<p>If so, do you regret it? Did you return to where you grew up, remain where your college was, or go somewhere entirely new? </p>
<p>I’m currently having an argument with my mother- I want to apply early action to east coast school(s)(considering Harvard, Georgetown, and BC, but going on visits first). She really wants me to do Stanford SCEA. Obviously Stanford is an amazing school and my parents both went to grad school there, so I guess that helps, but I’ve lived in the bay area for years. I was born on the Stanford campus and went to preschool/kindergarten in Palo alto. I still live in the bay now. My mom was born and raised in the very town we live in, went to a UC then Standord, loved it, etc. And that’s great for her. But I’m not her. I want to go somewhere completely new and have a new experience. My parents tell me that the alumni network will be based on the east coast, I’ll end up living there forever or I’ll move back and have no connections, that I won’t be able to handle New England weather, etc. </p>
<p>I realize that I can’t rely on getting into any of these selective colleges, but it’s more of the principle as we create a list. I wouldn’t mind theoretically living on the east coast forever-but that’s what I think now and I’m a naive teenager so I’m not sure how valuable my opinion actually is, lol. Especially considering that my siblings will most likely all stay here. Just looking for anecdotes/experiences/opinions. Is staying close to home really that important? I don’t want to regret moving to Boston or DC when I’m like 40 and my family is all here or whatever aha even though I really don’t care right now.</p>
<p>I am a big believer in going away to college. It doesn’t have to be on the other side of the country, but it should be out of your home town. A child benefits from having that four plus years to grow independant from his or her family in a safe, not-quite-grown-up environment. If you live at home, or your parents visit every week, you miss that opportunity. Regarding your exploring east coast schools, I’m all for it. You have to experience something to know whether it’s right for you. </p>
<p>To answer your question, I went to school a couple of hours from my parents house and visited home about once a month. But then I spent my senior year abroad in Paris, moved to New York City as soon as I graduated, and never looked back. If you are meant to live in the town you were born in, no doubt you’ll end up back there eventually.</p>
<p>DS went far away to college, and then to grad school. It looks like he will end up staying in the east coast.</p>
<p>Practical matters when you go far away for college: You may often need to get up very early in the morning to catch a flight, or fly redeyes in the coming years.</p>
<p>Your next job/school may be in the region where your college is.</p>
<p>You may even meet and marry your boyfriend (or girlfriend) who is from other state far away from California and when you try to find a city to settle down, your parents will “fight” hard to get you back to where they live - I did not say it is not right for them to do this; I just pointed out they might do that.</p>
<p>For certain culture, no matter how the parents “explain” it, they really do not like their daughter to go too far away for college – The thought of not being able to help her immediately in case she needs help will scare them to death. Again, I did not claim it is right or not right for them to do this; I just pointed out it may be the case that they can not help themselves but feel that way.</p>
<p>Do we regret sending DS thousands miles to college and now that he kind of “warns” us that he might stay east coast for decades? Well, not really. But we really miss him sometimes. Our next fear is that he might find a girlfriend there and settle down there forever. But it is not right for us to influence him in this regard. We keep saying to ourselves that we need to be especially nice to his future spouse so that she will allow us to access our grandson/granddaughter some day. We may cheat ourselves if we deny that she has that power once DS “marries into her family”, LOL.</p>
<p>Big deal. I came from the lovely country of Elbonia (Europe) for college and it was my own parents who pushed me up the ancient airliner’s stairs with the mandate to ‘stay there’. </p>
<p>DD1 is ‘only’ 3 hours away but her life’s plan is to end up a couple of continents away for work or more school. Likewise for DD2. If we, our parents, or ancestors made it here all the way via the Mayflower (or a Tupolev) we can only repay the favor and go away.</p>
<p>^ Isn’t it called paying forward?! (I also came from a place half a world away.)</p>
<p>My own parents never asked to stay in US. But the result is practically the same. This is what the next generation will do when they find the need to do so. (If they really want to influence them in any aspect, they had better do so only before the end of their elementary school – they have about 10 years time window to influence them.)</p>
<p>Just thought of this: There is a chance that OP’s parents themselves came from a far away place also.</p>
<p>Chances of getting into Stanford from the bay area, even as a legacy, are so slim that it would be foolish not to apply widely top top colleges across the country. Where you apply SCEA reLly doesn’t matter much. I always think CA kids should leave the state for college, the rest of the country is so different and they should understand that.</p>
<p>You can’t predict where kids will end up based on where they go to college.</p>
<p>My son went to an in-state college so close to home that he could have commuted if he wanted to (he didn’t). He now lives and works on the opposite side of the country.</p>
<p>My daughter went to an out-of-state college about a seven-hour drive from home. She now lives and works in the same metropolitan area that I do.</p>
<p>I know that I can’t rely or even slightly hope for Stanford, but it’s not just Stanford. It’s her wanting me in California no matter what, whether it’s Cal or UCD or UCSB or Mills or Claremont McKenna or whatever. </p>
