@abasket – well, there’s a whole lot of research showing that the vast majority (around five out of six) of people regain any weight lost. The only permanent solution seems to be bariatric surgery, sadly. My theory is that no “diet” works; you have to change your life. Your husband is changing his life, radically, with retirement.
IMHO, the only person whose behavior you can change is your own. I’d forget the lectures, conversations, etc., and focus on how you behave. Ask your husband what he wants from you. Does he want to do nothing until he’s done with work? Does he want you to come to the gym, bike, whatever with him?
As I’ve lost weight and focused on my own health, DH has lost weight as well–about thirty pounds over four years–and says he wants to lose more. But… he doesn’t do most of the things that have worked for me. He does, however, go for long bike rides a few times a week. I make sure I emable those as much as possible. I also hand him carrot sticks and salad dressing when he walks in the house in the evening. If I don’t, he eats junk… but if I do, he eats carrots.
dmd77, yes, there’s a ton of research that concludes that “diets” don’t work. The key to permenant weight loss is sustainable lifestyle changes. That’s why I roll my eyes every time a new book on the newest and greatest diet of the year comes out. The weight loss industry is such a cash cow feeding bull**** to a society looking for quick answers to complex issues. It’s great that your husband gets in a few long bike rides each week!
@abasket – Agree with everyone else; vent away! We’re here for you and each other. I’ve probably posted this before, but my H was overweight for many years. The short version of the story is he didn’t want to hear it from anyone. No matter who said what to him, he didn’t change his habits. D and I finally stopped saying anything since he’d get really angry. The motivation had to come from him. What finally did it was a blood test done for his annual physical that said his blood sugar was quite high; on the edge of diabetes. As the son of a 60+ year diabetic father, those were the magic words. He lost 30+ pounds, and has maintained his weight since then. As an aside, it turned out the blood test results were incorrect, and his sugar wasn’t really that high – but that wasn’t discovered until he was well on his way to losing the weight.
@BunsenBurner – Our crazy pup ate D’s fiance’s Fitbit. She was fine; he got a new Fitbit. This happened while he and D were dog-sitting for us, so I did have thoughts that I should buy the new Fitbit – until I found out he had put it on the floor to plug it in/charge it …
@sabaray - Yes, it makes sense about the dog walking. I, too, have our pup walk on the left side, but my issue is with my right hip area. I read up on Piriformis Syndrome, but I’m not sure the symptoms apply to me. I do some stretching, but haven’t noticed that it makes any difference. I’ll be making an appointment with a Sports Medicine doc.
@Niquii77, keep in mind that the TDEE calculators online provide estimates and you will need to play around to find the right daily caloric intake to maintain or lose weight. Also, not all the online calculators are the same. My daily intake for calories based on doing 1 1/2 hrs of resistance training 3x week and 3x 1 hr wattage indoor cycling sessions/wk is about 2360. Using my age of 63, a weight of 154 and an activity setting of 6 days/wk, I’ve had TDEE calculators give me 2500 - 2900 calories/day. That’s a very wide variance between calculators. During cycling season, I need to make adjustments on my cycling days because the duration of my rides, particularly on weekends, is longer than one hr. I also found that some of the TDEE calculators gave me ridiculously high protein allocations of like 220 gms/day which was about 30% of the calculated caloric intake. In reality, my intake should be about 138 gms/day or 23-24% of my caloric intake given my activity level and body weight. The recommended DRI for protein is 10% - 35% of daily caloric intake but where you fall in the range is so dependent on individual activity levels and types of activity. The only people who need to be at the upper end are those whose jobs involve hours of heavy muscular demanding physical activity a day, including professional athletes like football players, power lifters etc. Me, I shoot for .8 - .9 gms of protein per body pound.
Surprisingly, I have found that MyFitnessPal does a remarkably good job of calculating my daily caloric needs. But even there, I at times make daily adjustments if, for example, I do a 60 mile bike ride. I have the paid version of the program so that I can set my macros by gram. The following sites have some good information to help you figure out what your protein and carb macros should be:
And also keep in mind that getting lean to be able to see separation and definition in your quads and losing weight are not necessarily the same process. You can get lean and not lose weight depending on your current weight, body composition and type of training. While losing weight may be part of the process, some people naturally have a body type prone to more definition than others and some modalities of training promote definition more than others. The type of training that you do will impact on the degree of definition. My 5’8" 32 year old son weighs about 155-158, has 8% body fat. You can’t get much leaner than that. He can do a 1 rm deadlift at 500lbs. He does tons of barbell squats. He does not have tremendously defined body builder’s legs. You would think he would. But his training is built around 5x5 sets at heavy weights which does not promote definition. What he does have is incredible muscle density and strength.
Niquii–I’m 64 and have done 100 pound bench press in the last year. You can easily do that. If you don’t work with a trainer, I’d look for guidance from the websites that MNK posted.
Took the day off yesterday and went with H to a cooking class at the Milk Street Kitchen (it’s the guy from Cook’s Illustrated and America’s Test Kitchen who started it.) Class was on Thanksgiving recipes, and we learned some good stuff. Everything was simple and uncomplicated. H and I are going to use most of the recipes for our Thanksgiving dinner. Guess this isn’t a topic when everyone is talking weight loss. The recipes were actually pretty straighforward and not goopy and full of empty calories.
My experience–the more I bugged H to do something about losing weight or to stop drinking, the less likely it is to happen. I finally just kept quiet (and believe me that was really hard) and he lost 40 pounds and kept it off and only drinks wine, no more vodka martinis.
I would love to do one of those classes, Bromfield - I got the charter issue of the magazine and will likely subscribe. I am cheating on Thanksgiving this year - in years past I have prepared an extravaganza of everyone’s favorite foods - not doing it this year. Will only be the three of us and I just ordered my turkey and dressing from Chef’d - some assembly required, but not much!
