<p>I don’t mean to be a pain, but you could get help with those types of questions, I would expect, at your college counseling service. I feel certain that they have had kids ask just these questions and have just these same legitimate concerns.</p>
<p>All you need is a job!!!</p>
<p>Blahdeblah</p>
<p>You easily can find out about your insurance coverage and privacy concerns by calling your insurance company. I know that my health insurance provides each covered person with 26 mental health visits a year with a $25 copay each time (saving one at least $100). This means that each person in a family gets 26 mental health visits a year. The insurance company gets the information. That’s it. Parents don’t get the information. No one except the insured person is privy to other health care info (as long as the person is over age 16).</p>
<p>Don’t have $25 to spare – get a job or find another way of getting the $. </p>
<p>You also could go to your college counseling center. You have no way of knowing how good it is without going to it.</p>
<p>Or you can continue to do what you’ve been doing, which is being miserable. Clearly, what you’re doing isn’t working for you, so your best chance of having a more fulfilling life is to do something different.</p>
<p>Thus far, you have rejected every suggestion anyone has made here. As I mentioned before, that kind of bleak outlook can indicate that you’re suffering from clinical depression. In addition, people who constantly dwell on their problems are not people who attract others to be friends with them. They end up being people whom others avoid because people don’t want to be around wet blankets. Such a situation can change, however, if the person changes their behavior – something that medication, therapy, addresing other medical problems, or taking other actions may be able to help them with. </p>
<p>One last thing: Medications for depresssion are not happy pills. Depression medications compensate for chemical deficiencies that people have. As a result, they are able to have a normal range of emotions instead of being constantly depressed no matter what kind of a situation they are in.</p>
<p>I strongly suggest that you read about depression medication, and also look at some discussion boards where people discuss their depressions and how treatment helped.</p>
<p>The reason the insurance thing worries me is because it has all sorts of fussy rules about who you can and can’t see in one state, which are completely different from who you can and can’t see in another state, and it seems like every time I go to the doctor for something, someone screws up in the billing process somewhere and a bill gets sent to my mother. But that’s a whole new subject, really. I suppose I will think about going to the school’s counseling center in the meantime, and try to find cheap used books on Amazon. </p>
<p>I don’t exactly see how the suggestion of getting a job would help, especially since I already do work study to begin with.</p>
<p>I agree with what you say about a job. And, I hope that you will keep us posted on how you are doing, and on how it goes if you do decide to see a counselor.</p>
<p>Hi guys. Thanks for the replies… </p>
<p>I just dropped calc1 and physics with a W…man…Im gonna be in a JC till im 35…like blows big time… :'(</p>
<p>Backtrack. Begin again. You are worth it and you can do it. I know you are disappointed that your parents are not able to mentor you at this juncture in life but you will have to recruit other mentors and take it slowly. Get to the counselor’s office at the community college and ask for a few sessions to help you prioritize and also to allow you to have a private place to vent a little and explore how to better accept your family’s limitations. Believe it or not, although it is certainly true that many kids have stellar family support for college, your experience of having to scratch this out on your own two feet is not that rare. Sounds like you are a young adult who needs a little help sorting out “family-of_origin” conflicts and issues and this is the right time in life to take that on privately. Your parents are never going to step up to fill these needs, but they might surprise you later if you lead the way and you exhibit maturity and patience. But don’t stay in school for them, do it for yourself because you are bright and now is the time. Community college can indeed work and open doors after you get through the requisites. You may earn your way into a very happy situation by your junior and senior years that may inspire you and reward you for sticking out your CC classes and applying yourself now. We all have to sort through various versions of parents not filling out the gaps enough for us. Let other people in and let new adults in your life. Make your education your central priority even if it seems like you are making slow progress. I know you can do it. But get that depression and anger looked at and step back and sort that out, too. Use what you have to propel you forward toward the kind of work and relationships you sense would bring you fulfillment and strengthen you. By doing that, you will likely find yourself in a better position to come back to time with your family. These years in life in between the families we were born into and the families we create and acquire can be confusing. Allow yourself a season of counseling, and do your classwork with consistency through out. Take Care…many brilliant cool people have withdrawn from courses and had false starts. Take a hard look at what your impediments really are now and begin on a new page.</p>
