Desperately Need Advice From Parents

Parent Cafe
1

<p>A girl I’m very close friends with was raped about a month ago. For one of her science classes, she had an assignment due very early in the morning. She was pulling an all nighter in her dorm room and was afraid of falling asleep. The whole night she was in contact with an acquaintance in the same class (by phone). Around 2am she decided she would walk over to the building where she would need to turn in the paper (figuring if she fell asleep, she would be right next to the classroom). However, since it was very late at night she decided to call the guy she knew in class to escort her over to the building. They both went up to an empty classroom in the science building (right next door to the place where the project was due). They were working/chatting and then the guy stared at her and tried to kiss her. She brushed him away and he got angry. He then overpowered her and ripped off her jeans and raped her. She started crying and he eventually let her go.</p>

<p>My friend is very religious, a virgin, and was saving herself for marriage. She was very traumatized about the situation. She went to the women’s center who gave her emergency contraception and to test her for STDs. Unfortunately, after the situation occurred she felt disgusting and took a long shower trying to clean everything off him. She never got a “rape kit” at the hospital and there is essentially no evidence except his word/her word. I pushed her to file a police report with the campus police and she did. However, they don’t think they have enough evidence to prosecute the case (they basically made a file with his name – and if another girl on campus gets raped by him they may do something).</p>

<p>I feel incredibly helpless in the whole situation. She has nightmares, she gets sick thinking about, and its deeply effecting her parents as well. She doesn’t like talking about it and I always feel bad bringing it up. But I really believe she should get a restraining order. I want her to be safe and I think it would help her to get closure by knowing the guy can’t come near her. It also drives me crazy this monster essentially got away with such a brutal crime.</p>

<p>How difficult is it to get a retraining order? Do you need a lawyer? Do you have to testify at a court? Is it expensive? Would it be worth it?</p>

2

<p>I don’t think you can get a restraining order unless there is some evidence that there is something to be restrained against. Unfortunately your friend does not have evidence that he has been stalking her, has abused her, raped her, etc.
Your friend should seek counseling as soon as possible, preferably with a counselor who is a member of the same religion and can understand her religious beliefs. Her pastor/priest/rabbi might be able to recommend someone. She most likely needs help for post traumatic stress disorder (nightmares can be a sign of this) and also grief counseling for the loss of the self she wanted to save for marriage. Counseling by the right therapist can be a life saver.</p>

<p>In the meantime, you can also be a good friend by listening to her without trying to fix her; by being patient and not telling her she should just get over it (as some people do); by reassuring her that she it wasn’t her fault. Not everyone can do this - but I hope that you can. Hang in there!</p>