Nothing to add on the diet/exercise for husbands - they ultimately have to do it because they want to. Nothing has worked at our house so I’ve decided the best thing I can do is change my response to it. Can’t stop someone from buying and consuming unhealthy food if they really want it that badly.
Easy walk with the pups this morning, likely a rest day today for me. I’m not eager to return to the gym’s Pilates class after last week.
Neighborhood 5k and then some this morning - it was COLD but I overdressed!
I read your posts after just having a text exchange with H over the fact that breakfast for him was apparently the rest of the pack of Oreos since I found the empty bag in the trash. It sure wasn’t a positive text exchange! I told him I’d lay off but that I didn’t understand why he is making such bad choices - even when there are good choices for the taking in the refrigerator. I’m not expecting him to eat my plain yogurt - but a piece of fruit or homecooked entrees would be nice!
Call me terrible but I can’t say he looks good no matter what. Can’t do that. NOT expecting perfection. I don’t tell him he looks “bad” - I ALWAYS focus on the health aspect. Not the looks - even though that does matter to me.
I do most of the planned food shopping and the cooking. But that doesn’t mean anything - he stops and buys what he wants for him, when he wants it. Sorry but I can’t look in the freezer and see 5 pints of ice cream (at least its a good brand!) and smile around the house when I know that one pint = a snack or lunch substitute for him!
Off my soap box. He knows how I feel. I will try to focus on any times I see him making healthy choices - from exercising to eating what I prepared for dinner (our schedules are such now that we don’t eat most meals together)
Ran again today but not one of my better days. I think my timing was off and I ate the wrong things for lunch and just some days are like that. Restorative yoga class is next.
On another thread I mentioned that the band on my FitBit Charge separated from the tracker. Called FitBit yesterday and they are sending me an Alta free. Meanwhile H fixed my Charge with duct tape. Hey it works
Bought a few basics for cold weather running but the big purchase today was the Run For Cold Jacket at Lululemon. Tried a few others including First Mile and one at Athleta, but this one seemed to work best for me.
Abasket, it can be extremely frustrating. I think you nailed the root of the problem - your H is anxious about his retirement. It is a major life event even though he is doing it by his own choice. Stress makes some people reach for “comfort foods” or engage in excessive snacking. Being on different schedules is tough, too.
Hugs.
With respect to trainers and nutrition plans, keep in mind that prescribing individualized nutrition/diet plans or even recommending a published diet plan as appropriate for an individual client is outside of the scope of practice for a trainer unless the trainer is also a Registered Dietician or licensed nutritionist under local state law. Trainers should limit themselves to discussing nutritional concepts and information, published science based guidelines and authoritative informational articles without indicating that a particular nutritional plan is appropriate for a client. Even with the Sports and Exercise Nutrition certification I’m obtaining, it will still be beyond my scope of practice to put together specific nutritional plans for clients. Trainers who do so risk losing their certifications as trainers if their certification organization receives a complaint!
Good end to the weekend - I hope for everyone else too. Beautiful day here, so Sabadog and Sabapup talked their parents into an afternoon at the park instead of doing yard work like they should have been doing. We got a nice little three mile walk in. Took my mother out to dinner for her birthday - had some really delicious Mexican food which I ate far too much of. Got out for an easy 5 miles this morning - moon still gorgeous and beautiful overhead.
Another busy weekend; they go by too quickly. Saturday morning I had a good 10 mile run. It was cold, but not too bad. Yesterday was just yard work and then walking, it was trail clean-up day. I’m planning on a 5 mile run tonight after work. Not a fan of running in the dark with the headlamp, but I need to just get over it and accept that I’ll be doing this for the next 4-5 months.
MOWC - wow, great job with your half marathon! I can’t stand chatty people anywhere! I would have lost my mind being around one of those people in a race. Congrats on winning your age group!
abasket - maybe after your husband retires and you’re able to eat meals together, that will help him get into a routine of eating normal meals. I know that when I eat on my own I don’t eat as well as I should and not as healthy as I do when I’m eating with my husband or others. Hopefully sitting down to dinner and other meals together will lead to eating more nutritious food. I understand your frustration.
sabaray - you have smart dogs! Clearly they knew that yesterday was a day for fun in the park, not yard work! Glad you enjoyed your Mexican dinner!
Did I miss an update from Gertrude on her race? I hope it went well! Wait, it was at night and she’s on the west coast so it’s still early.
Speaking of husbands… DH went to put on a sweater this morning, an old favorite of his. Too big. As in WAY too big. He started putting his old sweaters–quite a collection–into a shopping bag for me to take to the resale shop. We filled THREE big grocery bags to go to resale. I knew he’d lost weight (as did he), but seeing him swim in those old sweaters–some of them from the 90s–made me realize how much! He got back to the mid-80s ski sweaters before they started to fit properly again. (He did elect to send a few of those to resale, too.)
I’ve been doing agility ladder exercises–those warmup drills you see soccer players do–just a few each day, after discovering that I really struggled to move accurately to left or right (rather than in a straight line) as part of my trail running skills clinic in October. I put the ladder outside my back door, and I go through a few times every time I go in or out. This weekend when I went to my dog agility competition, it really paid off! I got through courses that required complex movements and they felt easy–my dog and I had the fastest time of ALL the dogs in two of the eight classes, which requires accuracy, timing, and speed. I got into running again because I wanted to be more successful with this dog (who is now five and a half)–so this is a huge win for me. Interestingly, we beat several dogs that have been decisively faster in previous events–that’s a big deal.
abasket – I’ve bought my last 3 pairs of shoes from the local JackRabbit store, if that helps. Very knowledgeable sales staff and real commitment to finding the right shoe.
