then counted that as part of my time. The second time I had a good counselor, who I accidentally was put with because the one I was supposed to have didn’t show up. However, her schedule was full, so she put me with a grad student who is no help at all. She sits there and stares at me and never talks. When I stop talking there’s always an awkward silence for a while as she stares at me then says, “go on…” so I think I’m going to go to someone in town. So basically, nothings going right, and I’m beginning to lose hope for everything…</p>

<p>Just wanted to say to the OP, I feel like you, and I don’t know what to do…things have never been this bad before</p>

25

<p>ames…read all these great suggestions from people again. Sometimes it takes going to a couple counselors before you find the right “fit”. people do this all the time. Tell your latest counselor how you feel ( I know, you don’t like her) and see what they suggest. You need someone to talk to,someone who can help you see things more clearly.
It is very hard for parents to really hear you sometimes. They are caught up in what you are saying and what they are feeling at the same time. It is especially difficult over the phone. I am sure when they know how deeply bad you are feeling they will understand you better. And you can never really disappoint your parents! They just want the best for you.
Go back to the counseling center and tell them how you feel. You also need a physical to see how your health is and to see if your health is causing your depression. Our bodies are wired to work with the right amount of chemical balance…if this is off it can make you feel depressed. </p>

<p>Now call the counselor and get an appointment now. Call now. No…now.</p>

26

<p>It’s also autumn – and having just lost Daylight Savings Time, this time of year is tough for many people who suffer from depression, particularly those afflicted with Seasonal Affective Disorder. There are many wonderful suggestions so far – I would reinforce the importance of seeing an appropriate doctor to consider medication. While it frequently takes several tries before one finds an optimal medication, many are somewhat effective more quickly than you might think. Don’t give up! There are wonderful new medications that weren’t available just ten years ago.</p>

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<p>As the parent of a son who became severely depressed in college, I’d like to stress the importance of finding the right counselor AND the right medication. My son was mildly depressed from freshman through junior years–in and out of counseling and on and off medication–but his depression spiraled out of control during his senior year. At the suggestion of a psychologist in our home town, my husband and I drove up to my son’s school three weeks before he was supposed to graduate and brought him home. He took a complete withdrawal from school (with full tuition reimbursement) and didn’t graduate. Although encouraging our son to withdraw three weeks before graduation was extremely difficult (probably one of the hardest things we’ve ever done), it’s worked out for the best.</p>

<p>With our son at home, we were able to find the right psychologist (talk therapy) and psychiatrist (drug therapy). His psychiatrist tried three different medications that had little effect, but the fourth medication, Wellbutrin, has been a wonder drug. Our son is like a different person. He told me the other day that he didn’t know it was possible to feel like he does now. He actually seems happy! The other day, he told me he was MAD about some of the dirty politics of this election. That might not sound like much to most people, but for him to feel emotion–after years of feeling nothing–was a huge step.</p>

<p>One other thing. After we brought our son home, we encouraged him to find an internship. He’s been working now for almost six months, gaining wonderful experience, and plans to return to college in January for his last semester. We have high hopes that he’ll graduate in May.</p>

<p>If there’s anything to be learned from our experience, it’s that you must seek help at the first sign of depression. Don’t let it spiral out of control! Find a counselor that you like, and remember that it takes time to find the right medication. Once you find the medication, don’t stop taking it because you feel better.</p>

<p>Best of luck to you.</p>

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<p>Hi…here goes my story. (if anyone cares)</p>

<p>So basically, I came to the states around my freshman year in high school and I it was all a big blur to me at first…but after a few months I actually started to enjoy it big time. I had some swimming experience so I decided to join the swim team and play water polo…absolutely Loved it. Over a few months, strangely I became one of the most liked and social people on campus (remember, this is in high school)…I was also highly active in clubs and I was doing pretty well in school too. Senior year was the first time I took AP classes, (my friend convinced me)…I took about 5 AP classes , did well on most of em except AP Chem…here is where the depressing part starts, you can turn off your monitor if you don’t want to read :O</p>

