I was bright, but not too motivated. Did fine (aside from a rocky 9th grade year) in the college prep classes, but probably would have benefitted from being in higher level (honors or AP) courses, if for no other reason than to be surrounded by motivated peers.
I had friends…initially a cast of kids from the island of misfit toys (an eclectic mix of the goths/punks, burnouts and deadheads and theatre kids), but in 10th grade I became close to the girl who sat in front of me in homeroom, who was as different from me as possible (in all the superficial ways)…top of the class, involved in everything, widely considered a “good” girl from a strict Hindu household. We became the best of friends (still to this day) and our circles of friends merged. I think popular adjacent is the perfect term.
I was not involved in much at all as far as extracurriculars, aside from hanging out with my friends.
I “dated” (I’m using that term here and now, but it was not a term that would have ever been used back in the day - you were “hanging out with” someone or you were a couple). Some “hanging out with” situations in 10th and 11th grade, and then my first boyfriend (who broke my heart) in 12th grade.
Overall, HS was ok. I had some good times and still have a few close friends from all the way back when. But yes, college was a completely different ballgame and I’ve never really looked back since.
One other thing of note…I was a sleepway camp kid (from age 10-19) and there’s a phrase that was popular amongst camp kids…”live 10 months for 2”, which really rang true for me. At camp I was a completely different person…”popular”, always had a boy on the line, involved and spirited…I’m not sure my high school classmates would have recognized the version of me that existed every June-August.
I’ve never been to a summer camp in my life - but I did love watching movies about them! It’s fascinating to me how different those 2 months were for you than the regular school year.
If I wrote this post three times I’d probably write it with a different emphasis each time. I went to a large HS (800 kids per grade level) so it was an anonymous experience. I was quiet and didn’t have a lot of friends. Especially because the school boundary lines formed almost a 4 mile radius and we lived literally on the street that was the boundary. So a lot of the kids were more than 6 miles away which might as well have been 60; never saw them outside of school. But geography wasn’t everything, I’m sure my introverted nature had a lot to do with it. I was pretty clueless with girls and never went to a prom. I still remember to my chagrin the friends of one girl asking me about prom plans senior year and what I thought about “Kathy”. In retrospect they were hinting I should ask her but I was too oblivious to understand. Most kids seemed happy and like they had it together although one girl who was in many of my classes committed suicide in her twenties to my shock; I guess you never know people’s internal world and I feel sad she missed out on so much of life.
In HS I didn’t know what it meant to study. I thought if you did the assigned homework and re-read the chapter the day of the test that’s all you were supposed to do, yet I managed to get good grades for the most part. I was in the group of 40 or so kids that were in Honors and then AP classes. I don’t remember any inspiring teachers; what I do remember is walking by the teachers lounge and when the door would open cigarette smoke poured out! Don’t know how they breathed in there. Counseling was non-existent; the four or so counselors spent all their time on the kids with discipline or academic issues. I never once met with a counselor and don’t know if I even had one assigned TBH. My favorite class was physics, it was fun to start with a word problem and be able to come up with an exact answer. Least favorite was PE because I wasn’t particularly athletic.
I wonder how the scars of junior high/middle school translated into the insecurities many of us brought to high school. Junior high was brutal for me. I was teased and made fun of by mean kids, girls mostly, who made me feel ugly, awkward, and odd for being smart. I felt shunned. However, I entered a brand new high school with a largely different set of kids because the district boundaries were redrawn to ensure the success of the experimental open-concept school. Without the old bullies, the daily meanness stopped, so I no longer dreaded going to school each day and was not afraid to try a few new things. I became a gymnast, competed on the forensics team, and as I became less shy, my friend group grew. Also, at this school, it was cool to be smart, so no one was made to feel nerdy. And then time took care of another issue – by junior year, I had become quite pretty and dating and dance partners came easily. If I’m honest looking back, I was popular enough those last two years of high school, but it didn’t feel that way. The old self-image burned in junior high was always there regardless of what I saw in the mirror. It took a long time and a lot of affirming experiences to erase that damage (thank you, Michigan/DH), though I’m not sure all of those scars are completely gone.
My dad got sick my sophomore year, and died my junior year. So yeah, high school wasn’t the best time for me.
I recently - finally! - threw away my high school yearbooks, after tearing out the pages I was in. I forgot how active I was in just about everything I could join. I was even on the tennis team, even though I couldn’t really play very well but being a small school it was no cut lol. I even earned my letter senior year.
I was a pretty good student, even though I marched into the guidance officer on the first day of senior year and dropped calculus lol. I still ended up being valedictorian. There was drama with National Honor Society (it was a big deal back then at my school). So even though I qualified my sophomore year I didn’t get in until spring of senior year, after class ranking was solidified and I was accepted into the honors program of my university. I’m still a little bitter over teachers making it so political, to be honest.
I didn’t date. I had a tight little group of friends that I haven’t seen since graduation. To be honest, middle school was worse than high school. I was bullied/harassed from middle school into high school thanks to a group of girls and one particular boy. I was telling my youngest about the harassment from the boy and she’s like “oh that is a red flag they would deal with immediately today.”
So, in retrospect, I’m kind of proud of my high school self. I tried stuff I had no hope of being a superstar in (tennis). I took care of myself when my family had bigger things to deal with. And when I went back for my 10 year reunion, I was no longer the nerd. I have not been back for a reunion since, but sometimes will see classmates who never left town when I go to visit family.
