<p>We moved freshman S in Wednesday at a college 50 miles away. I got a call from him about a half-hour ago, saying that one of his late-launching friends was having a going-away party at 5 p.m. and was there any way we could get him there. I said “Son, we hadn’t planned on your coming home so soon.” He said it was OK but sounded disappointed - I went in and talked to my H about it (while S was still on the phone, saying it was no big deal). In the meantime, S said it was OK and that he wouldn’t come home. He sounded so torn and I just didn’t know what to do. I called him back to make absolutely sure he didn’t want to come home (even though I really didn’t think he should come) and he said it was OK, he was going to stay at school. I still feel bad - did I do the right thing by encouraging him to stay at school, or should I have gone to get him, no questions asked?</p>
<p>Yes, you did the right thing. He can concentrate on adjusting to his new surroundings. Not only that - there is no reason for you to be his private chauffeur. You don’t want him getting in the habit of expecting you to jump in the car and drive 50 miles when he wants to come home. Relax and enjoy your day.</p>
<p>wrong, you didnt give him a car so he could come back, and it is the last time he will get to see all of his friends together possible eveer. You should have let him see his friendds, now he will be discouraged and sad his first week of school, causing him to be moppy and sad, so he wont make any friends, then he will be even more sad, then he will lose track of his classes and flunk out. </p>
<p>pllease tell me at which point in the story i lost you.l</p>
<p>hahaha</p>
<p>He was just testing your limits.</p>
<p>There is no right/wrong answer to this. If you are ambivalent, ask him how important it is to him and reconsider.</p>
<p>I don’t think you have any reason to feel guilty. Since your son is still physically close, I think it is a good idea to establish, from both points of view, some boundaries.
Based on your screen name, I wonder if your son is at his school early for sports preseason?
In my daughter’s experience, team captains often have a lot of outside-of-practice time bonding activities planned. (That might just be a “girl” thing,though-no experience with male college athletes.)</p>
<p>I would have done the same thing.</p>
<p>Wait…he called with two-hours notice to ask if you could get him to a party?</p>
<p>No way would I have gone to get him. I would have suggested that had he mentioned this going-away party BEFORE he had left, you might have been able to find a way to make it work…but to ask you to drop whatever you were doing, hop in the car and come get him for a party? Nope.</p>
<p>You did the right thing. And by tonight, while you are still worrying about it, he will have forgotten that he called…</p>
<p>mccormick, Even though I laughed at your post, please remember that it’s hard on us parents to stop taking care of our kids and we feel guilty if we say ‘no’ out of convenience. Hence, all the hand wringing.</p>
<p>You did a reasonable thing. I would say “the right thing” but of course that is a bit too black and white of an answer.</p>
<p>I agree if this was in the cards for a long while and planned ahead, perhaps you could have <em>considered</em> the request. But late, last-minute request seems very unreasonable. Driving 200 miles for a “going away” party just is a bit too much investment on the part of the parent at this stage. For a wedding, a funeral, or other major events (especially if pre-planned in the case of a wedding) would be another story and I would be more inclined to make it work.</p>
<p>So, let go of the parental guilt. Your son is strong and resilient and will be making dozens and dozens of new friends and making hundreds and hundreds of new memories this first year away at college. He is simply trading one set of experiences (sitting at home, home-buddies) for another set (ones based at his new college). Not bad, not good, not worse, not better. Different. Let your son wade around in the newness for awhile.</p>
<p>Btw, my son was just moved into his dorms this morning, also about 50 miles away from us. He just looked so outwardly calm but with some stress in his face as he was his putting stuff into his new dorm room–but I know he’s going to be just fine. He’s got a dorm-life, cafeteria, walking distance to any other thing he needs, and is well socialized–he’ll make new friends fast. And so will your son.</p>
<p>You did the right thing. Lots of bonding takes place those first few weekends. The fact that he didn’t press the issue shows that in his heart, he knows he belongs at his school this weekend, also.</p>
<p>It is always tempting to go home often when a college is too close by. Most bonding happens the first few weeks of school, by going home too often to hang out with old friends your son could possibly miss out on that.</p>
<p>My vote is you did the right thing.</p>
<p>I told H a little while ago “I bet you any amount of money he calls (friend who is still in town) to try and talk him into coming for him.” And guess what? It’s not my problem anymore. He doesn’t need my permission to make arrangements for himself. That’s both frightening and liberating at the same time …
He did actually mention the party in passing on move-in day, but I thought it was next Saturday.</p>
<p>There you go then. He needs to start figuring out how to take care of him and that’s just what he did. I say good job all the way around.</p>
<p>OP - You did fine. There will be plenty of times that having him close to home won’t be as convenient as you’d like yourself. (My friends with kids 20 miles away complain about that). It will all work out.</p>
<p>If he’s like the kids around our town, they’ve been together all summer. One last party is not going to make-or-break their friendship. I think you did the right thing.</p>
<p>This sounds like something my S would do. I also think you did the right thing. He needs to know he can’t make these last minute requests, and it was not a minor inconvenience for you.</p>
<p>I’m sure they’ll have some kind of get together over the holidays.</p>
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<p>That’s what I thought also…something planned in advance might be a different story. He’ll find out how much he is really asking of you when he has to ask a friend at the last mnute to spend 4 hours on the road just so he could get to a party.</p>
<p>well i think my post shows how kids think, because at first i agreed with the kid and was angry, but then i forgot about it and started to have fun…
Im sure he was mad, and then he saw someone, or started watching tv and will never think about it again</p>