<p>I applied to a bunch of UC’s and a couple of cal states for safety and I got into UCSB, USCD, UCLA, Cal Poly pomona and I was stoked…all the hard work was actually paying off, then about 3 months left in senior year, I found out that since I was not a citizen (U.S Citizen), I wont be getting any financial aid etc… OR loans (they said I needed some sort of sponsor)…I asked my parents and they said they cant afford it, I was like …great…all the **** for absolutely nothing…then I slacked off big time… I got a D in english, AP Chem AND precalc, I didn’t give a crap about anything anymore…</p>

<p>Right now I am writing this sitting in a community college…I feel absolutely depressed, crappy, suicidal, hopeless, faithless…actually that would be a huge understatement. I love computers, in fact my major is computer engineering…I am going to drop calculus and physics with a W next week…I think this will hurt me even more…I honestly don’t know how to or what to do right now…I am doing *<strong><em>ty in school (compared to my standards), I am getting a A in my computer and English class… minus the physics and calc1 class…I dont understand physics, my family hates every inch of me, my dad is a loser in my eyes, …my parents argue EVERY Freaking day and it drives me nuts, I hate living at home, I hate not having a cell phone, I hate being poor, I hate having to buy the worst, cheapest 3 for 99 cents burritos everyday to even survive…I hate not having books , I hate wearing the same clothes everyday, here I thought high school was bad, now I come to college (community college is not even ‘college’ imo) and its the biggest nightmare of my life, I am tired of being the one that ‘doesn’t get it’, I hate replying “I don’t have a phone, or myspace” when my friends try to stay in contact. I absolutely hate every second of my life right now and I have no one to go talk to,…so I was searching online for the keywords “suicide” and I came across this thread and decided to post my life to a bunch of strangers…just because I had nothing else to do…I hate this *</em></strong>…Its NEVER ENOUGH…grades are always ‘never enough’ …test scores are always ‘never enough’…this is *<strong><em>ing ridiculous. I have been seriously contemplating suicide for a few months, …I was thinking about getting into skydiving and not pulling my parachute…but hey, remember? I am poor right…I don’t know what to do, maybe a gun would be quicker…what would I put on my suicide letter If i do make that choice? How I hate my parents beliefs, how I hate them arguing everyday, I hate how my parents have always said that I was a worthless piece of *</em></strong>, (even jokingly)…,During high school graduating I felt like **** when I saw my friends parents excited hugging etc…, while my parents were comparing me to the *<strong><em>ing valedictorian and why i wasn’t up there (even though I graduated with high honors), graduation gift? nothing…I played water polo and swimming for 4 straight years…and even though I enjoyed the sport, my parents NEVER came to a single game…When they come to pick me up after games at school, they are beyond late…staying late sitting by the pavement till 10-11 pm was common…my friends asked me what i was doing sitting on a pavement so late…I was speechless…I don’t know if I would ever feel anything when my parents die…All I care is about my little brother…i feel sorry for him to have to deal with them…I hate being compared to other people by my own parents…I hate being ‘never smart enough’…They ‘claim’ to be Buddhist’s, but I think its pure </em></strong><strong><em>…fake Buddhists in my opinion…I think I have been severely brainwashed by my parents…absolutely hate it…I hate feeling guilty … How I hate my father for being a fat slob that can only curse …Honestly this forum only makes me more depressed…everyone here is supposedly very smart…with perfect GPA’s , perfect scores and perfect lives…Anyway…I don’t expect anyone to even care about this…hell I am sorry for wasting so much space by posting this…Its just my mind is racing at full speed… I have no control over anything …Life is a big ball of *</em></strong> and every time I hope for this to end…it just starts over…Its never over…never enough.</p>