You make a very good point about jr. high. We moved in the middle of 7th grade, from a small adjacent town I grew up in and knew everyone. The new school was huge, and I really struggled to find friends that first year or so. I wasn’t nor did consider myself “pretty “ until the 9th grade when I got contacts and cut my hair. That was such confidence booster, but that first 18 months really did a number on my self confidence. 9th grade was much better, then we left for South America as I said above.
Coming back to that environment was a little disheartening and even more so because again, I was walking into a place everyone had already started.
We couldn’t afford camp–I did a few Girl Scout camps and made lifelong friends from those in 9th grade. Still see two of the girls from that time period over 50 years ago! Our kids have become friends. Long term camps weren’t a “thing” around here anyway. I did summer fun every summer from grade school until I was a leader after my 1st year of law school! It was a program sponsored by the city to keep kids busy and active and “free” day care for busy parents for kids K-6th grade. After that you had to apply to be a JR leader or were on your own.
I hope that I don’t detail this thread, but I am having a thought.
Anyone else notice how we all have written about troubles or triumphs, and we almost never mention our parents? I wonder whether kids today would write in the same way, or would it be “I didn’t get into NHS until my mom went up to school to complain”? Or, “I didn’t get much playing time until dad talked to the coach.”
I know my parents had absolutely no role in my HS life AT ALL. They couldn’t have told you the names of my teachers or even what classes I was taking. That doesn’t appear to be happening today. And just to be clear, in my case my parents needed to be a little more involved, because then maybe I wouldn’t have been drinking with the theater kids freshman year.
I think if my classmates would describe me it would be “ nice, smart, pretty , quiet”. I wasn’t really quiet but I was not very social because my parents were extremely strict. My first 3 years of HS I was allowed to do almost nothing socially. HS offered no sports for girls ( right before Title IX), parents did not allow me to do chorus ( academic classes only!), so my only activities were a few clubs. I was in Pep Club but not allowed to ride the Pep Club bus to out of town games. Not allowed to date until the very end of Junior year. Not allowed to go to parties. I did have a part time job at a pharmacy in my town and I liked my job.
Things finally loosened up Senior year. I was allowed to do the things my friends could ( I had a great group of “ popular adjacent “ friends). I also had a boyfriend so I was able to attend homecoming dance and prom.
I attended community college ( for financial reasons). When I got there my friends and I ended up being part of a larger group who were very social and I also dated a lot. My confidence, which was sorely lacking in HS soared. Transferred to a 4 year school, immediately pledged a sorority and had a blast. My grades were lower than they should have been because I was too busy being the cool, popular girl I wanted to be in HS. I loved those days.
Ha, @FallGirl! Your description of your early HS years describes me and why I posted upthread that I should have been voted “Most Likely to End Up in a Convent.” I didn’t smoke, drink, swear, mess around, or push any boundaries whatsoever. I graduated with every hair in place. I loosened up a bit in college where I drank my first glass of wine but didn’t attend a single party or athletic event and didn’t miss a single class. I’m trying to loosen up a bit in retirement.
So funny you said that. Earlier today I was picturing how I had a set up in my room with a typewriter propped up on an extra bed that used to be my sisters and then my bed as my “chair” where I spent hours typing out all sorts of writing papers/projects. My parents were totally hands off besides report card time, lol and had really no idea how I spent my time doing homework, my classes etc. Ot was job to do school and guess what, I handled it!
I actually think about this a lot. My generation, GenX, is the latchkey generation. Parents, my own included, had so little involvement in our lives when we were in school. And yet so many of the helicopter and snowplow parents tend to be these former latchkey kids. I suppose we are overcompensating for the parenting we lacked and wished we had had. Hopefully our kids will be able to find the middle ground once they become parents.
One of my best friends from high school did this, too - It was a for special edition called something like “Women of the Ivy League” (she attended Brown). It was a one-off photoshoot, though, not something ongoing. Ha, and another friend from high school ended up as the zookeeper at the Playboy Mansion.
Yes, as a Boomer, I was pretty much a “free range” child. No pre-arranged playdates, curated learning experiences… Rode my bike everywhere, just needed to be home by dinner. Parents checked my report cards, asked about homework but no tiger or helicopter parenting. Did make me apply to several Ivies, but did not review any applications. Do not consider my spouse or myself as tiger or helicopter parents, but we spent a lot of time taking kids to various activities and definitely guided them through the college application process.
My dad was not in my life at all because my parents divorced when I was a baby. And my hippie mom moved away to live on a dope farm when I was 14 and left me to fend for myself. So yeah, my parents definitely had no role in my HS life!
I was a punk rocker, but also a weird nerd that spent tons of time in the library reading old obscure books, and played D&D (not many girls did that back then). I lived in a shared house with other punk types, and supported myself by doing typesetting during the night shift so that I had freedom during the days. Since I “attended” a hippie high school with no requirements, I didn’t really have to show up there at all, so I spent lots of time practicing with my weird nerd punk band (for which I played drums, mandolin, and glockenspiel), or going to the beach, or writing poetry in my backyard.
When I went off to college, it was a huge culture shock hanging out with nice suburban upper middle class kids. I felt like I had been raised by wolves.
Edited to add: I am not rebound-overcompensating-helicoptery with my kids at all. Although I’m happy to be able to provide them with opportunities I didn’t have, in general I’m one of the most hands off parents I know!
I grew up in a single parent household and my mom was a working mom. I lived in a suburban area where the moms didn’t work, and no one else’s parents were divorced.
My mom was really not present for me most of high school. She did come to the choir concerts, but really that was it. One of my best friends offered to drive her to my HS graduation…so she was at that.
I had terrific friends in high school, thank goodness. And some of their families were my surrogate parents.
I will say…I liked HS mostly because of Choir, but I loved college.