<p>I really really hope you are at least a little right about some of those things, I’ll believe you for now…I have nothing else to believe. By the way, it was really tough for me to go to the counselor and tell her about my problems but she told me exactly what I had expected… take a break, go to therapy, anti-depressents, all the other b.s that I am 100% against, take a break? I am already behind according to my standards…and anti depressents dont do anything…anyway I am spaced out and completely confused right now…I’ll follow what falline said for a few months and see how it turns out next semester…I hope suicide is not the answer…it just seems too easy.</p>
<p>I am really proud of you for going to the counselor (I know that was really hard and that you are frustrated with yourself right now and likely being hard on yourself in your mind) and I am sure your college counselor is not a Buddha or some totally evolved person but he or she is an experienced person who can likely help you. Go to at least four appointments and give it a shot. Try to expect things of others (even counselors and teachers) in moderation, and this will also help you stop comparing yourself to some ideal version of reality, too. Do you think you will ever be a Dad? If so how would you want to treat a son at this moment in time to get the best possible next phase of life going for your son? Treat yourself that well, with respect for the process itself. You have talents. You don’t have to have it all together at your age. You are allowed to take some time.<br>
It is a worry when any student posts that they have had suicidal thoughts as we are not equipped to respond in this setting. I want you to promise that you will call a helpline or your counselor if you have such thoughts because impulsivity is an issue at your age which will pass when your brain is done developing…in other words we adults also have bleak times but we have more ability to weather bleak. Kids your age sometimes can’t tolerate that feeling state. Don’t let your “immaturity” biologically speaking prevent you from living a long interesting life in this world is my point. Being young is not a crime but it can be a vulnerability. You have to make it through the next couple of years so give yourself the chance for gaining insight and better mood now.
I want you to consider meds for a season… a season is not forever…if you are getting a recommendation for them. When I was your age the only antidepressant that was cutting edge was Elavil. Since then there are so many better truly effective options that you can use with supervision to replace a chemical imbalance that may indeed be distorting your thoughts and also hurting your ability to learn and focus in school. You may have reasons to feel depressed…but you need to explore that with a counselor…is this Reactive to a situation or is this depressed spell also from genetic factors and/or both? Depressive episodes don’t resolve as well with only talk therapy or with only meds…they resolve best with both. Also there was a study published this week that stated that you have to tolerate changing meds to to beat depression…many first drug trials don’t do much but the second choice drug may be the right one. You didn’t get depressed overnight…it has been building. You can’t expect to feel better without some time and intentional choices.
Don’t equate one season of academic failure with your future. All the bad feelings about failing a class can be put behind you.</p>
<p>Boys are pretty focused on numbers and win/lose views of life. Life is not like that, life truly is a long search and journey…allow yourself to be confused, allow yourself to have a season to sort it out, don’t worry about goal setting until you identify your key issues and acknowledge them…then you will be able to sit back and observe yourself better and know how to attribute your emotions in a connected way. Life is more a series of plateaus and content periods followed by disruption and disequilibrium. When you know yourself better, and have time to develop your own close friends and supports, you can weather the rocky times. This takes a few years and a few wrong turns and lessons. Most people your age are in transit and flux and don’t have their social circles for their adult lives chosen yet. It can be lonely.