<p>My mom went to southern California for college and came back. My dad grew up on the east coast, came to Stanford for grad school, and never went back. I think that’s sort of what my mom fears-that I’ll end up getting married and never coming back. I get that, but at the same time I’ve always been very independent. I don’t think it has anything with me being a girl/our culture (I’m third generation American) so much as my mom valuing having grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins nearby. </p>
<p>An I underestimating the value of a close-by alumni network and extended family? So far it sounds like most of you don’t think it would be a problem to go away, so that makes me feel a lot better. Thanks for all the opinions!</p>
<p>I didn’t. Ds1 has. I also was worried he’d find a girl and never come home, but, interestingly, he’s already said he fully intends to move back here. I still wouldn’t have let my worries keep him from going far away to college.</p>
<p>Having said that, Claremont IS pretty far from SF, so it doesn’t sound like she’s trying to keep you in a 100-mile radius or anything. A little flexibility there.</p>
<p>I’m not limiting where ds2 is looking either. I’d love for him to stay in-state, but I won’t have a problem is he goes to either coast.</p>
<p>I went to college 2 1/2 hrs. away at an in-state private college in the Midwest. For grad school I applied to Texas, UCLA and WashU in St. Louis (for a fellowship). I ended up going to Europe instead. When I returned, I applied to Purdue, Illinois and Indiana.</p>
<p>Son went to college 14 hours away from us by car. He is now 9 hours away by car, but in a different part of the country from his university. It is where the job was.</p>
<p>I went to college a 2 day drive away. Once I drove out of the driveway I never went back to that house and had zero intention of ever returning to live in that area or state. Just after I moved out my parents moved from there and moved to yet another state even further away from me. </p>
<p>I knew I’d never remain living in the state I was going to college (no desire) and upon grad got a job in the state I always wanted to end up in and I’m still in the state. I moved every few years of my life to a different part of the world so I didn’t think twice about going far away to a new area for college and then again for a job. I think it’s a good thing if that’s what the person wants.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t choose a college based primarily on the alumni network. I think a person can do fine without an alumni network, especially if graduated from H or S or similar colleges, but realistically grads of colleges like H and a number of others have alumni across the country. HYPSM… aren’t exactly regional colleges.</p>
<p>I think you should go where you want to go as long as the financials work out. You bring up good points. Deep down your parents must realize you can do just as well if you go to the eastern colleges and that there’s a chance you might not even be accepted to S. Just because you attend college in the east doesn’t mean you can’t get a job in the west upon grad. </p>
<p>I think what it really comes down to is that your parents are just concerned about how much they’ll miss you while you’re gone and that you might end up deciding to live back there afterwards. this is likely about emotions - not practical issues even if that’s what they raise in the conversation. Acknowledge that and reassure them that you understand and you have some of the same emotions but you feel that you want to have the experience of spreading your wings a bit and experience a new area.</p>
<p>You might want to make sure you also apply to some other colleges in CA outside of the bay area - maybe UCLA, UCSD, one of the Claremont colleges, USC, etc. where you can still live away from home and experience a somewhat new area even if you end up not heading east.</p>
<p>Definitely go ahead and apply to the colleges you want, see what results in terms of acceptances and finAid, and then discuss it more with your parents at that time when you have more concrete info as to the particular college, cost, and area.</p>
<p>In our family, nearly all of us went to grad school 2500 to 5000 miles away from our home. To most folks’ astonishment, nearly all of us moved back to the hometown we grew up in! It has worked well for us and we were happy having the new experiences and the option to live permanently in the new places where we attended school.</p>
<p>So true. One of our kiddos went to college 2 hour drive away. That kiddo now lives 2000 miles away. The other went to college 3000 miles away and says she will return to this time zone when she finishes her current overseas assignment.</p>
<p>I went to school about a three hour drive from home…in a tiny little college town. I love about 12 hours drive from there now. It never dawned on me to stay there.</p>
<p>DH initially went to college many thousands of miles from his family who lived abroad. His FAMILY has relocated about 5 hour drive from here.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone! I feel much better about going away now. </p>
<p>My parents wouldn’t actually limit me geographically. My mom just tries to talk me out of it. The only limit I have is financial, but there are schools that can meet my budget all over the country. </p>
<p>I will certainly be applying to the UCs, some Claremont schools, maybe Stanford, Santa Clara, Occidental, etc. I would just prefer to go to New England. I have wanted to for as long as I can remember, so it’s good to hear that plenty of people have relocated a similar distance and don’t regret it :)</p>
<p>Then you should. This is your chance to try something different and see if you like it. You may decide after four years of cold winters that you really miss the west coast, and your family. Or you may find out that you love the seasons, and want to settle down in the east. I think you’ll regret not trying it.
