I think it’s because instead of being at work, I am now among the ladies-who -lunch crowd and see all these women with ballet dancer bodies and the little skinny arms and tiny calves and thin waists and seriously I feel like a heifer next to them!! Ha! And it’s not as though I can console myself by bringer stronger or having more endurance as I don’t!
If I knew then what I know now, I would have put regular exercise on my docket of important stuff years ago.
PG - I also wish that I had started becoming fit earlier, but I didn’t so all I can do is move forward. As for weight loss, I have been working out much more/ eating healthier/ smaller portions etc. since November and am just seeing a small weight loss. I do feel more energetic, am more toned and just feel better about myself in general. You have done a lot of hard work and should be proud of yourself!
Yeah, I can relate to wishing I had put exercise as a priority years ago. But I think we are in the same boat - with a demanding career and kids to take care of, something’s got to give. For me exercise went out the window and if I were doing things over again I would reprioritize - looking back, I think some of the things my kids were involved in probably weren’t all that critical and I could have found ways to make time (also by getting H to do more). But all that is in the past and the best I can do now is to continue with the exercise program I’m committed to now.
You know that your years in the workforce are a lot more impressive than the ballet dancer bodies of the ladies-who-lunch. You need to compare the whole package, not just the exterior!
I get that this is a big transition for you. You are doing great!
I was fortunate to spend most of my career at a series of companies that valued exercise and fitness to the point of it being a problem for someone who didn’t hold those values. I hear you about the difference in the social “ladies”, though. In Dallas this was a huge thing- people dressed up to go to pre-school carpool and everyone was skinny and glamorous. It gave one a distorted sense of what was healthy and good. I guess my husband and I were pretty selfish about our exercise and fitness. We always made it a priority and juggled it around the kids’ activities. My daughter now tells me she respects that we did that and appreciates it. She has no tolerance for her peers who say they “can’t find the time” or who get sick all the time and miss months of exercise.
I had a terrible eating day yesterday. Once I get rolling downhill, I can’t easily stop. The homemade chocolate cupcake for someone’s birthday led to me eating all the jelly beans out of my little dispenser- and I don’t even like them that much. I felt horrible.
I have a friend with one of those ballet dancer bodies. However, she also only eats one meal a day–dinner. “I don’t eat until after 6.” Not for me, thank you.
The flip side of that is that my older sister (now 74) was (is) a professional dancer (modern dance). She’s very strong, but she also has done a two-hour “warm-up” routine every single day of her life (well, except for the months she spent in a halo brace after (literally) breaking her back). She eats whatever she wants–but honestly, food is not a big priority for her–she’s one of those people who pushes the food around and takes a few bites.
I’ve done a lot of reading about fitness past age 50 or so, and everything I’ve read indicates that it doesn’t take very long–three or four years–for those who haven’t worked out much to catch up to the people who’ve been working out all along. In a few cases, the late-to-fitness group seem to have an advantage in that they don’t have the age-30-to-40 overuse injuries that a lot of the all-along crowd have. There also seems to be more flexibility in the training–instead of “I’ve always been a runner”, the late crowd says “hmm, let me try a few things and see what works for me and what I enjoy.”
20-20 hindsight. There’s a lot of things I wish I’d done differently–never put on the extra weight in the first place is a big one–but really, there’s damn-all I can do about any of it now, except move forward.
I’ve spent most of this week in bed with what appears to be the flu. I did get vaccinated, and apparently that’s why I haven’t been even sicker than I am, but I’ve been sick enough that I consider 2000 steps in a day a huge accomplishment. This morning I put a load of laundry in! Yay for me!
Hope you get better soon!
I find that I have one day a week where I just don’t want to move - my body is saying enough. I think today is that day 
I know no one wants to talk about these things. But there are lots of women out there with disordered eating or flat out eating disorders. You can see someone and be jealous of how they look but you have no idea how they get there.
I have learned to be happy with the less than firm stomach and not the perfect body.
You don’t want to have to obsess over every bite that goes into your body. Or exercise until it’s unhealthy. Or do things that are unmentionable to obtain that perfect body. If it seems hard, it is.
