We tell kids all the time out here that where you go to college doesn’t dictate where you will end up in life – really getting at the idea that you can be very successful even if you don’t go to a name brand school. It got me thinking about the opposite – people who did get into a top school, but didn’t make a success of their lives. I have a sibling who graduated from Ross (Michigan) who spiraled downward partly due to drugs and alcohol, developed mental health issues, and committed suicide in his 40s. It was embarrassing to get a call from the school magazine asking for details of his career & life so they could run an obit (what they printed ended up being very brief). It just has me thinking – there are surely lots of students who get that brass ring in admissions, but for various reasons don’t or can’t capitalize on the opportunity.
The problem becomes, how do you define success? In the case of your brother (my sympathies) the answer is more obvious due to his unfortunate path in life. Addictions and mental health issues can make life a challenge. Others have health issues, family circumstances, and other unexpected or uncontrollable events in their lives that can be challenges. Sometimes its qualities like focus, drive, discipline and intelligence that help one succeed in life. Often, its some good luck.
I’m sorry for your loss.
It was a long time ago. But thanks. I am reading “Where You Go Is Not Who You Will Be”. And I think the title alone reminds me that it cuts both ways, even though he is focused on convincing people that you can have great success even if you don’t get into top colleges.
A man I worked with went to Wharton and then Harvard for an MBA. He went through a PhD program at a SUNY that he never completed. He taught at a small SUNY where I taught. He came into my office one day and began to talk about his life. He told me he thought he failed and proceeded to tell me about what some of his Harvard classmates were doing. ( I believe George W Bush was one of them) I told him that he probably would not have attended all of his kids sporting events ( very important to him) had he gone the route he probably could have.
Literally a few weeks after our talk, he was diagnosed with cancer and died within a year.
Although he didn’t " live up to his schools," I do think, knowing him, that had he gone for the life that probably would have resulted in more prestige, money and, what some would call, success, he would not have been as happy. I hope he realized that before he died at a young age.
I’m sorry to hear of your brother’s sad story. It sounds like it was a kind of illness, independent of where he went to school. Such a loss!
As far as your question,I think that depends on what you consider “success.” My D went to a top LAC; she did great there and graduated PBK. She loved everything about the school and feels like it had a large part in making her the person she is today. However, she works a non-profit job that does not require a degree. She doesn’t make a lot of money, but she and her husband get by, have a house, and are happy in what they do. But by some people’s lights (not mine), I guess she didn’t “live up to” her college? For me, we weren’t expecting some kind of material or professional success to come from it, so I don’t see the question that way.
My spouse went to a top college. He has not been particularly successful in life, but it has nothing to do with the college; instead, he has longstanding personality and emotional issues.
By the way, my parents went to the same college that my husband did. Neither was rich or famous but both had successful lives, as they defined it.
I am very sorry to hear about your brother, Intparent.
I went to Yale many years ago and if money is the measure of success then I fall way short, as I did not go into a high-paying field. But I took interesting classes from brilliant professors and made wonderful friends. Did I “live up to” Yale? I don’t know but I’m glad I went there. (Of course it was a lot less expensive then.)
I’m very sorry about your brother.
I know plenty of people who have received stellar educations and who have gone onto have average, undistinguished regular-Joe jobs that did not require the gold-plated degrees, or who bypassed the workplace all together to become stay-at-home moms (for example).
Nonetheless, most of them have made very good use of their educations, with interesting fulfilling lives of the mind outside of their careers. They are well-read, highly informed citizens who take pleasure in creative and intellectual pursuits. What greater use of an education could there be?
I realize that these folks may fall directly within your definition of “successful” (as they do mine) and therefore this response may not be responsive to your question.
int, sometimes I’m convinced we’re related.
My mom’s brother was accepted into UMich’s medical school after a pretty rocky high school and college path. Ended up dropping out due to addiction to drugs and alcohol and passed away about a decade ago. He died in his apartment and no one found him until his neighbors complained of a smell 
My dad’s former best friend from childhood graduated from Ross with his MBA and became a stay at home dad. There’s nothing wrong with that, obviously, but he is a SAHD who hates his life and is in a pretty miserable state both physically and mentally.
An infamous Harvard graduate became a mail bomb terrorist. He later wrote an entry for himself in Harvard’s alumni directory from his prison cell, listing his occupation as prisoner and awards as eight life sentences.
There are a lot of people who go to “good” schools, and as a result, choose paths that aren’t a good fit for them. While it might be lucrative in the short term, it’s not soul-satisfying. In the “Excellent Sheep” book, the author makes a statement to the effect that students believe “you don’t go to Yale to become a social worker” which is a tragedy, of course, if you feel that’s your calling. Most of the kids at top schools probably have the smarts and the self-discipline to do whatever they set out to do, including excel on the wrong course. And of course, there’s a lot of pressure to follow a limited number of very competitive paths.
I have more than a few friends who will not come to reunions because they feel that they haven’t lived up to the school which, several decades out, is ridiculous. One of the hazards of hearing “you can do great things”, which is a refrain around the HYPS campuses, is that you if you don’t, you believe you’re in the (sorry) minority. These schools offer a lot, but there is undeniably a cost to it all. It’s very hard to figure out who your authentic self is when your social worth is being determined by whether you got into XYZ med school, got the job at McKinsey, or won a Rhodes Scholarship.
This is probably the biggest reason that I worry for the kids posting on these boards “I’m in 9th grade, what will look better on my college application, X or Y?” It’s a soul-sucking life pattern to get into.
@romanigypsyeyes, well, we are from the same region of Michigan, I think. 
@intparent and @romanigypsyeyes – don’t tell me you were the basis for “freaks and geeks”!
I am sometimes convinced that I must be the least “successful” person in history who went to Hunter Elementary School - Horace Mann - Yale - Harvard Law School, or any or all of the above. Especially given my inability to find a permanent job for almost two years now. Then again, I’ve had a few issues to deal with in my life that have been something of a distraction, so I’d like to think that my failure to accomplish what most of my classmates seem to have achieved (at least, the ones who appear in the alumni magazines!) isn’t entirely due to lack of talent or intelligence. (I freely admit to a comparative lack of competitive drive!) Plus, I’d also like to think that I’ve been a reasonably good parent, and I certainly got to spend more time with my son when he was growing up – and have a closer relationship with him to this day – than some other people with a lot more money. So what’s more important? I wish I had more to leave him, though, but he’s not expecting much.
Wow what a depressing thread!!!
I love this thread. It’s so real.
I’m so sorry about your brother, intparent.
I think there is a huge difference between someone who chooses a lower key/lower paying path and a person who has a tragic set of circumstances (such as mental illness) which derails his/her life.
And Donna - I have followed your posts here for many years and I believe you are a very successful person in many ways.
…alumni magazines…blehhh…
My H picks up mine occasionally and asks, “What? Are all your classmates doctors or judges?” It sure seems that way sometimes…