Let me start by saying college essays are not my forte. I am a pretty good writer when it comes to writing English papers and science reports. But when it comes to talking about myself or adapting to the college admissions essay style, I just can’t do it. My college app writing is boring, unmemorable, and wordy. I wanted to make this essay perfect, but I found myself unable to do it. After agonizing and procrastinating over it for a while, I finally just sat down and did it tonight. This is the unpleasant result. . .but at least its a start. . .
So yes. I already know what’s wrong with it. . .like I said, its relatively boring, unmemorable, and wordy compared to many of the essays I’ve read. But I’d like to hear the professional opinion of my fellow CC’ers on it all the same. More importantly, if anyone has any advice on fixing the problems on this essay, that would be of much more use to me since I can’t seem to emulate the style colleges are looking for.
One more note. . .this essay is 589 words, the word limit is 500 words. From what I heard, 550 is the safe max limit, so I would like to get rid of 39 words. If anyone can find any unnecessary things to omit (as I’m sure they’re are, I’m just bad at cutting down my work), that would really help me out. And no, i’m not getting rid of the commercialism part
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By the way, is there another acceptable synonym for father?
<h2>All right, here it is:</h2>
Topic: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
Superhero. Genius. Titan. As a youth, I truly believed that my father epitomized all of these ideals and more. While I have gradually lost this quixotic perception of my father as time progressed, I still believe he has been the single greatest positive influence in my life. I firmly feel that the success of a person is the product of his or her own abilities in addition to a supportive environment that fosters development. My father has undoubtedly played an integral role in the latter, helping me cultivate the conception and pursuit of my aspirations.
One of my earliest memories I have of my father is when we used to play with my letter block set when I was about three years old. Noticing my curiosity, he decided to test the tides by teaching me how to read elementary words using the blocks. Little did he know how well his experiments would succeed; by the age of four, I would refer to items by their brand names, such as Kelloggs Corn Flakes instead of cereal. Ignoring what this idiosyncrasy says about the commercialism of the times, it established that I knew how to read on a basic level well before my peers. Inspired by this success, my father decided to teach me some basic arithmetic well before I entered my first classroom. I recall the joy and pride I had when he would put a check mark on the problems I answered correctly. My father instilled in me the desire to learn at an early age, and since then I have been enthusiastic about my studies. Moreover, this zeal has been reinforced throughout my academic career by my fathers stress on the importance of education in order to succeed in life.
How many times does the average human heart beat in a lifetime? Why is the sky blue? How does your eye see? My father would constantly ask such probing questions in my youth, and he would refuse to take an answer before I thought about it for some time. My hypothesis would probably be wrong (albeit cute), and when he was satisfied, he would tell me the correct answer. Nevertheless, through these thought experiments, I was challenged to think independently and creatively in order to impress my parent. Gradually, when I could fare against my father in wit, my father and I would engage in thought inspiring and heated debates that I believe catalyzed my confidence and individualistic mentality. We would argue over controversial topics without hesitation, such as our role in the universe, the clash between scientific progress and ethics, economic and social issues, etc. Furthermore, despite the fact that I am the descendant of three generations of doctors on my fathers side, he did not complain and, in fact, supported me when I showed an interest in computer science. I feel it is my fathers encouragement of freedom and creativity of thought and expression that has allowed my mind to develop freely.
<h2>My father has constantly sacrificed time and effort from his busy schedule as a doctor and a husband to fully aid me in my endeavors. Attending my concerts and events, driving me where I need to go, and providing invaluable advice when needed all of these have allowed me to do the best that I can and expand on my horizons. Perhaps he has best supported me through his calm and lucid manner of solving dilemmas even in times of crisis, a trait that I believe has slowly but surely rubbed off on me.</h2>
So yes, criticize away. Thanks in advance for everyone’s help.