<p>Good luck to you all
-Anonymous</p>

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<p>I just got a call from son’s roommate’s mother and son. The roommate left school today and is not sure he will return. Has many of the same feelings that my son has and several of the above student posters have mentioned. I shared with this mother some of the posts I have read on this thread and others, hoping that it will help some.</p>

30

<p>394…,
As hard as it is for you to see right now, your life holds more promise than you’re able to feel. It’s hard for you to see the greys between life’s blacks and whites, and yet it is this stuff in between that sustains us all. There’s a part of you that’s standing in critical judgement of yourself and your efforts. Learning how to mute that critic so you can focus on what’s important, moving step by step into a better place takes time and usually takes getting some help.
Your CC likely has a Counseling Center. If you can’t locate one, talk to an advisor, a Dr., a teacher, or even your high school guidance counselor. Do take care. This can get better.</p>

31

<p>394…I am glad that you found this site and that you decided to let people know how hopeless you are feeling. It is a good beginning. You are certainly capable of great things and you know this from your experience in high school.You overcame more than most people to become a respected student, classmate and athelete. So you absolutely have what it takes. However somehow you have lost your way and just need help getting back on the right track for you. You are understandably so upset that you cannot see this path without some personal guidance. You need to see a counselor and you need to see someone right away.
In every area there is a crisis/suicide hotline that you can call and talk to them anonymously. They can help you find the next step. The number is in the phone book or you can call information. Your school also will have someone who can tell you where you can get help.
This can be a small blip in your life if you get some help. You are now an adult and you can learn to chart your own course independant of your parents.You know you have this in you. Instead of focusing your anger inward use it as a catalyst to better your life. Anger can be a powerful, positive driving force if you use it to your advantage. Take charge of your life and the pieces will fall into place…your younger brother will thank you for a positive roll model. Now go call someone, you owe it to yourself.</p>

32

<p>394 -
You can sit around hating your life, or you can change it. If you can’t stand living with your family, then make a plan to get out on your own. You don’t need a college degree to get a job. In fact, by underperforming at your classes now, you are wasting your time and money when what you need is action and personal growth.</p>

<p>We all have had conflicts with our parents over the way they choose to lead their lives, and the cure for it is to get your own life and make your own choices. I’m not saying they are right and you are wrong. I’m saying you are all humans and all humans have flaws. Those people you see and think, “they have no problems”? They just have a different set of problems that you don’t recognize right now. How we face our daily challenges and how we make the most of our opportunities is the largest part of what sort of person we become.</p>

33

<p>In reading the initial post, something seems a bit odd. It’s like the loneygirl 15 or whatever that was. I just have this feeling somebody’s out on a fishing trip. Not to put others off who are trying to suggest help, but I’ve never read someone who seems to be trying as hard as they can not to make it work. </p>

<p>Maybe the solution is to drop and go home. Worthwhile things in life require effort, including friendships. If you are not going to put in an effort, why are you there? Go home, get yourself together.</p>

34

<p>Alright, this may be a bit off on a tangent, but I felt a lot of the same things the OP mentions in the first post with regards to social life…certainly in college, maybe even in high school and before that. I am very shy, and I made few casual friends in high school (no close friends), and no friends at all in college (only acquaintances). I hesitate to ever tell this to people because they invariably respond: oh, well, do you put any effort into making friends? You have to just get over your shyness and go up to people and talk to them! You have to put effort into it! And so on and so forth, essentially implying that one day I woke up and purposely decided to make everyone I encountered dislike me simply for the privilege of complaining to others that I don’t have any friends. </p>

<p>I wonder if it has ever occurred to these people that their idea of “effort” and my idea of “effort” are two completely different things. For them, effort is…I don’t even know…trying to organize a floor party in a dorm or starting a new club and being its president or something. For me, effort is actually being able to speak to someone I’m not close friends with. For them, effort is studying for hours and hours to get a good grade on a test. For me, effort is trying to force myself to concentrate on what I’m supposed to be studying for more than 10 minutes. I’m tired of people telling me that I’m lazy, and that I need to “just get over it”. I’m tired of pushing myself to my social limit, only to have the people I’ve tried to reach out to forget that I exist as soon as they walk away. How many times am I supposed to lie in the dirt and let people kick me just so you can stop sneering at me for not making any effort?</p>