That said, your parents are right about the chances of your not coming back. They’re also right that if you do come back, your connections here probably won’t be as strong as they would be where you went to school. But those things are not something you can know for sure right now. Now, you know you want a change. Go for it.</p>
<p>My daughter went to the east coast- wouldn’t even apply to west coast schools. (sound familiar?) She loved her undergrad experience, but thought she was ready to come back to the west coast after graduation. As it turned out, she chose the one grad school fellowship that was located on the east coast, so that was another three years east. But after grad school, she’s back here, again. </p>
<p>If you have that strong desire to experience something new, you probably won’t feel really grown up and independent until you have that experience. While I sympathize with your mom and know how hard it is to miss your kid and not know if she’ll ever be close again, I hope you can convince her to let you go. </p>
<p>Not everyone feels this wanderlust. My DS, very independent and bright as well, was very happy to attend college a little over an hour away. It was just fine for him, but it would not have been right for my daughter.
Good luck to you.</p>
<p>I went to another country for college (US to UK). I don’t regret it at all. It gave me the opportunity to be independent and make my own decisions, and learn how to solve my own problems. I’m staying in the UK for grad school, but I’ll likely move back to the US after that.</p>
<p>Where you go to university doesn’t determine the rest of your life. Your degree is what you make of it, and I’m sure your parents know that, deep down.</p>
You may use the following argument to “calm your mother down”: Your mother (and dad) is a living example that, when a couple settles down, the place they end up settling down tends to be close to the wife’s original family than to the husband’s original family.</p>
<p>Another thought: Is there any possibility that the reasons why your mom wants you to select Stanford as your SCEA school are that</p>
<p>1) both your parents are Stanford alumni (albeit a graduate school one) so it may help increase the odds (no matter how little it may be in these days)?</p>
<p>2) If you indeed get into Stanford, your parents are much more familiar with that school and they could give you a lot of help like locating education resources there? You can never find any other Stanford alumni like these two alumni who you have been living with everyday since your birth and who are so willing to help you any time. That is, the most useful alumni network is actually your own parents and any close friends they may have because of their education experiences there.</p>
<p>I thought of 1) above because of DS’s experience. DS’s very long-term private music teacher is an alumnus of an ivy professional school and she offered (without our asking) to write an additional LOR when he applied to that school. Guess what, he got into that school, and in retrospect, we think it was helpful. (There was no other “teacher” who had been so familiar with him for so many years.)</p>
<p>@moonchild thanks for describing your family. It is very similar to mine :)</p>
<p>@Spriteling wow the UK! I’m very jealous Thanks for sharing!</p>
<p>@mcat2 I don’t think that argument would work. I think they settled here more for my dad’s job anyway. Ahh well.</p>
<p>So, funny thing about both those reasons: I am also a third generation (undergrad) legacy at Harvard, and I have a closely related family member who is on the Harvard faculty. Part of why I am considering Harvard SCEA (also, yolo aha). </p>
<p>Much of the reasoning that could apply to wanting me in CA also applies there: my family member has many connections to internships in the field I hope to go into, and I also will have a makeshift home base if I end up in Boston (both of these apply whether I end up at Harvard or BC or Northeastern). </p>
<p>Anyway, you guys have greatly reassured me that moving cross-country won’t lead to major regrets when I’m middle-aged. Thanks again!</p>
with the mandate to ‘stay there’. </p>