<p>Well some of you know my dh had a heart attack on 2/12…after years battling this health issue, we were freaked out to find out they couldn’t repair his heart. At this point, after 22 yrs of many many treatments, and lots of personal history in between…My dh is severely depressed (not a doc, but u dont need one to see this). He is really out of it…sees now hope, etc. I spoke to his cardio, who already had him on an antidepressant. The dose was increased, but because of his condition, they have to be careful.</p>
<p>I am actually having alot of trouble trying to keep his spirits up. Things are falling down around us, and he just collapses with whatever happnes. I am not used to this from him. I guess the biggest loss is his partner, who is in full blown alzheimers now:( His wife is being cut-throat in the biz…its gotten ugly.</p>
<p>I guess I’m venting…but I am scared. He wont wont wont go to a shrink, though i know it would help…so his cardio gives him zoloft…ugh…we arent ever sure that is working…but at this point, they all think I am overly concerned, and look at mel ike a helicopter wife:(</p>
<p>papagena, in addition to getting help for your husband, please consider seeking some help for yourself. If you attend a church, speak to a pastor. Or your doctor can recommend a support group or a counselor. They may have practical advice that will help you help your husband. Stay positive.</p>
<p>thank you lilmom…ironically, i am the one in the family who is “fragile”. I’ve been seeing a doctor, meds…etc…I actually was getting so much better…ready to take on the world again…but, u kind of nailed it…i have a terrible time with depression:( It really did start after my kids were born, but I was never diagnosed with post partum…</p>
<p>that isnt even important right now. I have massive panic attacks, but i am trying so hard to deal without medication…and its working</p>
<p>when dh had this last heart attack…i dunno…all my reserves crumbled
we have issues with his biz partner who’s got alzheimers…so his wife is in hi place…and…woah
bi)tch isnt even the word…lol
what hurts me most is to see my decent husbnad crumble</p>
<p>his self esteem is so low he wont even protect himself, or fight
he was saying…ur right, ur ribht…ur right…
after the meeint i was …uh…dh…she was wrong wrong wrong…why wount u stand up for urself?</p>
<p>yes…thank you…i do need help for my ownself…i do thank you for thinking of me…as i obsess about how to protect my dear guy…argh~~
he’s 10 yrs older then me…which is now his big self demeaning trend
i’m sooooo old for u
icant help u
blah blah blah</p>
<p>I understand. My DH prides himself on his strength, his athleticism – played all sorts of sports in HS, college, and beyond – still plays squash, tennis at least once a day. Several years ago, he fainted, and his doc thought it might have been a heart attack. 24 hrs in the CCU. The depression was extraordinary – his entire view of himself was destroyed. (Turns out it wasn’t a heart attack, but that’s beside the point --)</p>
<p>So I completely understand what you and your DH are going through. </p>
<p>And – what’s the problem with taking medication?? Why are you and your H so opposed? Many people still have the point of view that depression is something you can overcome through willpower, and that’s just not the case. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking medication to deal with a chemical imbalance.</p>
<p>First {{{HUGS}}}. This is HARD, what you and DH are going through. Either situation for your DH would be terrible by itself. So a double helping of terrible is really heavy.</p>
<p>Two points… I’ve been following and know that you have good cardio Dr. That Dr. <em>should</em> be aware that almost ALL heart attacks spawn depression. Something in the chemicals as I understand it. The great cardio units treat depression as one of the expected symptoms. If your Dr. and/or hospital/staff isn’t stepping this treatment up… you need to tell them how far off the rails your H has gone. He may be putting on a brave front for them. Do you go into the appointments with him? If not, just catch them for your point of view. They need to know.</p>
<p>Second point. This hasn’t been very long since your first post about the bad news. If DH’s mood continues to go down, obviously, you need more help. But if it is just a time of processing all this trouble and you and he can work through it together, it might get better with just a little time. Is your H one who is a fighter? So that this being down is a change, maybe you can encourage him to get up and fight some more. I know it is hard, but if he can change his feelings of fragility by taking some action, then that feeds on itself.</p>
<p>So glad you are getting help and hope cyber hopes can reach you and buoy your spirits.</p>
<p>Papengena, you have had such a load to carry on your shoulders during your husband’s health crisis; but you can’t do it all by yourself. Both of you must be emotionally and physically exhausted. </p>
<p>I strongly encourage you to revisit the topic of medication to manage your depression. You need to be able to function during this on-going crisis, and there is no shame in taking medication to help. You also need to focus on taking care of yourself. Otherwise you will deplete all of your reserves focusing on your husband’s needs, and that’s not helpful for either of you.</p>
<p>If your husband won’t seek mental health help for himself, how about presenting it as something he needs to do to help you. Wouldn’t he go to counseling (maybe with you, if he wouldn’t go alone) if he understood that you are struggling and you need him to partner with you in fixing this problem? if he understood that this is what he needs to do to take care of you and your children (if taking care of himself is not a motivator for him right now)?</p>
<p>PG- also keep in mind, even if you had not personally been dealing with anything, it is hard enough for all of us to keep ourselves upbeat, let alone to feel responsible for the emotions of others.</p>
<p>MY DH and one particular DD always have had very strong emotions and I seriously had to disconnect a bit from trying to ‘cheer’ them up, can’t really be done, they had to learn to cheer themselves up. Now, of course, I am not talking about clinical depression and brain chemistry, just about general outlook on life. But, if that was hard for me, how much more difficult for you to try to ‘happy up’ some one who is chemically depressed??!</p>