35

<p>blahdeblah,
I am a middle aged mom who as a child,teen and young adult was very shy, so I can relate to what you’re saying. My mom was extremely gregarious, and when I complained of not having friends, and being afraid of having to cope with situations in which I had to meet new people, my mom had no empathy. She just told me to smile. As you can guess, that wasn’t any help.</p>

<p>I ended up, however, figuring out how to get over my shyness, something that I eventually did so well that most people think that I’ve always been gregarious. I can comfortably and even eagerly go to parties and other events by myself. Indeed, I view things like that as opportunities to make new friends, and I typically do. Among other things, I’ve worked as a professional public speaker, and have enjoyed doing keynotes for hundreds of people.</p>

<p>Anyway, how did I change so much? First, I got my hands on every book that I could that had advice about shyness. This included classics like Dale Carnegie’s “How to Make Friends and Influence People” and books like “How to Make Small Talk,” a book that I read about 20 years ago, and that you may be able to find for cheap on Amazon or other sites.</p>

<p>You have an advantage that I didn’t have: the Internet. Check out shyness.com, a site that’s run by one of the world’s experts on shyness, Stanford psychologist Phil Zimbardo.</p>

<p>Also, be kind to yourself while also easing out of your comfort zone. As is the case with anyone learning something new, you’ll be somewhat awkward and will make some mistakes. However, those mistakes will be noticed far more by you than by others, and those mistakes will help you become more and more comfortable interacting with others.</p>

<p>Believe it or not, college may be the best time in your life to learn good social skills. More than likely the college counseling center has counselors who can help you. Lots of college students have the concerns that you do, and the counselors are probably very experienced at giving help to socially awkward and shy people.</p>

<p>You also can help yourself by joining some kind of club where you get to interact with people with similar interests. It helps if it’s a club where you really do something with others such as being on an intramural sports team or in a service organization or an organization like the student paper or a musical group. If you’re actually doing something as part of an organization, it will be easier to find things to talk about and to keep conversations going.</p>

<p>Usually organizations are eager to attract freshmen because the organizations need to replace last year’s seniors. Students in organizations tend to be tolerant of freshmen’s mistakes because the students themselves remember what it was like to be new. If, however, you wait until you are a soph and join that may be more difficult because you may feel intimadated to find that the sophisticated appearing people teaching you the ropes are fellow sophomores (who got all that knowledge by joining the club freshman year). People also tend to expect more out of the older students who join clubs.</p>

<p>One last thing: More than likely the people whom you think are sneering at you and are forgetting you are insecure, possibly shy and awkward people like you may feel that you are. Despite many Americans appearing to be very gregarious and socially comfortable, about 40% of Americans consider themselves to be shy. </p>

<p>Sometimes people who are shy put on fronts that make them appear to be super confident, and sometimes, unfortunately, that leads them to put down other shy people. </p>

<p>It’s also possible that some of the people who hurt your feelings were simply socially awkward people who mispoke themselves.</p>

<p>As for their forgetting you the minute you turn away, I’m not sure what you’re expecting out of them. Are you expecting that they’ll reach out to you and invite you to a variety of things? They may be shy people waiting for you to reach out. And if you see them again and they don’t remember you, just remind them. </p>

<p>Anyway, I hope that this helps. You also can find some other good posts about shyness by using CC’s search function. You’ll see that you’ve got plenty of company. You’ll also get some good advice including from students who have been in your situation.</p>

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<p>My son is also having problems making friends at college. He says if he would go out drinking or join a frat, it probably would help–but he doesn’t have interest in those things.</p>

