For most of high school I was depressed but didnt start seriously improving until senior yearl. My grades were not that great and ended up with a 3.2. I didn’t have any friends to grow up with in that time either. I was positive, happy and optimistic about having an exciting college experience at Utah state university with their aviation program to fly professionally in the airlines. I did make a female friend that I really liked from HS and we we’d talk almost every other day about our college. But being a liberal atheist from California going to conservative Mormon Utah I felt extremely out of place and excluded. My roommates were a combination of freshman and seniors. (I had an apartment style dorm) Two of them were Chinese seniors that no one ever spoke to. Two of the sophomores were negative about their experience and just kept talking down about the social experience and my roommate was a Mormon that was extremely lazy. Once I started to believe all of the negativity that the social scene is dry I started to withdraw myself socially and then I became negative. I didn’t enjoy many of my classes and my grades just took an extreme ammout of punishment. I just could not motivate myself to look on the positive side because I convinced myself that there was no experience to be had.
It got to the point where I really hurt my ONLY friend emotionally To where we could not be friends anymore. I have been regretting it ever since. It’s been three years and I am still not able to get over what I did to her. To make it worse she also came back after the first year and I see her almost every other day. After freshman year I decided to transfer because I thought that it would have been the best decision to leave. I went to CC and none of my credits transferred from usu. My grades were better at CC but not what I would have really wanted to safely transfer to a better school. I got 9 Bs with 4 Cs. I was still feeling depressed but it was not as bad as the first experience.
I wanted to continue flying near home because of the kind of connections and experiences out here but finding a school was yet again difficult. I have made friends all of which were made outside of school. I am now at Menlo college in Menlo park and yet again I ended up in a social environment that I just can not stand. People cheat, there are morons that I would expect to fail classes in high school and I feel like the school is way too expensive for what it is worth. The campus is old and some of the professors instruct in a way that just does not make me trust their experience with what they are teaching. I feel worse than I did before and I had my WORST semester where I was actually consciously aware with four Cs and one B.
I am seeing a therapist but it has gotten to the point where I just don’t trust school anymore. As much as I LOVE to learn I just feel like there isnt any value in this. I seriously feel hopeless. I have one year left and I am probably stuck here.
Does any one have any thoughts?