I kind of agree with the comment that “car” level debt is not bad, but some of the debt numbers tossed around on CC are, IMO, ridiculous. If your going to get into debt you should at least have some type of plan to get out of that debt soon after college. I guess that would be another problem though.
The “no FA” range at Harvard can start at income levels considerably higher than $150k, based on its net price calculator.
Maybe people on CC aren’t willing to share that they aren’t all living perfect lives.
2008 recession hit our family like a freight train. Long periods with both of us out of work as school districts cut positions (DH) and my company filed BK and my industry was rocked.
Didn’t really get back on our feet until 2014 … and we are only just now back to the income levels we were at in 2008 pre-recession. Putting us squarely in that donut hole!
What we have saved since can never make up for those lost years.
I am guessing that given the age of our kids right now, there are more than a few that got hit right at the prime savings years of age 6-10 … at least in some parts of the country.
We were a little late to figure out that we were going to be in that hole … should have figured it out way sooner.
The question behind this thread is one of the most recurring on this site. Typically see the same cast of characters making the same points. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. I think there is something for many that keeps this topic recurring beyond answering any particular thread.
But in the many threads, there have been parents who had the money but were asking whether it was worth it to be full pay at full price schools. So the statement that the unpopular decision was the only hand to play in all of them simply isn’t true.
I know several families who had the money to send their kids to full pay/price schools. But they didn’t. For a variety of reasons. Don’t think any of them came here to poll the mob. And some of those kids were accepted at full pay/price schools. So there were multiple hands to play.
Ultimately, the answer to the question posed is “it depends.” But that is a tough answer here. There are a number of issues involved which are known only to the family involved. Tough to give good guidance without all the facts/circumstances. Limit to facts/circumstances that can be shared here.
Though I do expect this type of thread will continue to arise.
We also took the unconventional path with our kids. Yes, most of the “college talk” occurred long before applying. The “unpopular/less obvious” decision was made before they did their applications. They had strong stats and ECs in a respected school district. However my kids did not apply to expensive private universities.
We knew we would be full pay or near it with (maybe?) some merit. However, our finances made for an uncommon situation. We could afford any school without loans or hardship, but due to my DH and my upbringings (very modest) we had serious reservations on paying $240K for an undergraduate education. Our respectable in-state flagship (UIUC) would cost about $120K. Talking with our kids we could not justify the difference.
Honestly, I stressed over our decision/standpoint/values while they were pursuing their respective degrees. But now that we’ve reached the post-graduation stage, I am relieved and ecstatic with our choice and how it all played out.
Their 4 year experience away at school was quite satisfying. Their post-graduation outcomes are on a positive trajectory on so many levels.
And I’ll share that last month we learned that our DD was accepted to two M7 business schools! To top it off, her employer is sponsoring her!! I think I’m still in shock. UIUC Gies was a great decision!
We did not dictate where our children could apply but rather what we would contribute. We told them before the applications went out what our contribution would be and it was what we felt comfortable with and not school dependent. I didn’t fret about affordability as each of my kids had a safety and they knew that 2 things had to happen for them to attend, they had to be accepted and it had to be affordable. As long as the school was within budget we did have any say in where they attended beyond asked for advice. I did require them to consider added transportation and lodging (for us) costs for schools further from home. I think trying to anticipate how you might pay for something until the last minute makes for disappointment and perhaps some resentment. Good luck.
My son chose the cheapest instate college, despite having a transfer option to a top 20 school. He’s happy and so is our bank account.
@Sarrip I agree that HS seniors need parental input on college choices and parents can and should require things like admitted students visits. Hopefully, however, it was ultimately up to your son as to whether to attend JHU or Princeton - both great choices.
Most of the posts here focus on cost. I am still confused about your initial question on the “unpopular choice”. I took that as the parent dictating which school the student should attend NOT based on finances. Beyond offering information and opinion about why X is a better choice than Y, would you not allow your student to choose from her affordable options?
And@pickpocket and others, it is not only the 1% or those who lived a lavish lifestyle or didn’t save that can’t or are unwilling to spend what is now approaching $70K per year or more for a private college. Even with “merit money” those that have two decent salaries living in a high cost area don’t feel they can afford those schools without dipping into retirement savings. Those who had to pay off their own college/grad school debt, had substantial childcare costs, reduced work for one parent during early childhood years, faced unemployment, are older or many other reasons, may not have the ability to afford those costs.