<p>To meet him, you would never think he was shy or uncomfortable. In high school, he was always the “popular” one, voted “best overall for year book”, soccer captain, etc. When he and I have discussed his discomfort in college, I have determined that perhaps he never learned “how to make friends”. He lived in one town from age 2 to 18 and others generally came to him.</p>

<p>College is a whole new ball game. He also says he speaks to others, but no follow-up from them. Of course, I point out that he could take the step to follow-up…but he doesn’t want to be a “pest”. I have suggested to him to offer help to other students, whether it’s unloading a car, a study group, a ride to the store. </p>

<p>Give yourself some time, you’ve been around these people a very short time and as NSM said, many are probably just as uncomfortable as you are.</p>

37

<p>I guess I didn’t mention, but I am actually a senior, so the game’s pretty much over…six more months and I am gone. I did join a club and I update the club’s website, but as far as I can tell none of the club members are actually friends with each other outside of it, aside from the ones that joined with their friends. I feel like the only people that are open to making friends anymore are the freshmen, and that’s only with other freshmen and only in about the first 2 months after they’ve gotten there.</p>

<p>The people that ‘forget’ me aren’t just random people I met once, they’re people that I see every day, talk to every day, consider my friends…yet if I’m 10 feet away on the other side of the room when they decide to go to dinner, they won’t bother to come over and ask me if I want to go with them. I even got snubbed by my roommates the one year I shared an apartment…I had been sort of friends with them before, but they’d constantly go out places, do things together, without so much as saying goodbye to me on the way out the door. I’d hear the door shut, look out in the hall, and all the lights are off…roommates must be gone. Most of the time I feel like people only talk to me out of politeness and not any actual desire to be around me, which explains why I can’t manage to get from small talk to actually spending time with people.</p>

<p>As for the sneering people, I was referring more to the few friends I do have, when I tell them about my problems, or my mother, who goes into her ‘I was shy too and it took me 30 years to get over it but YOU should just get over it NOW because it’s all YOUR FAULT!’ speech, or what I imagine most of the people who’d read my post here are thinking even if they don’t post it. Everyone was shy when they were younger, everyone got over it, everyone thinks I should just go and get over it, too. I haven’t gone to my school’s counseling services because honestly I don’t trust them…I will probably just be handed to some grad student who will tell me to go out and join a club.</p>

38

<p>Blahdeblah,
Have you ever seen a psychiatrist or a licensed psychologist to get assessed for clinical depression? Have you ever had your regular physician screen you for depression including giving you things like thyroid tests? Somes when people see life so bleakly, it’s because they have depression – which is a medical problem, not a problem related to lack of willpower.</p>

<p>You seem very unhappy, and perhaps your unhappiness isn’t just due to shyness, but also is related to a medical problem that could respond well to treatment.</p>

39

<p>BlahdeBlah, when I was reading your posts, my heart went out to you. I was especially troubled by your mother’s remarks to you. I do not share her sentiments (or those of your sneering friends) in the least.</p>

<p>There is nonjudgmental help available for you. You can find uncritical, supportive listening and other help in therapy. I agree with Northstarmom; I urge to you consult a mental health professional. </p>

<p>It would not surprise me if you were pleasantly surprised by your college counseling service. Give them a try! Or ask them to refer you to a therapist off campus. Honestly, you do not have to live as you describe in your posts. There are supportive, nonjudgmental professionals out there who can help you. Please find one!</p>

40

<p>The reason I haven’t ever looked at anything off-campus is because I’m on my mother’s health insurance and I don’t particularly want to discuss the issue with my parents, and I don’t know exactly how that would work out…whether doctor’s visits would show up on some sort of monthly statement, whether one of the offices would mess up something with the insurance and send a bill to the house, etc. Seems like kind of a stupid reason, but I don’t want to be the office’s example college-student-on-happy-pills or have my mother call me every two days insisting to know how her poor poor little baby is. And I’m just assuming insurance would even cover it in the first place, which I don’t actually know for sure.</p>