Sorry, but it is hard for me to see these women and know that they are exercising hours every day and not eating. They pay a big price and many are jeopardizing their future health to look a certain way.
Yes, there are those who are naturally thin and are genetically blessed.
This is a subject no one ever talks about. You should want to be healthy for you.
^^^Clapping hands wildly.
And the last sentence.
Playing the comparison game wasn’t fun in high school or college. And it’s not now!
45 minutes on the Arc + 1.80 miles walking.
Yup – but I’m not one of them! Although I do check the numbers on the scale, I’m more concerned with how my clothes fit. Right now I’m down about 9 pounds from my “holiday high,” which is good, BUT more importantly, I feel/look more toned. I know I’ve been eating better, too. After having 2 kids, I despair of ever having a flat stomach. Sometimes I’m intrigued by the idea of CoolSculpting – but am too chicken to try it. (Plus H would say, “No way,” I’m sure.
Pizzagirl, the ladies you see at the fitness places… I expect to get bashed for what i say next, but it is what I think. If they are stay at home wives who can allow themselves and afford endless self-beautification during business hours, most likely they have been chosen for their genes to begin with. It is easier to maintain “the genes” that Mother Nature handed to you than to change them.
Personally, I know that if I get thin, I will not look like a model (been there a couple of years ago when my weight dropped to 118 because of huge stress). Short and wide-boned is what I am. Like my sister used to joke, “a skinny cow will never be mistaken for a gazelle.” Lol. So I prefer to be a fit cow who can outrun and outgarden some gazelles. 
In my younger years I did not lose weight the right way. 800 calories or less a day of “shakes” and diet foods, obsessive exercising, OTC diet pills and diuretics. That was in high school. Didn’t get better in college and I picked up smoking and drinking. Try counting calories when you’re trying to allow for happy hour. My freshman year I lived on a floor with the gentically blessed and participated in some very bizarre diet methods. Needless to say, I’ve definitely cleaned up my act, thank goodness.
There was a woman in my TRX class who had Angelina Jolie’s lips. No joke. Mr. Sabaray pointed out that if I wanted them, I could buy them too. I think I’d rather buy running shoes and Lulu.
Pilates this morning, working on side pikes now which are a lot of work, all involving your oblique muscles! I’ve been working with my awesome trainer for almost a year now - my posture is one of the biggest improvements I’ve seen. I’m never going to have a dancer’s body but I’m pretty happy with the one I have now - it’s healthy and does what I need it to do. Now if it would only run faster!
The body image obsession we have in our culture is horrible and sends such an unhealthy message, particularly to young women. I am so proud of my daughter who in her teens was so concerned about being “thin” but who as she grew into her 20’s began to value and appreciate herself for who she is. At age 26, and 5’5" and 145 lbs, she will never be considered to have a dancer’s body (although she has extensive professional dance training) but she is fit, healthy and beautiful. When I watch her work out in the gym, I am in awe of how well she knows her body, how gracefully she moves, how meticulous her form is and how strong she is. And I am so impressed with how she balances her focus on healthy living with enjoying life. As a culture, we need so badly to redefine our concepts of beauty and. A few days ago, I was at a dermatologist’s office that also does cosmetic work. They offer CoolSculpting which is a non-invasive technology that freezes and kills fat cells that are then peed out of your body like any other dead cells that get shed. It promises a minimum of a 25% fat reduction from targeted areas around the belly and waist. All of the advertising before and after pictures were either of unconditioned overweight people looking for an easy fix or of “fitness” model types looking to rid themselves of a trace of fat in their problem spots. And it ain’t cheap at $750 per treatment per spot. All I could do was shake my head in disbelief.
The disordered eating and denial drives me nuts. My MIL was the sort who would eat one meal a day or go out to eat with us and order just a salad and then eat everyone else’s fries and dessert. She lived a long life, but was more and more frail and could have felt better and hardier if only she would have accepted that her body needed fuel. And I do have friends who eliminate whole categories of food and so you can’t go out to eat with them anymore…not that they much anyway. It is the middle aged woman’s way of disordered eating. Wine is okay, but no gluten, no dairy, no nuts, no meat, not this kind of fruit, no food that is this color…ugh.