Depending on how you look at it, I’m either blessed or cursed with a kid that is not all that into the college hoopla. I say cursed because sometimes it’s really hard to get him more involved in the process. I’d kind of like for him to be a little excited about the search, but he’s just not. I did the initial search and gave him a long list of options based on what we could afford. He crossed off some right off the bat for various reasons, then added one more that his school counselor suggested. He’s very practical and doesn’t seem concerned at all with things I worry about. I’m always asking him things like “Do you like the dorms here?” or “How about the campus and getting around? Are you comfortable with it being so large?” None of that seems to matter to him at all…or at least he says it doesn’t. I worry he’ll find out it does once he’s there, but I guess I have to take his word on it. He just wants a school with a good program for his major, for the lowest cost. Super practical kid. No starry-eyed college dreams at all.
@cshell2 DS21 is like that too. It can be a bit frustrating at times. I don’t know if those things really don’t matter to him or if he just can’t be bothered to figure out his preferences. I worry that due to a lack of pre-consideration he’ll end up at a school only to figure out at that point that there were criteria that mattered to him and that are not matched at his school of choice. On the other hand, maybe it really doesn’t matter to him. I do wish he were a little more invested and excited by the process though.
@mom2and - My question was not directly related to finances, however, that is the turn that the thread took which is fine. I was interested in knowing if families made the decision for whatever reason, what the reason was and how it turned out. As for my son, I wanted him to be fully informed which is the reason I did require him to visit both schools for the admitted students weekend (3 days at each back to back) even though he did not feel he needed to and it did turn the tables. He did ultimately make his own decision to attend Princeton.
DD20 could absolutely choose from the affordable options. Even though the schools may be equal in affordability, there are also other things to consider that can affect the decision (safety, EC, distance, expendable cash) and of course those things are up for discussion. When she was going to Boarding school she was offered a full 4 year academic scholarship at one and her first choice was based on a partial scholarship for year to year. We discussed the +/- of each and she decided to forgo her first choice and go with the other which she has been very happy at and couldn’t have imagined herself any place else. We did have a discussion on how often she would be able to come home, how often we will be able to visit, how much cash we be able to supply her with consistently. and we had the same discussion for college.
Thanks for explaining. That is in line with what we have done. I don’t see that as making an unpopular decision, but as providing guidance.
The decision that we make for our family is always popular with us but at times unpopular in the eyes of others which is what I was attempting to communicate.
@Sarrip If the 2 schools are Princeton and JHU as someone mentioned, I can’t imagine one would be “unpopular”. If it was us, JHU by a mile. Princeton is very small, doesn’t have a lot of fields like JHU, doesn’t have professional schools like Law, Med, etc… which is fine but if the students want a feel for professional type of school, you can’t find it in Princeton. Their Grad school is smaller than undergrad school, and undergrad is really small as is. But that’s just us. I think cost is pretty much the same for both…unless you got merit scholarship which is also extremely rare.
^ That’s not an advice by any mean - just shared my thought. You do what’s right for your family obviously. We looked at these 2 schools at length and D decided to apply to JHU instead of Princeton and she got into JHU. I would be very happy if D19 chose JHU over Cal, but oh well.
And congrats to your kiddo, it’s a huge accomplishment to get accepted to those schools.
p.s plus Princeton is 25 mins from our house and she has a few friends going there (who left our public HS school to go to Lawrenceville Boarding school which is a feeder school for Princeton). So I am sure we are a little biased 
It looks like the thread title was changed in the listing under Featured Threads:
Did You Make the Unpopular Decision of Choosing Safety Schools over the Ivies?
It is hard to see JHU being a safety (at the application stage; obviously all affordable admissions are safeties after the fact). But the changed thread title may or may not reflect the OP’s intent.
@ngatrang @ucbalumnus i believe that you may have missed some of the posts. My son who was making that decision was an 09 graduate and it was never quoted as an unpopular choice. DS was only mentioned for an example of the importance of guiding them in the selection process.
Ah okay, I was confused from post #87. Thought that is the current situation.
The title was never changed by me. It is still as I originally typed it. My first sentence does mention some of those words which might be what you are referring to. Perhaps there was another thread under a similar title that you are referring to.
This is a practical way of looking at things and it’s the way we’re approaching things as well.
At times I’m gobsmacked when I hear other parents in my town say, “if my S/D gets into their dream school we’ll just figure it out.” So, you’re gonna dip into your 401K, take out massive loans, etc? That just seems crazy/irresponsible. If you need to take out modest student loans, that’s one thing. $35K+ in debt, no thank you!
If you go to http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/categories/parents-forum/ and look under Featured Threads, you will see this thread with the modified title. Presumably, a forum administrator changed it for the listing under Featured Threads, but not in the general list of threads.