<p>Try to maintain your own strength and control by realising you cannot make it all better, you need to be in touch with his doctors and the only thing you can really do is encourage the meds if they are needed</p>
<p>OH… thats very tough. It is hard NOT to be depressed when life is dealing you a tough hand like that. I am just like you–when my husband was going through a bought of clinical depression a few years back, I suffered from some severe anxiety attacks. I can not imagine adding the strain of a heart condition to that mix. It sounds like you are doing everything you can for your dear husband. Take care of yourself as well.</p>
<p>Post cardiac depression is a very VERY common syndrome. Your H’s cardiologist may hopefully know a psychologist or psychiatrist with specialty in this area. Pleae ask him/her for a referral. </p>
<p>Some posters have been speaking unkindly about mental health professionals in other threads. Please ignore those and get you and your husband the support and help that you need/deserve. These are tough times. You deserve to have tools, resources and skills to handle them as best you can.</p>
<p>Look for information on Cardiovascular Regenerative Medicine. There have been some trials regarding this technique. Reader’s Digest had an article about is last January or February 2008.</p>
<p>Also ask your cardio specialist about the field - they might need to read up or it or find additional information.</p>
<p>You have my deepest sympathies on your hard times. </p>
<p>Life sometimes seems to get you with one-two-three punches and then you can either choose to get up, or you can lie there and wait to be counted out…</p>
<p>Don’t lie there. </p>
<p>You’ve asked us for help. Now ask professionals who know you and can help you. See the psychologist/social work/fitness therapist… and follow their advice. </p>
<p>Thank you all for some great suggestions. I read the links you all posted. I know that its not uncommon to have depression post heart attack, but this time its very different. He has always recovered quickly and really went back to work, within days of coming out of the hospital. This time, since they didn’t really do anything to treat him, other then new meds, he is way way more down then ever before. I will talk to him about seeing a counselor or at least telling his cardiologist that his depression is serious.</p>
<p>I agree about getting outside, even if he can’t walk very far. Maybe drive to somewhere beautiful and get some fresh air. Try getting him to listen to some music he loves. Even if he gets only a few minutes of distraction from it, that is better than nothing.</p>
<p>I was wondering if there is a support group online for folks that are in similar circumstances to him. When things were very bleak in the past year for someone close to me, and the Dr’s only gave very pessimistic information I looked and looked for only hopeful stories on the internet. Those are the ones I printed out and read, and gave to the family of the sick person. I know having reason for optimisim helped all of of tremendously, and even though statistically things were grim there are always people who have good outcomes with the odds against them. Focusing on possible good scenarios is not bad medicine in my mind, even if it just takes the hurt away for a little while.</p>
<p>Mostly, I just want to offer positive healing thoughts sent in your dear one’s direction.</p>
<p>This is a new normal and it sounds like he is grieving his old normal. That’s normal. Letting go of who you were can be very sad and overwhelming. But in order to focus on what you can do, you’ve got to get through it. He deserves all the help and support he can get to do that and I hope he can start to perhaps look at it that way.</p>
<p>You deserve help and support as well. In fact, you need to seek it out to remain as healthy as you can possibly be. </p>
<p>You are both going through a really tough time. I wish for you peace and better days.</p>
<p>Regarding exercise for DH: Be very careful to follow Dr. orders on how much and what type of exercise DH should engage in…After a heart attack there is a period of time (can’t remember exact time) a few weeks after the attack where the dead tissue is being replaced with scar tissue and is actually weaker for awhile and easier to rupture…</p>
<p>Regarding antidepressants for you: No shame in that… a few years ago while in nursing school- lack of sleep and stress from school about got the better of me…There’s this little chemical in the brain that when you get stressed just gets used up faster than you can produce it…For me I started having my throat constict several times a day anytime anything remotely stressful happened…I started isolating myself (ex. out to dinner with husband and daughter…restaurant was noisy…I had to wall myself off mentally from everything to get through dinner)…Knew I had a problem so made an appointment with Dr. …Blood pressure was elevated…all I wanted to do was cry…Dr. gave me a prescription for very low dose Klonopin which was to get me through the period until the Lexapro, that he also prescribed, kicked in…Dr. stated that he usually liked to use the Lexapro for a minimum of 6 months…However, after about 3 I found myself so much better and would start forgetting to take it…So at that point knew I no longer needed it and weened myself back off…you NEVER want to stop cold turkey…weened slowly…consult your DR…I’m not one… but that saying…the Lexipro was the best gift I could have given myself…What it does is take that little chemical in your brain (you know the one you can’t manufacture fast enough when under extreme stress) and makes what you have work longer before being reabsorbed… Learned in mental health rotation that anxiety if not taken care of can and will turn into depression.</p>
<p>All sorts of good suggestions. Meds can help, but it can take literally weeks for the full effect. Definitely get into a local support group- your H’s doctor’s office should know of any. Talking to others in your situation can help, you are sure to find someone to help you through the roughest spots. My very best wishes- PM me anytime.</p>