One thing I have learned and ultimately helped me feel comfortable here, is that while everyone here likes to exercise and seek fitness, most all seem to also really enjoy food - hopefully healthier food a majority of the time, but splurging and indulging here and there too.
I would say that I exercise #1 to feel better and look better. But #2, I exercise to be able to eat “more” freely.
“. If they are stay at home wives who can allow themselves and afford endless self-beautification during business hours, most likely they have been chosen for their genes to begin with. It is easier to maintain “the genes” that Mother Nature handed to you than to change them.”
This is awesome, because this enables me to ask H the all-important question “did you choose me because of my intelligence, my personality/sense of humor, or my looks” - in which he is screwed no matter which he answers, ha ha! The poor guy!
“Pizzagirl, the ladies you see at the fitness places… I expect to get bashed for what i say next, but it is what I think. If they are stay at home wives who can allow themselves and afford endless self-beautification during business hours, most likely they have been chosen for their genes to begin with. It is easier to maintain “the genes” that Mother Nature handed to you than to change them”
I think that would crack my friends up who have stayed home to be with their kids…prior lawyers, doctors, engineers, that they were chosen for their genes of beauty! Funny, my dad actually told me that my husband obviously didn’t marry me for my looks, so I just had better keep making money… 
Hey, he’s half the part that handed me the bad genes! I think those with bad genes just have to work harder, pay more money, or set lower expectations. Good thing close up vision declines, too.
Bus, a “stay at home wife” is not always a “stay at home mother.” Ladies who lunch I guess is the term?
Ah, I understand. Though I do fly with a number of guys whose wives don’t work, kids are grown or no kids. The universal reason seems to be that for the amount of money they make, that would get taxed at their husband’s rate, and it’s not worth it for them to work. Though some of the husbands seem to wish the wives would work, maybe because they have too much time to spend money!
Great discussion about body image, eating or not, and what I’d call exercise disorder. Several weeks ago my husband and I saw a beautiful younger woman at the gym. She was clearly undernourished and looked to have the physique of an anorexia victim, yet there she was, frantically spinning away on the elliptical machine. It was painful to watch. And sad to know that she was busy exercising like this on vacation. Our gym is actually a resort gym frequented by out-of-town exercisers that we can use because of H’s job. I could be wrong–maybe she is ill–but I don’t think so.
I love to eat too much to have ever been too long calorie deficient. But I think most women-here and everywhere-have felt pressure to be that thinnest version of themselves proportioned well to boot. The females in our extended family have been fairly fortunate to inherit the longer, lankier body types, but still I know several who have fallen into the trap of dieting nearly to death, or smoking to maintain a low digit dress size, or even exercising as young women to the point of life changing injury. These women have been career women, stay at home moms, ambitious students, privileged suburbanites, or even disabled. Sadly, attaining and maintaining a twig thin body is a goal that can transcend occupation, age, and mindset. I’ve tried really hard with my daughter (and sons!) to pass on a desire to live healthfully, appreciatively, and intentionally. That involves cooking plenty of real food, eating well, lots of walking or hiking, and getting messy, i.e. sweaty, without looking too hard at the calm, cool, well dressed neighbors we see after some of our adventures! I also try to correct, albeit gently, family members who talk about weight issues some of the younger generation have had. Weight shaming is just the worst, imo.
How have we arrived at this place? Ugh, commercialization of food preparation; idolization of celebrity/fashion model body types; striving for the eternally young and attractive physique. So much to deal with.
Sorry for the rambling. I miss idad with this discussion.
Weight shaming - ugh.
My father was an athlete who played a multitude of sports in his youth - including football. Sadly, I inherited his physique and weight struggles. My mother and sister ran to the opposite end of the spectrum, thin and eating whatever they wanted, no exercise. After struggling with weight for so long, I just gave up - and gained. A lot. One year over the holidays, my twig of a sister actually oinked at me when I reached for a cookie. I can’t say I’m sorry that she outweighs me by a good bit now - and none of it’s muscle.
It is so hard to know what is right - we get such mixed messages from the media. Is it okay to be overweight if you exercise? How thin is too thin?