Expect moderate insights and good will from your counselor and sometimes you will have bigger aha moments and feel yourself moving forward. I have been out of the business of counseling for a few years but I can tell you from the year I was in counseling when just a bit older than you are that it really did feel worse at first to talk to someone…I guess the short version is that whatever bravado or defenses one has for dealing with difficulties need to be discarded and replaced with something better and a bit more evolved. However, starting talk therapy is like having to admit your defenses don’t work and you are floundering but you simply don’t have the next version of reality worked out in your head and heart yet so you feel exposed and vulnerable. Otherwise, why make that first apt, yes? Yeah, people should prepare others that beginning therapy can make you feel worse at first. Having your former defenses fail and not knowing how to proceed can feel really bad. But you will find new ways to cope with challenges in your life, I promise. How one copes as a teen has to be set aside for adulthood and you have to come up with a new attitude.<br>
Anyway, you seem highly verbal and expressive. You would likely benefit from talk counseling and you could be the kind of person that could make good use of a therapist that would help sort things out and prioritize so you can get on your feet again soon.<br>
anyway…take care and respect yourself and your own future…there are people in your future you have not met yet who are going to make the world a better place. But first you have to get to know yourself and your own vulnerabilities better.</p>
<p>So yea, this forum is basically the only place where I could write stuff, so someone who at least cares a little be could give me some tips…pathetic huh?</p>
<p>Well On december 4th, I turned 19…what a depressing day, I felt like crying because of how crappy Im doing with everything in my life…<em>sigh</em>, I just slept in my bed for like 26 hours straight…</p>
<p>now at school, after I dropped calculus and physics, I was left with Java Programming + English 103, I had a B+/A- in my java class and I bombed the final which dragged my grade down to a lousy, pathetic ‘C’, ‘C’ really stands for crap…I have a high B in english with 2 more assignments + Final essay left (due this friday), I dont have any hope anymore …really…I feel like the biggest idiot in the world, maybe my standards are too high…maybe Im really a idiot…Im gonna go at it again at physics and calculus next semester and try to learn it by myself during break…I dunno, I just feel numb I guess…By the way, I stopped going to the counselor after my 2nd time…What a Joke ! , I feel like they have some sort of a pre-written script or something that they use on all ‘depressed’ people I guess…(Say X, Y if he is X, or Y) <em>sigh</em>…counselors seems to be a joke in my opinion, I guess they are busy with their own lives…cant really blame em…well my dreams of at least getting a 3.5 is slowly fading away, berekely is sure a NO NO, chances of UCLA is def fading away…Im also tired of all the idiots in community college…some of them are years older than me, but act like a bunch of morons, dont even know how to behave in public…I dont know…maybe Its just me. I get frustrated at the smallest annoying things people do right now. I wanted to graduate college by at least 21/22 but I feel that is also slowly fading away…I cant get any loans, cant get any financial aids/pocket money…I was googling for suicide/depression and I came across this newsgroup called ASH, and its basically a bunch of depressed kids/adults/students with crappy lives like myself considering suicide…Im having multiple thoughts about suicide and it seems like …even though it will get rid of all the problems I have will/have (sort of peaceful dont you think)…it could really drive my parents off the walls, and I doubt they could handle it…I dont think I want anyone feeling ‘guilty’ over my choices…Its interesting to read all these peoples life stories though…its quite shocking to see that a number of people have actually committed suicide using that newsgroups method :O…Well what a crappy semester this is…its great and horrible that the semester is ending in a few days…its great because I wont have any academic pressure for a little while…it sucks because I have to be at home (phone-less, carless 
) listening to my family yell , feeling even crappier…usually (like today) even if theres no class I just come to school and sit in the computer lab all day for like 14 hours straight…eating cheap burritos and drinking water… Believe it or not I dont drink or do any sorts of drugs, in fact i stay away from most of my ‘friends’ that do that type of stuff, I think that will only make everything worse…but I think I am getting into another bad habit though…: shoplifting… I keep stealing stuff like ‘gum’ , ‘food’ (Nestle milk today) and some electronics, the weird thing is that, I KNOW its illegal, I know is Wrong, I know is messed up…but for some reason I feel like its right…but Im sure its not…like everything else…well christmas is coming…but anyone wanna guess what Im doing ? yea you guessed it right…im going to stay at home alone just sitting there doing nothing…I think my family is going to some fancy dinner thing…but I dont want to spend any time with em…I think I like spending time alone right now… man I am really spaced out and confused right now, cant believe I just typed all that stuff…well anyway Im going to stop now, I don’t want to post a entire book on how crappy my life is…apologies If my post is all over the place, too long, etc…</p>
<p>merry Christmas etc… everyone.
Enjoy the holidays
-3</p>
<p>39…I am sorry that you continue to feel so badly. Depression is such a heavy feeling that it can cause an inability to see reality correctly. People who are depressed generally have an apathetic or hateful view on all aspects of their lives. Sounds like thats where you are . </p>
<p>You need to talk to someone about your feelings and recent changes in behavior. I’m sorry the counselor didn’t work out. Go ask for another one. This happens all the time in counseling. Call a crisis hotline and talk to someone there. </p>
<p>You are not seeing things clearly. You need help doing so. GO CALL SOMEONE.</p>
<p>Just a thought… Perhaps the counselor gave you correct advice…Take a break, check out antidepressants, try therapy.</p>
<p>My advice is to go back to your counselor. And don’t take any stuff anymore. I am sorry money is scarce and your parents appear not aware of your worries. Anti depressants can help for a bad spell in life and plenty of research says talk counseling without them is much less effective with depression…and the reverse is also true…antidepressants without counseling are less effective. Someone medically qualified to help you assess these choices re your present state can help you decide.</p>
<p>Avoiding going to sessions early on is not unusual, just suck it up and return. No one said it was going to be fun, but you may feel you can redefine your problem and goals after five or six meetings. A lifetime of issues with your family which may be no fault of your own but still hard to cope with…and a lot of confusion about your next steps in life is not going to go awy in two hours with someone who is just getting to know you. …like I said, no one enjoys feeling this depressed, and counselors are not Buddhas or all knowing beings. Most people hate counseling at first. Who likes feeling vulnerable…no one! But you can’t do your best college work with this bad mood.</p>
<p>Some people have parents who are good guides for young adulthood, and I know that makes life easier. Many many people did not have parental guidance for their late teens and early 20s at all. You are going to have to invent your future and get busy working and finding new “partial” guides and mentors. You are young and you do need adults around some. You may change directions several times…perfectly normal. Life has chapters in it. This chapter is particularly hard on you but the key is to get to have the pleasure and happiness ahead in the rest of the chapters in your life. At your age, you need to be developing skills and to feel possibilities. You don’t have to have accomplished much yet…there is still tons of time for new beginnings. Dwelling on Berkeley at this moment is not helping you.<br>
You need smaller doable achieveable goals that make sense but also lead you to a sense of moving forward and being pleased with yourself. </p>
<p>I know you are bright and you will do it. You will get an education.</p>
<p>Believe me when I tell you the counselor you are blowing off is going to be much nicer to work with than the “counselor” you have to see after being arrested for petty larceny or shoplifting. </p>
<p>What you don’t need right now is a criminal record that you have to write down the rest of your days on job applications. Or all the energy you need for school going to some lame diversion program because you get caught doing something petty and self destructive. The kind of “help” offered after such events is not what you want. You will just be labeled “dishonest” rather than “needs guidance.” No one will care much if you are “misunderstood.” </p>
<p>I don’t believe that your vision of yourself includes being labeled a thief. </p>
<p>Believe in that optimistic vision you had of your future when you were doing such good work in high school. You truly don’t have to feel this badly much longer if you use help available to you. Many kids arrive on campus with family of origin issues. Your depression is making you tunnel visioned right now. open your mind and spirit to healing and getting better. exercise, find a couple self help books, try to have a higher opinion of yourself and of others. See a medical doctor if you return to your counselor and make a choice to get healthy again. you are so worth it.</p>
<p>truly concerned.</p>